I had been caring for him for the past 6 months in my home, he was 53 years old and had one leg amputated due to blood clots and still had a blood clot in his lungs. We found out about a month ago, he also had lung cancer, they gave him 3 months to live at that time. I dont know whether it is fortunate or unfortunate that he did not make it the full 3 months after seeing the agony he was in.
I guess it happened here today in my home around 3:00 or so. It was so sad and magical all at the same time. His suffering has finally ended!
I believe what finally killed him was the blood clots. I believe they broke off in his lungs and stopped his ability to breath. I also believe an angel or spirit visited him last night. He told us this morning that "I dont need this oxygen thing in my nose anymore to breath, remember they came last night and cut a hole in it and told me I could breath just fine?" I believe some sort of spirit came and told him that if he came with them, he would not need the oxygen to breath and he didnt believe them so they cut a whole in his oxygen tube as proof (ofcourse there was no hole but he believed there was)
He asked for my mom and we were trying to get him to eat because we did not think this was the end. Hospice came in and said they did not think it would be today but a matter of a few days or weeks.
We all left the room and heard 2 loud knocks on the wall (that was the way he notified us when he needed us) he was gasping for air. I gave him 3 morophine shots under his tongue to help his breathing and he just laid back. The entire time he had this blank stare on his face almost like he was alive and breathing but he was not there. I honestly know what they mean when they say their bodies are there, they are breathing their hearts are beating but there is nothing there. It was like he was just about gone.
I did not realize the importance of telling him he could go as hospice had informed us before. I didnt know if I could do it either. I grabbed his hand and told him "you dont have to keep trying to breath so hard, you can go, we will be alright, you go and be happy and healthy" he was unresponsive still at this point and his breaths were so labored. My grandmother hugged and kissed him goodbye, my mother told him she loved him and that she would take care of his adult son. He was still hanging on and breathing very deep but few and far between. Everyone left the room but my husband and I. My husband came and told him "It is ok to go Bully (thats what we called him) I will take care of these women, they will be ok, I will make sure of it" A few minutes, maybe 3 passed and after that, he stopped breathing all together.
It was very hard. Although I got very angry at God last night and begged him to take him, and told him that he was not supposed to work this way by allowing him to suffer and to please take him, it was still a shock!
I got to that point w/ wanting him to go yesterday not due to the cancer. It was one thing for him to know that cancer was eating him up inside but he did not have to see it, but his one good foot was turning completely black w/ blisters all over it due to no circulation and gangrene was setting in and his amputated leg was also blue above the knee almost to his hip. That was the hardest part for me, knowing that everyday he had to look at that eating away at him. The cancer was invisible to us all, but his legs made it very real.
Its so amazing to me, that the simple words of "its ok to go" allows someone to pass on. Its amazing to me, that I had the power of ending his pain by saying them. Its amazing to me, that God answered my prayers and stopped his suffering and allowed an angel or spirit or whatever, to come to him, and let him know that he was going to be ok and that he would be free to breath on his own. I feel so sad right now, but I know he is in a better place and that he is somewhere with 2 legs, free of cancer and blood clots.
Thank you for allowing me to share my story with you. Please keep my family in your prayers!
Christy
I guess it happened here today in my home around 3:00 or so. It was so sad and magical all at the same time. His suffering has finally ended!
I believe what finally killed him was the blood clots. I believe they broke off in his lungs and stopped his ability to breath. I also believe an angel or spirit visited him last night. He told us this morning that "I dont need this oxygen thing in my nose anymore to breath, remember they came last night and cut a hole in it and told me I could breath just fine?" I believe some sort of spirit came and told him that if he came with them, he would not need the oxygen to breath and he didnt believe them so they cut a whole in his oxygen tube as proof (ofcourse there was no hole but he believed there was)
He asked for my mom and we were trying to get him to eat because we did not think this was the end. Hospice came in and said they did not think it would be today but a matter of a few days or weeks.
We all left the room and heard 2 loud knocks on the wall (that was the way he notified us when he needed us) he was gasping for air. I gave him 3 morophine shots under his tongue to help his breathing and he just laid back. The entire time he had this blank stare on his face almost like he was alive and breathing but he was not there. I honestly know what they mean when they say their bodies are there, they are breathing their hearts are beating but there is nothing there. It was like he was just about gone.
I did not realize the importance of telling him he could go as hospice had informed us before. I didnt know if I could do it either. I grabbed his hand and told him "you dont have to keep trying to breath so hard, you can go, we will be alright, you go and be happy and healthy" he was unresponsive still at this point and his breaths were so labored. My grandmother hugged and kissed him goodbye, my mother told him she loved him and that she would take care of his adult son. He was still hanging on and breathing very deep but few and far between. Everyone left the room but my husband and I. My husband came and told him "It is ok to go Bully (thats what we called him) I will take care of these women, they will be ok, I will make sure of it" A few minutes, maybe 3 passed and after that, he stopped breathing all together.
It was very hard. Although I got very angry at God last night and begged him to take him, and told him that he was not supposed to work this way by allowing him to suffer and to please take him, it was still a shock!
I got to that point w/ wanting him to go yesterday not due to the cancer. It was one thing for him to know that cancer was eating him up inside but he did not have to see it, but his one good foot was turning completely black w/ blisters all over it due to no circulation and gangrene was setting in and his amputated leg was also blue above the knee almost to his hip. That was the hardest part for me, knowing that everyday he had to look at that eating away at him. The cancer was invisible to us all, but his legs made it very real.
Its so amazing to me, that the simple words of "its ok to go" allows someone to pass on. Its amazing to me, that I had the power of ending his pain by saying them. Its amazing to me, that God answered my prayers and stopped his suffering and allowed an angel or spirit or whatever, to come to him, and let him know that he was going to be ok and that he would be free to breath on his own. I feel so sad right now, but I know he is in a better place and that he is somewhere with 2 legs, free of cancer and blood clots.
Thank you for allowing me to share my story with you. Please keep my family in your prayers!
Christy
