Mens and wimmins

[vraiblonde]

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day...okay, fine, we were gossiping about someone else. Anyway, the discussion was about how guys say they like a woman who can take care of herself, then they jockey for position around the dingbat who is in constant flummox and can't seem to get out of bed in the morning without burning down the house.

What I notice, though, is that the guys who are most needy of being someone's knight are also the most inept and unable to take care of themselves, let alone someone else.

I'm lucky because I've never attracted the knights - they're usually put off by me - but I have single girlfriends who attract them, and a couple of male friends who are the knight. It's always interesting to watch their mating habits.

Who here is single? Spill yer guts and tell us all about your relationship dysfunction.

 

[RoseRed]

 

[Grumpy]

Oh baby

 

[Kyle]

 

[Monello]

I think smart daters go with their strengths. If you have to adopt a helpless style to attract the sort of partner you desire, then that's what you do. Some other person will claim that they will never do that. Because their style is different and the type of mate they seek won't respond to they behavior.

When I was single in the service, it was interesting to watch females navigate the dating scene. Especially overseas where the locals didn't speak English. Women had numerical superiority in the number of men who would want to date them. Along with that advantage were a number of hopeful suitors who would seek to gain a perceived advantage by appearing overly helpful to the point of doing part of someone else's job. Some women milked it for all they could while others took the approach of I'll do my own damn work. Who is to say 1 way is right and the other wrong?

 

[GWguy]

What I notice, though, is that the guys who are most needy of being someone's knight are also the most inept and unable to take care of themselves, let alone someone else.

I don't even have a dog. It would die in my care...

 

[Merlin99]

I think smart daters go with their strengths. If you have to adopt a helpless style to attract the sort of partner you desire, then that's what you do. Some other person will claim that they will never do that. Because their style is different and the type of mate they seek won't respond to they behavior.

When I was single in the service, it was interesting to watch females navigate the dating scene. Especially overseas where the locals didn't speak English. Women had numerical superiority in the number of men who would want to date them. Along with that advantage were a number of hopeful suitors who would seek to gain a perceived advantage by appearing overly helpful to the point of doing part of someone else's job. Some women milked it for all they could while others took the approach of I'll do my own damn work. Who is to say 1 way is right and the other wrong?

We just had a couple who worked the fan rooms for cash.

 

[nobody really]

I don't need a knight in shining armour, I just need one that can change the wax ring on a friggin toilet. a plumber charged me $140 to fix it.

 

[Grumpy]

I don't need a knight in shining armour, I just need one that can change the wax ring on a friggin toilet. a plumber charged me $140 to fix it.

damn, but guess it was service call charge plus labor..

 

[SamSpade]

I don't need a knight in shining armour, I just need one that can change the wax ring on a friggin toilet. a plumber charged me $140 to fix it.

Wow. Good price. Which plumber was THAT?

Thankfully I haven't had to date in 18 years.

But one of the things that attracted me to my wife was - she DID NOT need me to save her, do stuff for her, provide a social life and keep her entertained. She had her own life, her own career, her own friends and was never going to be "needy". If some evening or weekend I couldn't make it over, she wasn't going to lose her chit. There were no ultimatums.

BUT -

What made her different is that OTHER women I dated who were like this definitely came across as though they not only didn't need me at all for any reason - but I could come or go. Didn't really matter, or so it seemed. I don't want to have to take care of you, but dammit, I expect that my FRIENDS at least value my friendship enough to WANT me to be there. My wife made it clear she wanted me in her life -

I guess basically - she has to show that while her heart needs me, her life doesn't.

 

[nobody really]

Wow. Good price. Which plumber was THAT?

Thankfully I haven't had to date in 18 years.

But one of the things that attracted me to my wife was - she DID NOT need me to save her, do stuff for her, provide a social life and keep her entertained. She had her own life, her own career, her own friends and was never going to be "needy". If some evening or weekend I couldn't make it over, she wasn't going to lose her chit. There were no ultimatums.

BUT -

What made her different is that OTHER women I dated who were like this definitely came across as though they not only didn't need me at all for any reason - but I could come or go. Didn't really matter, or so it seemed. I don't want to have to take care of you, but dammit, I expect that my FRIENDS at least value my friendship enough to WANT me to be there. My wife made it clear she wanted me in her life -

I guess basically - she has to show that while her heart needs me, her life doesn't.

I think I lost a really cool guy because of that...I valued my independence to the point where he felt like I didn't need or want him around. Only when it was too late (he had started dating someone else), that I realized too much independence can be a bad thing (didn't cheat or anything, I was just always on the go).

 

[kwillia]

What I notice, though, is that the guys who are most needy of being someone's knight are also the most inept and unable to take care of themselves, let alone someone else.

I believe this to be completely normal human behavior. But the downside of those types making a go at it is they don't typically make it long-term. The "woe is me vs. I'll save you" is a vicious cycle that never gets fixed thus stunted growth. That can only go on for so long. The end result is either multiple marriages or forevermore bachelor/bachelorette-hood as they "rinse and repeat".

 

[BernieP]

View attachment 145883

and that says alot about personality, disorder that is.
RUN!

 

[BernieP]

I believe this to be completely normal human behavior. But the downside of those types making a go at it is they don't typically make it long-term. The "woe is me vs. I'll save you" is a vicious cycle that never gets fixed thus stunted growth. That can only go on for so long. The end result is either multiple marriages or forevermore bachelor/bachelorette-hood as they "rinse and repeat".

there is a word for it, manipulation.
I worked in an office with this "woman" who guys felt was hot, but for some reason I didn't get the attraction.
She played the inept damsel (unless you caught her with her guard down and fangs out)
She was a user, she had guys doing everything imaginable for her. One guy would take care of her apartment, animals, plants, trash, everything, while she was on vacation (free ski trip out west) with another guy.
bat the eyes, pout, look at the floor like a lost puppy. It's just manipulation.
When that stops working, they get mean.

 

[kwillia]

there is a word for it, manipulation.
I worked in an office with this "woman" who guys felt was hot, but for some reason I didn't get the attraction.
She played the inept damsel (unless you caught her with her guard down and fangs out)
She was a user, she had guys doing everything imaginable for her. One guy would take care of her apartment, animals, plants, trash, everything, while she was on vacation (free ski trip out west) with another guy.
bat the eyes, pout, look at the floor like a lost puppy. It's just manipulation.
When that stops working, they get mean.

Yep. See it often.

 

[RoseRed]

There's something to be said about a RBF.

 

[BOP]

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day...okay, fine, we were gossiping about someone else. Anyway, the discussion was about how guys say they like a woman who can take care of herself, then they jockey for position around the dingbat who is in constant flummox and can't seem to get out of bed in the morning without burning down the house.

What I notice, though, is that the guys who are most needy of being someone's knight are also the most inept and unable to take care of themselves, let alone someone else.

I'm lucky because I've never attracted the knights - they're usually put off by me - but I have single girlfriends who attract them, and a couple of male friends who are the knight. It's always interesting to watch their mating habits.

Who here is single? Spill yer guts and tell us all about your relationship dysfunction.

Being wife-less, I'm too old to start dating. Besides, if it weren't for having to go to the post office or the grocery store, there's really no reason to leave the house.

 

[SamSpade]

there is a word for it, manipulation.
I worked in an office with this "woman" who guys felt was hot, but for some reason I didn't get the attraction.
She played the inept damsel (unless you caught her with her guard down and fangs out)
She was a user, she had guys doing everything imaginable for her. One guy would take care of her apartment, animals, plants, trash, everything, while she was on vacation (free ski trip out west) with another guy.
bat the eyes, pout, look at the floor like a lost puppy. It's just manipulation.
When that stops working, they get mean.

I was about half way through college before I finally stopped falling for this.
UNfortunately, I had become so jaded by that time, I was seriously unable to believe any woman would flirt with me on purpose.
On more than one occasion, some girl I know would start being flirtatious and I'd roll my eyes and say "just TELL me what you want already".
I learned much later a LOT of those were completely in earnest. Oh well.

 

[Monello]

t genuinely good hearted men who do things like that all the time, not just for me, but for other people as well. And expect nothing in return.

Expect, maybe. Hoping for something in return, probably.

 

[vraiblonde]

there is a word for it, manipulation.
I worked in an office with this "woman" who guys felt was hot, but for some reason I didn't get the attraction.
She played the inept damsel (unless you caught her with her guard down and fangs out)
She was a user, she had guys doing everything imaginable for her. One guy would take care of her apartment, animals, plants, trash, everything, while she was on vacation (free ski trip out west) with another guy.
bat the eyes, pout, look at the floor like a lost puppy. It's just manipulation.
When that stops working, they get mean.

It's not like she put a gun to their head, so you can't really blame her for men clamoring for her attention.

That's probably the only real thing I dislike about men in general. They come onto you, wanting to buy you drinks or jewelry or cars, begging for attention in the most embarrassing ways, and somehow it's not only the woman's fault they behave this way, but when she's not interested in their attention she is the bitch. "Look at all this stuff I'm trying to give you and do for you!! Now you get over here and be my girlfriend!"