Management Quotes! Employee submitted quotes from their "real life" Dilbert-
type managers. (They make Dilbert look tame.)
1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building
using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next
Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft
Corps. in Redmond, WA)
2. "What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we
will encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)
3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data.
It should be used only for company business."
(Accounting Manager, Electric Boat Company)
4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that
are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule"
6. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day!
We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few
weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M
Corp.)
7. "My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only
needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and
she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was only write-protected."
(CIO of Dell Computers)
8. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing
what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
9 . My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for
Monday.
When I told my boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would
have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could
change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
10. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company
is not going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
11. We recently received a memo from senior management
saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding
the memo mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)
12. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a
project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough.
He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited
until tomorrow to ask for it!"
(New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards)
type managers. (They make Dilbert look tame.)
1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building
using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next
Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft
Corps. in Redmond, WA)
2. "What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we
will encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)
3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data.
It should be used only for company business."
(Accounting Manager, Electric Boat Company)
4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that
are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule"
6. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day!
We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few
weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M
Corp.)
7. "My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only
needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and
she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was only write-protected."
(CIO of Dell Computers)
8. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing
what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
9 . My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for
Monday.
When I told my boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would
have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could
change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
10. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company
is not going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
11. We recently received a memo from senior management
saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding
the memo mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)
12. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a
project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough.
He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited
until tomorrow to ask for it!"
(New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards)