A maid in the land of Aloha
Got caught in the coils of a boa.
And as the snake squeezed,
The maid not displeased,
Cried "Come on and do it Samoa."
There was a young lady named Gloria,
Whose boyfriend said "May I explore ya?"
She replied to the chap
"I will draw you a map
Of where others have been to before ya."
There was an old whore of Kings bluff
Who said, "I have had quite enough
Of men who are thirty
and forty and fifty:
What I need is the greasy kid stuff!"
There was a yopung lady named Clair
Who possessed a magnificent pair:
Or that's what I thought,
Till I saw one get caught
On a thorn, and began losing air.
When the race for the moon runs it's course,
And women are sent there by force,
Will the men they embrace,
In the world's outer space
Start to call screwing "outercourse?"
A girl, at a party, in Gwynn,
Thought touching your privates, a sin.
She thought it was naughty,
To even go potty,
'Till her man stuck his party horn in.
A lady removing her scanties
Heard them crackle electrical chanties
Said her beau, "Have no fear
For the reason is clear:
You simply have amps in your panties."
An oversexed lady named White
Insists on a dozen a night.
A fellow named Cheddar
Had the brashness to wed her:
His chance of survival is slight.
The vicar of Dunstan St Juste
Was consumed with a terrible lust
He raped 3 startled owls
the Bishop's prize fowls
and a little green lizard that bust
There was a young lady from Norway
who hung from her heels in a doorway
She said to her beau,
"Just look at me, Joe;
I think I've discovered one more way!"
There was a young lady at sea,
who said, "how it hurts me to pee!"
"I see," said the mate,
"that accounts for the state
Of the Captain, the purser, and me!"
There was a young girl named Anhueser
Who said that no man could surprise her
But Pabst took a chance,
Found Schlitz in her pants,
And now she is sadder Budweiser.
There once was a girl from Darjeeling
Who could dance with such exquisite feeling
There was never a sound
for ten miles around
Save for fly-buttons hitting the ceiling
There was a young lady of Exeter
So pretty that men craned their necks at her
One was even so brave
as to take out and wave
the distinguishing mark of his sex at her
In the middle of Hyde Park with great force,
The General cried out for a horse.
The men looked all around,
There was none to be found.
So he just rhododendron, of course!
A big bosomed Bunny named Gression
Sold cigars at a key club concession.
When she swiveled about
Even strong men cried out,
For her costume did not keep her flesh in.
A lady athletic and handsome
Got wedged in a sleeping room transom.
When she offered much gold
For relief, she was told,
"The view is worth more than the ransom."
There was a young girl from Dubuque
Who went sailing one day with a duke.
He remarked "I am sure
You are honest and pure,"
After smelling her snatch went to puke.
There was a young lovely named Min
Who thought having sex was a sin.
But when she was tight,
It seemed quite alright,
So everyone filled her with gin.
There once was a lad, a knave
Who found a dead whore in a grave.
You must admit,
It stunk like sh!t.
But look at the money he saved.
There once was a young girl named Etta.
Who was constantly seen in a sweater.
Three reasons she had,
Too keep warm wasn't bad,
But them other two reasons were better.
A nudist resort at Benares
Took a midget in all unawares,
But he made members weep
For he just couldn't keep
His nose out of private affairs.
There was a young girl from Peru,
Who decided her loves were too few.
So she walked from her door
With a fig leaf, no more,
And now she's in bed with the flu.
There was a young fellow from Sparta.
A really magnificent farter.
On the strength of one bean
He'd fart "God Save the Queen,"
And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.
He could vary, with proper persuasion,
His fart to suit any occasion.
He could fart like a flute,
Like a lark, like a lute,
This highly fartistic Caucasian.
This sparkling young farter from Sparta,
His fart for no money would barter.
He could roar from his rear
Any scene from Shakespeare,
Or Gilbert and Sullivan's Mikado.
Nobody could play the classics finer,
As he showed me one day in the diner.
I had a bagel with lox
While he played from his buttocks:
Chopin's Etude #12 in C-minor.
He'd fart a gavotte for a starter,
And fizzle a fine serenata.
He could play on his anus
The Coriolanus:
Oof, boom,er-tum,tootle, yum tah-dah!
He was great in the Christmas Cantata,
He could double-stop fart the Toccata,
He'd boom from his ass
Bach's B-Minor Mass,
And in counterpoint, La Traviata.
Spurred on by a very high wager
With an envious German named Bager,
He'd proceeded to fart
The complete oboe part
Of a Haydn Octet in B-major.
His repertoire ranged from classics to jazz,
He achieved new effects with bubbles of gas.
With a good dose of salts
He could whistle a waltz
Or swing it in razzamatazz.
His basso profundo with timbre so rare
He rendered quite often, with power to spare.
But his great work of art,
His fortissimo fart,
He saved for the Marche Militaire.
One day he was dared to perform
The William Tell Overture Storm,
But naught could dishearten
Our spirited Spartan,
For his fart was in wonderful form.
It went off in capital style,
And he farted it through with a smile,
Then, feeling quite jolly,
He tried the finale,
Blowing double-stopped farts all the while.
The selection was tough, I admit,
But it did not dismay him one bit,
Then, with his ass thrown aloft
He suddenly coughed...
And collapsed in a shower of s***.
His bunghole was blown back to Sparta,
Where they buried the rest of our farter,
With a gravestone of turds
Inscribed with the words:
"To the Fine Art of Farting, A Martyr."
A sultan, whose loves grew so vastly,
Just couldn't love any steadfastly.
Someone asked him in fun,
If he'd slept twice with one,
He repiled "Such a thought is most ghastly."
There was a young fellow named Goodie
Who claimed that he wouldn't (but would he?)
If he found himself nude
With a girl in the mood
The question's not would he, but could he?
An anonymous woman we knew
Was dozing one day in her pew;
When the preacher yelled "Sin!"
She said "Count me in
As soon as the service is through."
There was an old hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave
She made quite a stink
but Dave said, "Just think"
of all of the money I save
There was a young fellow named Glass
whose balls were made out of pure brass
when they clanked together,
they played "Stormy Weather"
and lightning shot out of his ass
There once was a fellow named Fogg,
Who attempted to bugger a hog.
While engaged in his frolocks,
The hog ate his bollix,
And now he's a eunuch, by God!
A lady stockholder quite hetera
Decided her fortune to bettera:
On the floor, quite unclad
She sucessefuly had
Merrill Lynch, Pierce, Fenner, et cetera.
There once was a man named Sweeny
Whose wife was a terrible meany
The hatch on her snatch
Had a catch that would latch
And she could only get f***ed by Houdini.
A cute little gal from Cape Cod
Thought all babies came from God
But 'twasn't the almighty
That lifted her nightie...
Twas Roger the Lodge, By Gawd.
A Gal of the Night from Peru
Filled up her privates with glue...
She said with a grin,
"They pay to get in...
Now they'll pay to get OUT dammit too!"
His dick is most surely a dilly,
A grand and marvelous Willie.
His gal loves to give head,
But most often instead,
He ends by just screwing her silly.
A lady with features cherubic,
Was famed for her area pubic.
When asked of its size,
She exclaimed in surprise...
"Why Sir! In square feet or cubic?"
There was a young lady from Cue
Who filled her vagina with glue
She said with a grin
"If they pay to get in,
They'll pay to get out of it too."
A broken down harlot named Tupps
Was heard to confess in her cups,
"The height of my folly
Was screwing a collie,
But I got a good price for the pups."
There was a young lady named Etta
Who was constantly seen in a swetta
Of the reasons she had,
To keep warm wasn't bad,
But the other two reasons were betta.
A man who picnicked with a lass,
ended up making love in the grass,
but the heat from the sun,
spoiled most his fun,
by burning the skin on his ass!
There was a young girl from Knizes,
Wth breasts of two different sizes.
One was so small'
I was nothing at all,
But the other was large and won prizes.
On the breast of a whore named Gail.
Was tattooed the price of her Tail.
And on her behind,
for the sake of the blind,
Was the same information in Braille.
Got caught in the coils of a boa.
And as the snake squeezed,
The maid not displeased,
Cried "Come on and do it Samoa."
There was a young lady named Gloria,
Whose boyfriend said "May I explore ya?"
She replied to the chap
"I will draw you a map
Of where others have been to before ya."
There was an old whore of Kings bluff
Who said, "I have had quite enough
Of men who are thirty
and forty and fifty:
What I need is the greasy kid stuff!"
There was a yopung lady named Clair
Who possessed a magnificent pair:
Or that's what I thought,
Till I saw one get caught
On a thorn, and began losing air.
When the race for the moon runs it's course,
And women are sent there by force,
Will the men they embrace,
In the world's outer space
Start to call screwing "outercourse?"
A girl, at a party, in Gwynn,
Thought touching your privates, a sin.
She thought it was naughty,
To even go potty,
'Till her man stuck his party horn in.
A lady removing her scanties
Heard them crackle electrical chanties
Said her beau, "Have no fear
For the reason is clear:
You simply have amps in your panties."
An oversexed lady named White
Insists on a dozen a night.
A fellow named Cheddar
Had the brashness to wed her:
His chance of survival is slight.
The vicar of Dunstan St Juste
Was consumed with a terrible lust
He raped 3 startled owls
the Bishop's prize fowls
and a little green lizard that bust
There was a young lady from Norway
who hung from her heels in a doorway
She said to her beau,
"Just look at me, Joe;
I think I've discovered one more way!"
There was a young lady at sea,
who said, "how it hurts me to pee!"
"I see," said the mate,
"that accounts for the state
Of the Captain, the purser, and me!"
There was a young girl named Anhueser
Who said that no man could surprise her
But Pabst took a chance,
Found Schlitz in her pants,
And now she is sadder Budweiser.
There once was a girl from Darjeeling
Who could dance with such exquisite feeling
There was never a sound
for ten miles around
Save for fly-buttons hitting the ceiling
There was a young lady of Exeter
So pretty that men craned their necks at her
One was even so brave
as to take out and wave
the distinguishing mark of his sex at her
In the middle of Hyde Park with great force,
The General cried out for a horse.
The men looked all around,
There was none to be found.
So he just rhododendron, of course!
A big bosomed Bunny named Gression
Sold cigars at a key club concession.
When she swiveled about
Even strong men cried out,
For her costume did not keep her flesh in.
A lady athletic and handsome
Got wedged in a sleeping room transom.
When she offered much gold
For relief, she was told,
"The view is worth more than the ransom."
There was a young girl from Dubuque
Who went sailing one day with a duke.
He remarked "I am sure
You are honest and pure,"
After smelling her snatch went to puke.
There was a young lovely named Min
Who thought having sex was a sin.
But when she was tight,
It seemed quite alright,
So everyone filled her with gin.
There once was a lad, a knave
Who found a dead whore in a grave.
You must admit,
It stunk like sh!t.
But look at the money he saved.
There once was a young girl named Etta.
Who was constantly seen in a sweater.
Three reasons she had,
Too keep warm wasn't bad,
But them other two reasons were better.
A nudist resort at Benares
Took a midget in all unawares,
But he made members weep
For he just couldn't keep
His nose out of private affairs.
There was a young girl from Peru,
Who decided her loves were too few.
So she walked from her door
With a fig leaf, no more,
And now she's in bed with the flu.
There was a young fellow from Sparta.
A really magnificent farter.
On the strength of one bean
He'd fart "God Save the Queen,"
And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.
He could vary, with proper persuasion,
His fart to suit any occasion.
He could fart like a flute,
Like a lark, like a lute,
This highly fartistic Caucasian.
This sparkling young farter from Sparta,
His fart for no money would barter.
He could roar from his rear
Any scene from Shakespeare,
Or Gilbert and Sullivan's Mikado.
Nobody could play the classics finer,
As he showed me one day in the diner.
I had a bagel with lox
While he played from his buttocks:
Chopin's Etude #12 in C-minor.
He'd fart a gavotte for a starter,
And fizzle a fine serenata.
He could play on his anus
The Coriolanus:
Oof, boom,er-tum,tootle, yum tah-dah!
He was great in the Christmas Cantata,
He could double-stop fart the Toccata,
He'd boom from his ass
Bach's B-Minor Mass,
And in counterpoint, La Traviata.
Spurred on by a very high wager
With an envious German named Bager,
He'd proceeded to fart
The complete oboe part
Of a Haydn Octet in B-major.
His repertoire ranged from classics to jazz,
He achieved new effects with bubbles of gas.
With a good dose of salts
He could whistle a waltz
Or swing it in razzamatazz.
His basso profundo with timbre so rare
He rendered quite often, with power to spare.
But his great work of art,
His fortissimo fart,
He saved for the Marche Militaire.
One day he was dared to perform
The William Tell Overture Storm,
But naught could dishearten
Our spirited Spartan,
For his fart was in wonderful form.
It went off in capital style,
And he farted it through with a smile,
Then, feeling quite jolly,
He tried the finale,
Blowing double-stopped farts all the while.
The selection was tough, I admit,
But it did not dismay him one bit,
Then, with his ass thrown aloft
He suddenly coughed...
And collapsed in a shower of s***.
His bunghole was blown back to Sparta,
Where they buried the rest of our farter,
With a gravestone of turds
Inscribed with the words:
"To the Fine Art of Farting, A Martyr."
A sultan, whose loves grew so vastly,
Just couldn't love any steadfastly.
Someone asked him in fun,
If he'd slept twice with one,
He repiled "Such a thought is most ghastly."
There was a young fellow named Goodie
Who claimed that he wouldn't (but would he?)
If he found himself nude
With a girl in the mood
The question's not would he, but could he?
An anonymous woman we knew
Was dozing one day in her pew;
When the preacher yelled "Sin!"
She said "Count me in
As soon as the service is through."
There was an old hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave
She made quite a stink
but Dave said, "Just think"
of all of the money I save
There was a young fellow named Glass
whose balls were made out of pure brass
when they clanked together,
they played "Stormy Weather"
and lightning shot out of his ass
There once was a fellow named Fogg,
Who attempted to bugger a hog.
While engaged in his frolocks,
The hog ate his bollix,
And now he's a eunuch, by God!
A lady stockholder quite hetera
Decided her fortune to bettera:
On the floor, quite unclad
She sucessefuly had
Merrill Lynch, Pierce, Fenner, et cetera.
There once was a man named Sweeny
Whose wife was a terrible meany
The hatch on her snatch
Had a catch that would latch
And she could only get f***ed by Houdini.
A cute little gal from Cape Cod
Thought all babies came from God
But 'twasn't the almighty
That lifted her nightie...
Twas Roger the Lodge, By Gawd.
A Gal of the Night from Peru
Filled up her privates with glue...
She said with a grin,
"They pay to get in...
Now they'll pay to get OUT dammit too!"
His dick is most surely a dilly,
A grand and marvelous Willie.
His gal loves to give head,
But most often instead,
He ends by just screwing her silly.
A lady with features cherubic,
Was famed for her area pubic.
When asked of its size,
She exclaimed in surprise...
"Why Sir! In square feet or cubic?"
There was a young lady from Cue
Who filled her vagina with glue
She said with a grin
"If they pay to get in,
They'll pay to get out of it too."
A broken down harlot named Tupps
Was heard to confess in her cups,
"The height of my folly
Was screwing a collie,
But I got a good price for the pups."
There was a young lady named Etta
Who was constantly seen in a swetta
Of the reasons she had,
To keep warm wasn't bad,
But the other two reasons were betta.
A man who picnicked with a lass,
ended up making love in the grass,
but the heat from the sun,
spoiled most his fun,
by burning the skin on his ass!
There was a young girl from Knizes,
Wth breasts of two different sizes.
One was so small'
I was nothing at all,
But the other was large and won prizes.
On the breast of a whore named Gail.
Was tattooed the price of her Tail.
And on her behind,
for the sake of the blind,
Was the same information in Braille.
