Larry Gude
Strung Out
In today's episode, boys and girls, a PSA. We have here new food products with ZERO future.
For your consideration today, we have Hero/White Waves new offering of "Fruit2day" yes, yes, with REAL fruit bits. Now, when I saw it, I thought "creamy yogurt type of drink with real fruit bits!! Count me in!" because I am good with the creamy yogurt type drinks but, they were always a little not something enough, to me, and, hey, I put fruit, blueberry's, strawberry's, banana's, used motorcycle parts, cookie crumbs, cereal, you name it, in and on pretty much any and everything as it is.
So, this has GOT to be right up my alley...right?
Well, childrens, what we have here is a fruit JUICE. With chunks in it. Fruit chunks, at least I hope so. It's a cute little hour glass-ish bottle, shaped like the ideal woman, boobs and hips. Good start!
Twist off top, foil seal, shake it up, open it up, smack lips, tip it back and...and...
I almost ####ing hurled. Then, I started laughing my ass off.
Kids, this is EXACTLY like puking and that involuntary backwash/not quite complete/mouth full of chunky puke that I am sure you all have experienced a time or two over the years be it genuinely sick or, perhaps, 5 cocktails too many along with peanuts, partially chewed, eaten too fast chicken chunks, potatoes, steak bits and so forth.
Exactly the same except for one minor detail; it's cold. And, a major detail; it's not actually puke; thus no bile, no vague tequila odor, no stomach lining.
It's 6.75 fl ounces (or, 200 ml for you Carter-ites) which is not even a normal pull off mah beer for me. However, I am still not finished with this bus driver in a can. Call it science, call it research, call it my love for you, the brave audience. Each and every 'sip' leaves me with the same impression as my first and there is even the involuntary near dry heave. Every time.
Get some at your favorite grocer today!
And tell 'em Ralph sen'tcha!
For your consideration today, we have Hero/White Waves new offering of "Fruit2day" yes, yes, with REAL fruit bits. Now, when I saw it, I thought "creamy yogurt type of drink with real fruit bits!! Count me in!" because I am good with the creamy yogurt type drinks but, they were always a little not something enough, to me, and, hey, I put fruit, blueberry's, strawberry's, banana's, used motorcycle parts, cookie crumbs, cereal, you name it, in and on pretty much any and everything as it is.
So, this has GOT to be right up my alley...right?
Well, childrens, what we have here is a fruit JUICE. With chunks in it. Fruit chunks, at least I hope so. It's a cute little hour glass-ish bottle, shaped like the ideal woman, boobs and hips. Good start!
Twist off top, foil seal, shake it up, open it up, smack lips, tip it back and...and...
I almost ####ing hurled. Then, I started laughing my ass off.
Kids, this is EXACTLY like puking and that involuntary backwash/not quite complete/mouth full of chunky puke that I am sure you all have experienced a time or two over the years be it genuinely sick or, perhaps, 5 cocktails too many along with peanuts, partially chewed, eaten too fast chicken chunks, potatoes, steak bits and so forth.
Exactly the same except for one minor detail; it's cold. And, a major detail; it's not actually puke; thus no bile, no vague tequila odor, no stomach lining.
It's 6.75 fl ounces (or, 200 ml for you Carter-ites) which is not even a normal pull off mah beer for me. However, I am still not finished with this bus driver in a can. Call it science, call it research, call it my love for you, the brave audience. Each and every 'sip' leaves me with the same impression as my first and there is even the involuntary near dry heave. Every time.
Get some at your favorite grocer today!
And tell 'em Ralph sen'tcha!
