How have you made this work?

[bresamil]

When the girl has friends over, I tell the mom's what time they are welcome to show up and what time I need them picked up. I talk directly to the moms so there can be no misunderstandings.

Unfortunately, this is not working. The girls show up too early and get picked up way later than agreed. I discover the girls send their moms messages that the time has changed. I'm not sure why they believe what the girls say because they won't bring them over unless they've spoken to me and know it is a legitimate gathering.

How have you enforced the drop off/pick up times?

I should add in that I like all of the girls and I know some of the moms better than others. Familiarity, however, has had no effect on enforcing the times so far.

 

[RoseRed]

Put the girls on the spot and have them text their Mom directly (once she is "late") asking when she will be there. Make them own it.

 

[kwillia]

I discover the girls send their moms messages that the time has changed. I'm not sure why they believe what the girls say because they won't bring them over unless they've spoken to me and know it is a legitimate gathering.

If the other parents are early/late as the result of misinformation from the girls, then hold the girls 100% accountable! Let be known loud and clear that if your times aren't adhered to there will be no more visits from the violators. Period!

I can't believe it sounds like you want to put it back on the parents to "verify" the new times with you... your girl and her friends are old enough to be held completely accountable.

 

[thurley42]

If the other parents are early/late as the result of misinformation from the girls, then hold the girls 100% accountable! Let be known loud and clear that if your times aren't adhered to there will be no more visits from the violators. Period!

I can't believe it sounds like you want to put it back on the parents to "verify" the new times with you... your girl and her friends are old enough to be held completely accountable.

Plus if the kids are sending texts, don't you think they are in cahoots with your kids? Maybe tell your kids that if it continues they aren't to have anyone over period?

 

[bresamil]

Oh I know they're accountable. I stand over them and make them text their moms when they're late. I would just like to avoid having to go through that. The one mom I know really well I told this weekend that obviously the girls had taken changing the time upon themselves. She came right away. One mom still didn't come for another 2.5 hours.

If I bar all violators girl will have no friends over ever.

Maybe I will just refuse anyone coming over a few times and then contact the parents directly and tell them that I would love to have their child but since it can't be within convenient timeframes, then it just can't happen.

I really don't want to parent other peoples kids. I also don't want to parent the parents.

I should also add that I'm sure my girl is in collusion to a point. And that in reverse situations I always confirm drop off and pick up times with the host parent. I do not accept a text from my kid saying the time has changed unless I talk directly to the parent. Kids are sneaky. Maybe I'm setting myself up in expecting other parents to act as I would. Heavens knows I've been accused of being a helicopter parent.

 

[Misfit]

When it’s time for them to leave put them on the porch. :shrug:

 

[kwillia]

Oh I know they're accountable. I stand over them and make them text their moms when their late. I would just like to avoid having to go through that. The one mom I know really well I told this weekend that obviously the girls had taken changing the time upon themselves. She came right away. One mom still didn't come for another 2.5 hours.

If I bar all violators girl will have no friends over ever.

Maybe I will just refuse anyone coming over a few times and then contact the parents directly and tell them that I would love to have their child but since it can't be within convenient timeframes, then it just can't happen.

I really don't want to parent other peoples kids. I also don't want to parent the parents.

Seems to me you can nip this in the bud by keeping it at the girl's level. If they want to keep coming over they will abide by your rules.

 

[LuckyMe143]

I'm glad to see a responsible parent. If my child told me the time changed I would call and confirm. Since you were kind enough to call and talk to the parents in my mind I think you would call back if something changed.

 

[vraiblonde]

I made them all grow up and get their own place to live.

Seriously, not sure what was worse - OPC or OPP. We used to have parents do that all the time, not pick their kid up at the agreed upon time, which would throw our whole day off and screw up any plans we might have had.

How we "solved" it is by just taking the OPC with us if we had to go somewhere, or not planning anything for the day after a sleepover. It was tedious and I'm glad it's over.