sleuth
Livin' Like Thanksgivin'
So, over the weekend, I gave my girlfriend a small birthday present. It was a print called "Pie in the Sky" and I bought a nice frame for it. One of her favorites and she loved that I remembered it when she mentioned it several months ago.
However, when she opened it, her 4 yo. daughter nearly threw a temper tantrum because she "wanted one too". This seems to have become a pattern as of late. I even tried getting her a small gift a couple days earlier just so she wouldn't feel completely left out of the celebration. The reason I gave it to her a couple days early is that I didn't want her to tie it to her mom's birthday, so that she wouldn't begin expecting a present every time her mom got one.
My past few trips back, we've noticed that she seems to be growing jealous of her mom's time with me, even when she's included. I expected this might be a problem if I were there all the time. After all, she's going from having her mother's FULL attention to having to share it. But I only see my girlfriend 2 or 3 days a month, if not 2 or 3 days every two months. This shouldn't be a problem??
This little girl gives me hugs. She's always glad to see me. She sends me emails telling me how much she misses me. And I respond in kind. But when her mom and I are together, she grows jealous.
She has asked her mom questions like "Why do you kiss 'sleuth'?" or "Why do you hug 'sleuth'?". Followed by requests like... "Well, when you kiss him, can you kiss me right after?" and so on... She also asks why I don't hug and kiss her as much as I do her mommy...
It's not like she doesn't get her mommy's attention 99% of the time I'm not there... I've done some reading on the subject and everything says that jealousy issues in step-parent relationships are caused by the birthparent not spending enough one-on-one time with the child. But that's not the case here, except when I make my rare visits.
Anyone else had problems with this? Any suggestions?
However, when she opened it, her 4 yo. daughter nearly threw a temper tantrum because she "wanted one too". This seems to have become a pattern as of late. I even tried getting her a small gift a couple days earlier just so she wouldn't feel completely left out of the celebration. The reason I gave it to her a couple days early is that I didn't want her to tie it to her mom's birthday, so that she wouldn't begin expecting a present every time her mom got one.
My past few trips back, we've noticed that she seems to be growing jealous of her mom's time with me, even when she's included. I expected this might be a problem if I were there all the time. After all, she's going from having her mother's FULL attention to having to share it. But I only see my girlfriend 2 or 3 days a month, if not 2 or 3 days every two months. This shouldn't be a problem??
This little girl gives me hugs. She's always glad to see me. She sends me emails telling me how much she misses me. And I respond in kind. But when her mom and I are together, she grows jealous.
She has asked her mom questions like "Why do you kiss 'sleuth'?" or "Why do you hug 'sleuth'?". Followed by requests like... "Well, when you kiss him, can you kiss me right after?" and so on... She also asks why I don't hug and kiss her as much as I do her mommy...
It's not like she doesn't get her mommy's attention 99% of the time I'm not there... I've done some reading on the subject and everything says that jealousy issues in step-parent relationships are caused by the birthparent not spending enough one-on-one time with the child. But that's not the case here, except when I make my rare visits.
Anyone else had problems with this? Any suggestions?
She'll get out of it, just like my girl did. I expected the worst when I had #2 b/c #1 was jealous a lot with husband and I. Not in a nasty manner, but if we'd smooch or something she'd say, "Mommy, dontcha love me, too?" and things of that nature. We would simply reassure her, and she stopped all together after a while. I think it's just age related and probably worse since you aren't there all the time. If you were always around she'd be forced to adjust quickly, but since your visits are sporadic she never really knows what to expect. Like I said, no biggie. She'll come to understand that she has her special days, etc... and other people have theirs. Same for the jealousy with you and the girlfriend.
...but I don't know what EAP is... 
Beat ya!