How to get Wife according to the Bible

U

UrbanPancake

Right=Wrong/Left=Right
"The Bible's Top 5 Ways to Get a Wife
If you're having trouble finding that special someone for a lifetime commitment, the Web site RaptureReady.com, a bi-weekly reflection on world headlines from a religious point of view, offers a very unusual list of 15 biblical ways to find a wife. Here are five of them. There's just one problem: You might not want to try this in the 21st century.

1. Marry a captive woman.
"Suppose you see among the captives a beautiful woman whom you desire and want to marry, and so you bring her home to your house: she shall shave her head, pare her nails, discard her captive's garb, and shall remain in your house a full month, mourning for her father and mother; after that you may go into her and be her husband, and she shall be your wife."
--Deuteronomy 21:11-13

2. Marry a prostitute.
"When the Lord first spoke through Hosea, the Lord said to Hosea, "Go, take for yourself a wife of whoredom and have children of whoredom, for the land commits great whoredom by forsaking the Lord. So he went and took Gomer daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son."
--Hosea 1:2-3
3. Find a man with seven daughters and then impress him.
"The priest of Midian had seven daughters. They came to draw water, and filled the troughs to water their father's flock. But some shepherds came and drove them away. Moses got up and came to their defense and watered their flock." When the father found out what Moses had done, he told his daughters to invite him to break bread. "Moses agreed to stay with the man, and he gave Moses his daughter Zipporah in marriage."
--Exodus 2:16-21

4. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
"And let the king appoint commissioners in all the provinces of his kingdom to gather all the beautiful young virgins to the harem in the citadel of Susa under custody of Hegai, the king's eunuch, who is in charge of the women; let their cosmetic treatments be given them. And let the girl who pleases the king be queen instead of Vashti. This pleased the king and he did so."
--Esther 2:3-4
5. A wife?...No!
"I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord; but the married man is anxious about the affairs of the world, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided...So then, he who marries his fiancée does well; and he who refrains from marriage will do better."
--1 Corinthians 7:32-38"

I read this on netscape. I thought it was funny.
 
T

tlatchaw

Not dead yet.
I'm not sure why you find this funny. People meet in all sorts of ways, both polite and impolite.

Now FUNNY might have been a scripture that says something like, "Thou shalt go forth to the Tiki bar and meet a buxom and toothless wench named (insert name of forumite here) and take her for thine own!"

Or could it be that your point is not humor after all, but a clumsy attempt to poke fun at scripture?
 
2ndAmendment

2ndAmendment

Just a forgiven sinner
PREMO Member
The scripture from Hosea was certainly misunderstood by you. Hosea was a prophet of God. He was instructed by God to take a prostitute as a wife as a sign to the Israelites because the nation of Israel was acting like a whore forsaking God and following after the gods of other peoples.

Hosea 1:1-11
1 The word of the LORD that came to Hosea son of Beeri during the reigns of Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz and Hezekiah, kings of Judah, and during the reign of Jeroboam son of Jehoash [1] king of Israel:


Hosea's Wife and Children
2 When the LORD began to speak through Hosea, the LORD said to him, "Go, take to yourself an adulterous wife and children of unfaithfulness, because the land is guilty of the vilest adultery in departing from the LORD ." 3 So he married Gomer daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son.
4 Then the LORD said to Hosea, "Call him Jezreel, because I will soon punish the house of Jehu for the massacre at Jezreel, and I will put an end to the kingdom of Israel. 5 In that day I will break Israel's bow in the Valley of Jezreel."
6 Gomer conceived again and gave birth to a daughter. Then the LORD said to Hosea, "Call her Lo-Ruhamah, [2] for I will no longer show love to the house of Israel, that I should at all forgive them. 7 Yet I will show love to the house of Judah; and I will save them-not by bow, sword or battle, or by horses and horsemen, but by the LORD their God."
8 After she had weaned Lo-Ruhamah, Gomer had another son. 9 Then the LORD said, "Call him Lo-Ammi, [3] for you are not my people, and I am not your God.
10 "Yet the Israelites will be like the sand on the seashore, which cannot be measured or counted. In the place where it was said to them, 'You are not my people,' they will be called 'sons of the living God.' 11 The people of Judah and the people of Israel will be reunited, and they will appoint one leader and will come up out of the land, for great will be the day of Jezreel.
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aps45819

aps45819

24/7 Single Dad
UrbanPancake said:
Well, I thought the Bible was the word of God. I think we should all marry into whoredom. It sounds like fun.:)
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You could do worse than to follow in your father's footsteps.
 
Pete

Pete

Repete
UrbanPancake said:
Well, I thought the Bible was the word of God. I think we should all marry into whoredom. It sounds like fun.:)
Click to expand...
did your dad marry into whoredom?
 
Penn

Penn

Dancing Up A Storm
huntr1 said:
You're assuming her married her.
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:lol: I have this clown on "Ignore", and I can still figure out what the
premise to all this is about:

UrbanDipstick has taken a section of scripture out of context, and is
attempting to ridicule it, not having one iota, not one clue of what this passage really means.

It's typical of him to try to press this kind of garbage on us; He knows darn well he's going to offend someone, so all he has to do is spew this trash out there, and see who comes to the trough first.

In another thread, I postured "What goes around, comes around".

There's going to be a day when Turban finally goes silent, and ceases to post his vitriol on these forums; I think we can all assume what may have happened to him.
 
A

AMP

Jersey attitude.
He brings new life to the old adage "With just enough of knowledge to misquote."

WHat a piece of schmutz.
 
Penn

Penn

Dancing Up A Storm
AMP said:
He brings new life to the old adage "With just enough of knowledge to misquote."

WHat a piece of schmutz.
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Exactly right.

The sooner people wise up to his act, the better.

This guy is nothing but a loser who tries to get poeple's backside up; get a rise out of them.

The term Worthless comes to mind.

Pathetic is another, low-life, pond scum are also apt.
 
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