ServiceGuy
New Member
1. NICKNAMES:
If Emma, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will
call each other Emma, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle.
But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a pint, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla,
Peanut-Head and Useless.
2. EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in
$20, even though the bill is only for $22.50. None of them will
have anything smaller, and no one will actually admit they want change
back.When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he really wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't really want.
4. BATHROOMS:
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is
437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items,
and would be afraid to REALLY know what they are for.
5. ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
6. FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
7. SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
8. MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
9. DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty
the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings, funerals.
10. HAPPINESS:
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love
him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.
11. LONG LIFE:
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a
lot more willing to die.
12. MISTAKES:
Any married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
13. NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
14. OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows
about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, and
favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely
aware of some short people living in the house.
15. UNDERSTANDING:
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman,
before marriage and after marriage.
If Emma, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will
call each other Emma, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle.
But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a pint, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla,
Peanut-Head and Useless.
2. EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in
$20, even though the bill is only for $22.50. None of them will
have anything smaller, and no one will actually admit they want change
back.When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he really wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't really want.
4. BATHROOMS:
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is
437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items,
and would be afraid to REALLY know what they are for.
5. ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
6. FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
7. SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
8. MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
9. DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty
the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings, funerals.
10. HAPPINESS:
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love
him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.
11. LONG LIFE:
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a
lot more willing to die.
12. MISTAKES:
Any married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
13. NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
14. OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows
about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, and
favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely
aware of some short people living in the house.
15. UNDERSTANDING:
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman,
before marriage and after marriage.
