Memory Lane

[Otter]

When my uncle Stanley lost his job, he ate rice by the gallon. Sometimes he shaped the rice into food he loved but couldn't buy. He could shape it into chicken legs or hams or covered wagons. He eventually got scurvy and threatened the neighbor with a hatchet. His doctor said he needed other stuff besides rice. Now he HATES rice and refuses to acknowledge its existence. He calls it "field corn" and spits real hard when he pronounces the "f."

Covered wagons...

 

[mAlice]

funny

 

[Otter]

That kid next door is 14 and he got his skroctom (?) (I think that's the eyebrow) pierced and his dad went NUTS and ripped that thing right out of his skin. That kid ended up in the hospital and that dad had to spend the night in jail.

 

[Wickedwrench]

Can't believe I'd never heard of this guy before.

 

[Otter]

Bugs

My uncle has goldfish and he don't use no chemicals so he says to urinate in a plastic bag (like a grocery bag) and hang it from the ceiling. Then take scissors or a knife and cut a small piece of the corner of the bag. Then put an aluminum pie plate on the floor and let it drip in the pie plate. My uncle says the sound drives all bugs crazy including roaches and mice.

 

[EmnJoe]

My dad had to go to the hospital yesterday, but he's doing much better now. He woke up yesterday screaming his head off that he could smell his own b*tt and that his urine smelled like dead birds. My grandma ended up driving him to the hospital. The doctor told him that urine always smells like dead birds and that you can always smell your b*tt when you first wake up. He said my dad had a disease that makes him not handle stuff real good. He gave my dad some pills to take and told my grandma to make sure he gets some rest and doesn't get too excited. He's much better today and didn't say anything when he woke up. Anyways, I hope your mouth feels better.

 

[remaxrealtor]

This guy is very Jack Handy-esque.