Dear ________:
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition.
(Check all that apply...)
___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it,
hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can
picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet
a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!
___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the
truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for
something other than my personality.
___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20
questions about yourself before you asked me more than
one about myself.
___Your legs are skinnier than mine.
___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably
be beaten up repeatedly at recess.
___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from
trying to kiss you.
___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals
an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in
conversation.
___You still live with your parents.
___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star
Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.
___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to
suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am
seeking in a long-term partner.
___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should
however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches,
please resubmit your application.
___Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight
bag were really necessary for a successful business trip.
___I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.
Sincerely,
______________________
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition.
(Check all that apply...)
___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it,
hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can
picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet
a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!
___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the
truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for
something other than my personality.
___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20
questions about yourself before you asked me more than
one about myself.
___Your legs are skinnier than mine.
___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably
be beaten up repeatedly at recess.
___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from
trying to kiss you.
___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals
an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in
conversation.
___You still live with your parents.
___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star
Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.
___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to
suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am
seeking in a long-term partner.
___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should
however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches,
please resubmit your application.
___Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight
bag were really necessary for a successful business trip.
___I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.
Sincerely,
______________________
