How young is too young to get married?

[jeneisen]

Ok, I was talking to a co-worker of mine who is about 10 years older than I am and I mentioned my wedding was in August and she told me I was too young to get married. Now I am 24 and I have been with him for 7.5 years. We are happy and we don't feel we are too young. It just makes me think what people feel is the right age to get married.

Now if we had been 16-18, I would agree but I just thought it was kind of rude to say that. What does everyone else think?

 

[Sharon]

21-25

I think you should at least be able to legally have a champagne toast at your wedding.

I think it really depends on the maturity of the couple. Never under 18 and most likely not before 20 either.

 

[Dymphna]

It depends on the individual. 24 is fine, especially since you've been together so long, as long as you don't feel like you've missed out by not dating other people. I would imagine you've gone through a lot of ups and downs in that time period to test the relationship.

 

[migtig]

I voted for 30+. I would have chosen 55 but it wasn't a selection. I personally don't think anybody should get married, and if you really like him wait until he is divorced and be the second marriage, those always seem to work out bettter.

 

[jazz lady]

Originally posted by migtig
if you really like him wait until he is divorced and be the second marriage, those always seem to work out bettter.

Not always.

 

[Surf City Baby]

Oops.

I voted for 18-21---and then I noticed the survey question is different from the thread title. D'oh!

I married at 37. That was the best time for me. Mileage varies.

 

[JabbaJawz]

I say mid-20s, depending on the people of course. Sometimes young folks can get married and have success, and other times they feel like they've missed out and will eventually want to make up for that time. We change constantly throughout life, but in our 20s we change drastically, and I think midway through is a safer bet than early 20s. Dean can honestly say that he would have never been ready to get married at 25 (he was 30 when we got married). I was/am 25 and ready.

 

[RoseRed]

I say 25-30 only because I was in that range. I could not imagine being married in my early 20's, I was to busy out playing.

 

[SamSpade]

Originally posted by migtig
I voted for 30+. I would have chosen 55 but it wasn't a selection. I personally don't think anybody should get married, and if you really like him wait until he is divorced and be the second marriage, those always seem to work out bettter.

It may work for a lot of people but statistically second marriages have less chance of success than first ones. If yours works out, then good for you, you beat the odds.

I think if anyone doesn't feel very strongly about getting married - THEY should not marry. Marriage to someone who doesn't really 'believe' in it is miserable. On the other hand, there's nothing in the world like a good marriage and statistically people who are married are happier, healthier and live longer and have more sex than their non-married counterparts, on average.

 

[migtig]

Originally posted by SamSpade
It may work for a lot of people but statistically second marriages have less chance of success than first ones. If yours works out, then good for you, you beat the odds.

Re-read I ain't married and I refuse to consider such a horrible dark age practice. And people with pets live longer and are on average happier and healthier too. And as long as I got batteries for BOB I am probably achieving a higher rate of orgasm too.

 

[Oz]

Basically, I think you need to be over 30 to know how long forever is...

If you want to get married, do it. If you get sick of eachother, get a divorce before you hate eachother. Most marriages fail. You get married to enjoy more out of life by sharing that life with another person. When that doesn't happen it's time to be adult, give eachother a hug and walk away. No fighting! Forget marriage counselors. Being married is either real good, or real bad. If you love someone, there are never any OK days. Days with that person are either good or bad. You can't counsel that. Better than a marriage counselor is a good friend who will tell you to your face when you're being a bonehead and help you keep a good perspective on everything. Someone who's been there, done that. Not a single friend. Not a friend of the opposite sex.

The best perspective on marriage that I have ever heard is when someone asked if they still had the same friends they had in high school. If not, why would you expect to want to be married to the same person, 5 or 10 years from now?

So, if your expectations and your spouses are reasonable and mostly compatible, then you probably stand a chance of being married for a long time. In 4+ years of marriage, adapting to eachothers expectations is probably one of the most difficult, hurdles, and most gratifying when you both accept how it goes. (Probably have to be there to understand that one, although you guys may have worked through some of that after 7+ years of dating.)

Another suggestion - being younger, determine two things before you get married. How will you accumulate assets? Indivually or mutually? My suggestion would be don't mix your finances up. Manage your own money, not eachothers. That way, no one can feel like they are being taken advantage of. They say money is the root of all evil, so keep that evil out of the marriage equation. Then, get a pre-nup which determines how anything acquired after your wedding day will be distributed should your marriage end. I know, it's not romantic to sign a pre-nup! So, sign it over a candlelight dinner. If you're young and don't have anything except bills - guess what? If you get married without determining the above, you'll wish you had if you're divorced with half and bigger bills.

Marriage is great. But it's an adult institution which requires planning and thought and consideration for the other person. There really isn't a magic age.

If you or he has the slightest thought about waiting, then wait. Neither should be married to someone with an ounce of doubt. It's not fair to the other person.

 

[Frank]

I think, in OUR culture, people are mature enough for marriage at a later age - but UNFORTUNATELY, biology doesn't respect culture. I can completely see the wisdom and logic of having children and raising them early enough so that by the time you reach middle age, you're not still dealing with teenagers and college students and doling out money and are reaping the rewards of being a grandparent.

Notice I mentioned - in OUR culture. I think the pop culture in the US encourages less responsible behavior and a presumption that life is supposed to be easy and unencumbered by adult responsibility. Once you take on a family, you can't just live for yourself. I think in other cultures, they learn this early enough that marriage at an earlier age is optimal.

 

[giggles04]

I voted for the between 21-25 range because that will probably be around when I get married. If I get married at 25, we will have been together for 8 years already... so why not. Besides, my parents keep on telling us that if we make it through building a house (which we'll probably either start or do) before we get married, then we'll be just fine

 

[Dymphna]

Originally posted by Oz
Being married is either real good, or real bad. If you love someone, there are never any OK days. Days with that person are either good or bad.

The best perspective on marriage that I have ever heard is when someone asked if they still had the same friends they had in high school. If not, why would you expect to want to be married to the same person, 5 or 10 years from now?

My parents were married at ages 17 & 20. They've had ups and downs. And the downs were about as far down as you could get. They often had money problems. My dad is an alcoholic and spent time in jail for DWI. At one point he fled to another state rather than go the jail. He got caught when he came back for the holidays and got into an accident while pulling out of the liquor store. (ironically, he was sober that time)

While my dad was gone, my mom stopped wearing her wedding rings and started scoping out guys at the mall (I was a teenager and went with her, too weird) BUT, when my dad was due out of jail after that, she told him he could only come home if he swore off drink and got his act together. If she EVER found out he'd been drinking, he was gone. That was 13 years ago. They are currently very happily married. Dad has completely changed and is now a doting grandfather whom all the kids adore.

I think their problems stemmed from being too young when they got married, but they were committed to it. Divorce was strictly a last resort. There were good days and bad days and OK days. They've been married for 37 years now and I think I know them well enough to say they are very happy, now.

Oh, and they both still have some of the same friends they had in high school.

 

[pixiegirl]

I vote for NEVER! It's not an option on the poll so I'm inserting it here.

 

[migtig]

Originally posted by pixiegirl
I vote for NEVER! It's not an option on the poll so I'm inserting it here.

 

[SxyPrincess]

I think 25-30 is a good age to get married. I realize some people may not be ready, but most of the world is.

But basically I think it depends on the individual person(s). If you feel you're ready for marriage, then it must be "right" for you.

 

[Flo]

Re: Oops.

Originally posted by Surf City Baby
I voted for 18-21---and then I noticed the survey question is different from the thread title. D'oh!

I married at 37. That was the best time for me. Mileage varies.

I did the same thing Surf! I voted 18-21, and realized that the question was posed differently, and would have voted 30+.

I got married at 40. The only regret I have, was not having children.