Q: How many Irish people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five--one to hold the light bulb, and four to drink until
the room spins!
*********************************************************
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he couldn't
stand still. He asked Father Murphy for some advice. Father
Murphy replied, "When I'm worried about gettin' nervous on
the pulpit, I take a wee bit o' whiskey just to calm my
nerves."
So the next Sunday he took the older priest's advice. Before
the mass, he got nervous and took a drink. He then proceeded
to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he
found the following note on his door:
Father,
1. A few sips of whiskey. Not the whole bottle.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ###.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to
as Senior, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the #### out of
him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey,
don't say "He was stoned off his ###."
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said,
"Take this and eat it, for it is my body"; he did not
say, Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with
the Cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub,
thanks for the grub, yea God"
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.
Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Just thought you could use the help!
Father Murphy
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
An Irishman stumbles outside a pub, slips on an icy patch
of side walk and falls on his butt breaking the bottle he
shoved in his back pocket.
As he gets to his feet, he begins to feel something wet
running down his leg.
"Lord", he prays, "Let that be blood!"
A: Five--one to hold the light bulb, and four to drink until
the room spins!
*********************************************************
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he couldn't
stand still. He asked Father Murphy for some advice. Father
Murphy replied, "When I'm worried about gettin' nervous on
the pulpit, I take a wee bit o' whiskey just to calm my
nerves."
So the next Sunday he took the older priest's advice. Before
the mass, he got nervous and took a drink. He then proceeded
to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he
found the following note on his door:
Father,
1. A few sips of whiskey. Not the whole bottle.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ###.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to
as Senior, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the #### out of
him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey,
don't say "He was stoned off his ###."
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said,
"Take this and eat it, for it is my body"; he did not
say, Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with
the Cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub,
thanks for the grub, yea God"
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.
Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Just thought you could use the help!
Father Murphy
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
An Irishman stumbles outside a pub, slips on an icy patch
of side walk and falls on his butt breaking the bottle he
shoved in his back pocket.
As he gets to his feet, he begins to feel something wet
running down his leg.
"Lord", he prays, "Let that be blood!"
