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baswm
Guest
infuriating but it has a LOT of truth to it.
Just Got My Court Order
- Thread starter Dougstermd
- Start date
That is a good article - mostly horse####, but a terrific conversation-starter.baswm said:
From the article:
Hello, moronica? What if you had the children when you were married and you could afford them just fine as a two-income, one household family?
I know a lot of men who have custody of their children, from mothers who aren't crack addicts or whores. The fact is that most men don't want custody of their children - my ex never even considered it, yet wanted to ##### his face off about child support. It's like, look buddy, then you take full custody of the kids and I'll pay you $600 a month - how'd that be?
Yes, having children out of wedlock with some guy you picked up at Toots' is a dumb idea. But there are a lot of cases where the couple was married - sometimes for many years - and Daddy-O decided he wanted to run around, so he ditched the wife and kids and now everyone's screwed.
And before the menfolk jump in, yes, women run off and screw up the family, too. But that's not what we're talking about here.
I have been a custodial parent my whole entire adult life. I had custody of my children, and Larry has custody of his children, which are now my responsibility as well. So I've never been on the NC side of things, but I have a good bit of experience on the C side.
My experience with two NCs is that they have been allowed complete access to their children - pick 'em up to go to dinner, spend the night, whatever - and chose to not only *not* take advantage of that, but to blow off their regular visitation as well.Toxick said:
I come from a different perspective.
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And before any of you say, "Well, they don't have the money to do those things because they have to pay child support!", let me head you off at the pass:vraiblonde said:
Both NCs don't seem to have child support money (boo hoo) but they have plenty of money to buy gifts for their new love interest and go away on romantic weekend trips with them.
My darling ex actually called once to tell me that his CS would be short that month because (ready?) he needed to buy school clothes for his new wife's daughter.
But he only tried this once.
Lugnut
I'm Rick James #####!
vraiblonde said:
Of course. :shrug:
This is a toipic that is very clearly divided between men and women.
If the number of custodial parents were divided equally between men and women I'd say the system worked fine but the fact is that women DO get preference in custody battles.
Nope. Larry Gude, Mainman and Pete are all custodial parents with living wives who aren't crack whores. (Well, not sure about Mainman because I don't really know his story - but he is a custodial parent).Lugnut said:
Because typically the man is wrapped up in his career and can't properly care for children. The woman more often has a second-income job and has more time to devote to child raising.
But, again, there are exceptions where the primary breadwinner can raise the kids just fine (see Larry, MM and Pete). And since these three men have managed to do it (and bring up fine young people, to boot) I can only assume that men who "can't get" custody of their children don't really want it.
pixiegirl
Cleopatra Jones
Chasey_Lane said:
I only got to this and can't help but respond without finishing the thread. The child support guidlines in MD are EXTREMLY fair. $700 a month for each child is by no means a ridiculous amount. My scenario is as follows. Two kids, two different me.
First child. I put dopehead daddy out when baby was 6 weeks old. Filed for custody and was granted sole custody. My lawyer used the guidlines to figure child support. I want to say I was making just shy of $40K. He did not have a job at the time (because he barely ever does because he's a dopehead bum) so my lawyer used $10 an hour because that's about what he typically made. They combine monthly income and have a worksheet that shows how much support is going to be for a child who's parents are at said income each month and each parent is responsible for the percent that they brought into the household. Now, since I carried the babe on my health insurance I got to deduct that from my monthly income. Daycare is added onto the support. So in our case it was about a 60/40 split, me being the higher (that's very rough), the guideline was $400 and daycare at $150 a week for an infant was around $600; add those together and support for the kid is $1000 a month. I'm responsible for $600 and he's responsible for $400 (which was actually $376 but like I said everything is rough). Right now that bastard is over $18K in arrears.
Fast forward a few years and to babe number 2. I make a good deal more and had a baby with a responsible adult. I make as much at one job as he did with two. Again I can deduct my insurance premium since I carry the pigster on my policy. The ratio is 47/53, me at 47. The support is roughly 1200, add in daycare which is $145/wk and we're somewhere around $1800 a month. His support will be around $800 a month.
Anyone who thinks for a second that it doesn't cost $1600 a month to raise a child isn't looking at the big picture. We'll use his $800. Half of daycare, there goes about $300. We'll say rent/morgage is $1200, that should be split 3 ways since there are 3 of us in the house, so $400 for the babe's portion and daddy is responsible for half of that, so there's $200. Now we only have $300 a month left; how about food and household items that the child uses? If I spend $600 a month between the grocery store and Walmart/Target so that we can eat, have clean clothes, a clean house, etc; that counts. $600 divided by 3 = $200 and daddy's half of that is $100. We have $200 left, diapers, wipes, clothes are all things that are purchased soley for the babe. It varies month to month, one month he may need shoes or winter clothes. Daddy is responsible for half of that. Utilities, it certainly costs money to give the child a bath daily. So, if you break it down as to what it actually costs to raise a child than $800 is right on the money about half of what it costs me to raise one.
Not to mention that I have both kids ALL the time. Baby daddy number one is awol and #2 is a good parent but has a career that does not allow time for overnight visitation. They get off easy; they get to pay for half (which #1 doesn't do anyway) and be the good time daddies who take them once in a while and do fun things with them and I have to actually raise my children. I'm not complaining. If they're sick I have to take off work and take them to the doctor (another expense right there); I have to disipline them and make sure they don't grow up acting like heathens.
If custody was split there is another formula that is used. The system doesn't screw anyone; people screw themselves.
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AND, with my ex and Larry's ex, BOTH have moved away from where their children live to follow a love interest. So you tell me where the priorities lie.
Some people are parents - real parents - others are not. But they still have a responsibility, and if the only help you can get out of them is money, well that's better than nothing.
Some people are parents - real parents - others are not. But they still have a responsibility, and if the only help you can get out of them is money, well that's better than nothing.
I agree with this. My ex may love his kids but he never attempted to get them full time. Never occurred to him. And he doesn't want them when they're sick, and he's irritated that he has to take them to their sports/social obligations on his weekend. He's kind of a stereotype "non commital" dad that wants them when its convenient for him. I'm not saying he wouldn't be there for them in a crisis - but in the few that we've had he doesn't rush right in to be part of it, he just leaves word of "let me know if you need help."vraiblonde said:
I think he watched way too much 50s TV where Mom handles everything and Dad comes home reads the paper and offers a few "sage" words of advice per day.
I didn't get anywhere near that amount for two kids. One time Bebe Daddy got the bright idea that he'd ask me for an itemized statement of how much I spend on the kids per month (trying to lower his child support).pixiegirl said:
He never asked again.
And I didn't even add in my time for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week OR lost wages from kid illness, parent/teacher conferences, etc.
Chasey_Lane
Salt Life
My ex lives in Leonardtown in a big, expensive house with a big, expensive truck and up until a month ago, hadn't seen his first born in 6 months (he claims he was hung up onvraiblonde said:
). 
Yet I was the bad, crappy parent! He also biatched about paying $200/month in CS! Cry me a river already!
Chasey_Lane
Salt Life
Pete said:I grab butts!
pixiegirl
Cleopatra Jones
vraiblonde said:
I'll get $800 for #2 which according to many here is an outrageous amount. I was pointing out that in fact it is not. My youngest pig costs every bit of $1600 a month to raise and his father should be responsible for half.
Dopehead wasn't even ordered half of $800 and the only difference in cost between the two kids is diapers and older pig's daycare is cheaper now since he's older. The ex actually could take me back and have his support lowered since I make a good bit more now than when the order was made. He doesn't have the gull being that he's $18k in arrears.
Chasey_Lane
Salt Life
Pix, that sounds like a lot of "extras." JPC will agree with me, too.pixiegirl said:
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julz20684
Guest
vraiblonde said:
You do rock, as does MM, as does Larry.Pete said:
Lugnut
I'm Rick James #####!
vraiblonde said:
Breadwinners raising kids is an exception? So, assuming both parents want custody, because the man worked to feed his family (i.e. PROVED his ability to take care of a family) during the marriage and the women worked a "second income" job, she should get custody?
What happens to the "more time to devote to the kids" after the divorce and the women has to go get a real job instead of her "second income" job?
Now you have two parents both working full time jobs. One can provide just fine, the other is at the beginning of a career and can't. Who should get custody now?
The reality is that child support numbers are so skewed in womens favor that even after a divorce, the man is STILL the bread winner.
Note for the man haters. I'm not defending men who don't want their children. I'm defending fathers who are better able to provide for and raise thier children than the mother.