How the Changing Dating Scene Shapes and Reflects Our World

GURPS

INGSOC
PREMO Member
Aaron Renn’s newsletter The Masculinist takes a grim look at the dynamics of the online-dating world, based on data provided by some of its leading platforms. He’s writing from the male perspective, but there are plenty of depressing observations for the ladies as well, many of which will not be news. In Renn’s telling, the medium of online dating acts to exacerbate the pre-existing advantages of good looks in men and youth in women. His central thesis is that the shift to online dating has made romance into yet another globally commoditized market like anything else you buy online, leading to more inequality, more loss of opportunity for those with less to offer, and more superficial shopping patterns. There is more along the way about race, personality, and perception. While my own instinct on reading these sorts of articles is to immediately be glad I met my wife when we were 17, got married at 23, and stayed married, the origins of couples and families — and the struggles people endure to get there — shapes the world we live in and the world our children face.

One of most interesting bits is a striking graph drawn from a sociology study (with data through 2017) of how couples met, versions of which have been kicking around the web for a while:





 

Kyle

Having a Beer while the world burns!
PREMO Member
It'd be interesting to see how the divorce curve looks over that graph.
 

Bann

Doris Day meets Lady Gaga
PREMO Member
No matter where you meet people - you either hit if off with them or you don't.

We don't need a study for that. Your welcome! :biggrin:
 

Gilligan

#*! boat!
PREMO Member
I rarely barfed, but when I did it was on my shoes.
Speaking of barfing.... When I fell off the building in 1981 and broke my back in several places, one of the side-effects of all the surgeries I went through was the complete loss of my barf reflex. That's been both a blessing and a curse. I can drink to great excess and never barf. I get food poisoning (not uncommon when you travel the places around the world that I do), I have to suffer through a longer drawn out sequence of suffering because can't just barf.

Oh well. I watch my party-boy son and friends barfing their guts out after a good party night and just point and laugh...
 

PeoplesElbow

Well-Known Member
Speaking of barfing.... When I fell off the building in 1981 and broke my back in several places, one of the side-effects of all the surgeries I went through was the complete loss of my barf reflex. That's been both a blessing and a curse. I can drink to great excess and never barf. I get food poisoning (not uncommon when you travel the places around the world that I do), I have to suffer through a longer drawn out sequence of suffering because can't just barf.

Oh well. I watch my party-boy son and friends barfing their guts out after a good party night and just point and laugh...
Weird, I knew a very popular girl with no gag reflex.

Does the "violent reaction" at the other end still happen?
 

Clem72

Well-Known Member
According to that graph the big fall-off is in marrying one's grade school sweetheart, and marrying one's family. Probably a good amount of overlap in those groups.
 

SamSpade

Well-Known Member
No matter where you meet people - you either hit if off with them or you don't.

We don't need a study for that. Your welcome! :biggrin:
No but from years ago - there's definitely a difference between meeting online (and then IRL) and more traditional methods. And one of them is, the "weeding out" process - the part where you decide if there's anything to go on - happens both online AND in your first meeting, because you can never really get a true feeling for chemistry or compatibility JUST from online.

Which is why, back when, I always tried to make the first "date" BRIEF. You don't want to make an evening of something with a person who is rude to the waitstaff, smokes like a chimney (and smells), looks NOTHING like you saw online and maybe doesn't really like YOU either, in person. These are the kind of assessments you make about someone just meeting them in person, casually - but when you meet online, that process doesn't happen.

The mistake of online daters is, they want the first date to be a "date" - and it isn't. It's an extension of the assessment process - the one you make in ten minutes when you meet someone in person the first time. The one where your gut feeling is - I like her smile, she's friendly, she laughs a little too much, she's actually kind of smart/stupid/awkward/whatever --- and so on.
 

Bann

Doris Day meets Lady Gaga
PREMO Member
The mistake of online daters is, they want the first date to be a "date" - and it isn't. It's an extension of the assessment process - the one you make in ten minutes when you meet someone in person the first time. The one where your gut feeling is - I like her smile, she's friendly, she laughs a little too much, she's actually kind of smart/stupid/awkward/whatever --- and so on.
Which is exactly what I mean! People know within a reasonable amount of time if they want to see someone again. Or should. :yay:
 
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