A few opinions:
Don't cross streets while looking the other way.
Eat the frozen end of the popsicle... not the wood.
If you fart in an elevator... act like your kid did it.
If an airplane crashes into your house and kills your wife and crushes your nice new big screen tv, the appropriate period of mourning is one week... then you can get a new big screen with the insurance money.
Men touching men inappropriately is only okay when no other men can find out.
If you look into your alphabet soup and see the message, "Repent - Love, God" everytime you shake the bowl... stop eating alphabet soup.
Sex in a public bathroom should always be followed by the appropriate pleasantries: five dollars on the toilet basin, a slap on the ass, and a "See you next week, Chuck."