Stang Girl
Mr. and Mrs.!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How Dogs and Men are the Same
· Both take up too much space on the bed.
· Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
· Both are threatened by their own kind.
· Both like to chew wood.
· Both mark their territory.
· Both are bad at asking questions.
· Neither tells you what's bothering them.
· Both tend to smell riper with age.
· The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
· Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
· Neither do any dishes.
· Neither of them notices when you get your hair cut.
· Both like dominance games.
· Both are suspicious of the postman.
· Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
· Neither understands what you see in cats.
Why Men are Better than Dogs
· Men only have two feet to track in mud.
· Men can buy you presents.
· Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.
· Men are a little bit more subtle.
· Men don't eat cat turds on the sly.
· Men open their own cans.
· Dogs have dog breath all the time.
· Men can do math stuff.
· Holiday Inns accept men.
Why Dogs are Better than Men
· Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
· Dogs miss you when you're gone.
· You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
· Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
· Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with.
· Dogs don't criticize your friends.
· Dogs admit when they're jealous.
· Dogs do not play games with you - except fetch (and then never laugh at how you throw).
· Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together.
· Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
· You can train a dog.
· Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
· You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
· Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
· The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the 'really' worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
· Dogs understand what "no" means.
· Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
· Dogs don't make a practice of killing their own species.
· Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come ins ide.
· Dogs thin k you are a culinary genius.
· You can house train a dog.
· You can force a dog to take a bath.
· Dogs don't correct your stories.
· Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
· Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.
· Dogs aren't threatened by two women with short hair.
· Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.
· Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake.
· Dogs admit it when they're lost.
· Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.
· Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
· Dogs take care of their own needs.
· Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
· Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
Dogs are nice to your relatives.
· Both take up too much space on the bed.
· Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
· Both are threatened by their own kind.
· Both like to chew wood.
· Both mark their territory.
· Both are bad at asking questions.
· Neither tells you what's bothering them.
· Both tend to smell riper with age.
· The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
· Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
· Neither do any dishes.
· Neither of them notices when you get your hair cut.
· Both like dominance games.
· Both are suspicious of the postman.
· Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
· Neither understands what you see in cats.
Why Men are Better than Dogs
· Men only have two feet to track in mud.
· Men can buy you presents.
· Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.
· Men are a little bit more subtle.
· Men don't eat cat turds on the sly.
· Men open their own cans.
· Dogs have dog breath all the time.
· Men can do math stuff.
· Holiday Inns accept men.
Why Dogs are Better than Men
· Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
· Dogs miss you when you're gone.
· You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
· Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
· Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with.
· Dogs don't criticize your friends.
· Dogs admit when they're jealous.
· Dogs do not play games with you - except fetch (and then never laugh at how you throw).
· Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together.
· Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
· You can train a dog.
· Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
· You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
· Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
· The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the 'really' worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
· Dogs understand what "no" means.
· Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
· Dogs don't make a practice of killing their own species.
· Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come ins ide.
· Dogs thin k you are a culinary genius.
· You can house train a dog.
· You can force a dog to take a bath.
· Dogs don't correct your stories.
· Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
· Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.
· Dogs aren't threatened by two women with short hair.
· Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.
· Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake.
· Dogs admit it when they're lost.
· Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.
· Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
· Dogs take care of their own needs.
· Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
· Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
Dogs are nice to your relatives.
