Nagging

[JabbaJawz]

Mackenzie (will turn 4 in September) is such a little nag-hag . I mean, I know kids will drive ya batty, but she just nags constantly and asks the same questions OVER, and OVER, and then AGAIN!! Tonight the whole way home (1 hour, 40 minutes) she must have asked me 45 times if she could ride her bike. I told her she could if she ate a good dinner. She continued to ask several more times, and I continued to answer with the same response. Then I begin telling her to stop asking, that I have already answered her, and she says, "okay." But then...2 minutes later...SHE ASKS AGAINNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!! AAAAaaaahhhhhhhhh!!! I swear, it's driving me crazy. So Dean is feeding her dinner and I'm in here on the PC and I hear him raise his voice and say "STOP ASKING!!!" I know she must be talking about that damn bike again !!

She doesn't only do this with the bike, but with everything...I'm sure she'll pass this stage, but OMGGGGGGGG it's driving me insane! I know the little nerd is only excited, but daggg!

 

[Kizzy]

Cari,

Good advice on the cleaning up after yourself thing. I am having a tough time around this house, because in the past, I let my kids get away with way too much. I just get sick and tired of picking the same crap off the floor every night. Now, I tell the kids one time and I tell them if I come back and see it, I am throwing the toys in the trash. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

On the nagging thing, I can relate Lauren. My son is 4 and nags the crap out of me. Everything has to be right now. No concept of time what so ever. I wish I could say it goes away, but my 7 year old does the same crap. I would think my kids would get sick and tired of me screaming and yelling all the time, but no, they are desensitized by my voice. My hubby can come in the room and yell one time and they are jumping up and cleaning the mess up or they stop the nagging.

 

[JabbaJawz]

Right, I know what you mean about making the child responsible for his/her actions. Mac has been backtalking here and there and we've been cracking down on her for it and taking away things that she truly loves. It's working so far, and she understands why they get taken away and what she has to do to get them back.

I guess I've never tried ignoring her when she nags, but that's definitely a good suggestion. Most times after I answer her I say, "I've already answered you, don't ask again." It keeps her quiet for a little while, but she STILL asks again after a few minutes. It's so frustrating and lately my patience is thin anyway...and her nagging doesn't help any!

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by IM4Change
Everything has to be right now.

Mackenzie is like this, too. I made the mistake of telling her that she was invited to a friend's birthday party a couple weeks before it was scheduled. I NEVER heard the end of it. For 2 weeks straight I was trying to tell her that the party was going to be a few days away, etc... but she kept thinking it was "today" everyday.

A couple weeks after we got past that she got another invitation at school. I hadn't let her see it yet, but when I got home I showed it to Dean. He looked at me like, "Oh God, you're not telling her about this now, are you?!?!?!"

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by cariblue
This would have been a perfect time to introduce her to a calender. Circle "today" and "the day of the event" and tell her to mark off a day at the end of each day. Try that next time she has an event coming up.

Cari - that is a SUPER idea. I feel like a tard for not thinking of it myself. I feel like things are in shambles with my current living arrangement - when I move I'll have my sh*t together a little more. Mac would love to do a countdown calendar!

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by cariblue
Sometimes it seems like they scream forever, but mine survived.

Yep, you got it. I don't have a problem listening to the crying. Sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do!

 

[Pete]

I hear you all

Mine is 6 and he still nags. Just today I told him that his best friends mom called and he could not come over to play because she forgot about a school concert and they would not be home. He asked me 5 times before we got out of the parking lot if he could still go over and play. I almost blew a gasket, I pulled over and told him, "sure I will just drive 15 miles over and drop him off in the yard by yourself because no one was home.

As we speak his royal highness has nagged me 20 times to go get his blanket for him. I would make him do it himself but it's in his bag out in the truck. He wants it NOW.

I sometimes think my boy is obsessive, he gets on something and will not let it go. I have had to do the old, "If you ask 1 more time you won' get it until your 30."

The only thing I am worried about regarding this move is him. It seems that I am not only the chief cook, bottle washer, laundry wench, but I am Entertainment Director too. We live in Navy Housing and there are kids all over the place. When we get to the new place it is going to be more solitary. I have a feeling he is going to drive me nuts.

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by cariblue
Once you start looking, and get past this completely demanding time in your life and things settle down, you'll discover all kinds of cool things to teach her to behave better.

Yes, you're SO right. Life is insane right now. The wedding, the commute, the house, etc... After we move things are going to be back to normal, and I can't wait!! They're still saying mid-June, and my fingers are crossed!

 

[JabbaJawz]

Re: I hear you all

Originally posted by dpete2q
I sometimes think my boy is obsessive, he gets on something and will not let it go. I have had to do the old, "If you ask 1 more time you won' get it until your 30."

I know the feeling! I say, "If you ask 1 more time you're not riding your bike at all!" She even tries to pull the fast one on me sometimes - she'll start to ask again and I tell her, "I told you already not to ask again," and she says, "I wasn't going to ask you that!"...knowing daggone well that she WAS!! The little weasel-head!!

 

[Kizzy]

My hubby let my 4 year old take a movie to school last week. I picked him up from school and get all the way home when he says you forgot my movie. I told him the school was closed and he would have to wait until the morning. That wasn't good enough. He pestered all fricken night about that movie. Finally, he told me I wasn’t his best friend anymore.

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by IM4Change
Finally, he told me I wasn’t his best friend anymore.

Mac tries to pull that crap, too. I ended her back-talking and smart-mouthing pretty quick, though. I don't want it to progress....I ain't trying to make a guest appearance on Jerry Springer in the years to come,

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by cariblue
I reached a point where I would just walk out of the room, lock myself in the bathroom and turn the water on, so I couldn't hear her.

Thank God I'm not the only one who's ever done that!

Lauren, nag her back. She's going to do it anyway so you might as well have some fun with it. When she says, "Mommy, is today my party?" reply with, "Have you cleaned your room yet?" and just keep it up until you're bored. Or you could copy her. "Mommy, are we there yet?" "Mommy, are we there yet?"

My neighbor has a 4 year old and we have a lot of fun tormenting this kid.

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
Lauren, nag her back. She's going to do it anyway so you might as well have some fun with it. When she says, "Mommy, is today my party?" reply with, "Have you cleaned your room yet?" and just keep it up until you're bored. Or you could copy her. "Mommy, are we there yet?" "Mommy, are we there yet?"

My neighbor has a 4 year old and we have a lot of fun tormenting this kid.

Ya'll are full of great ideas! You're right, the little beastess is going to do it anyway, so I might as well nag her back and let her see how it feels. She is old enough to understand and get irritated, . Actually, I've done it a time or 2 not meaning to, and she gets all mad and says, "I already told you that." - so I know she'd make the connection if I did it purposely.

 

[Dymphna]

My oldest will be 5 in August. He didn't talk until he was 3. We even had him evaluated, we were so worried about his language development. Boy I miss those days. Now he talks constantly, even in his sleep (it's true).

Yesterday he says to me, "Can I have. . .?"
me: "no"
him: "why?"
me: "Because I said so"
him: "why?"
me: "why do you always ask, 'why?'"
him: "It's my job."
me: "Don't ask me why I say 'no.' I like it, it's my favorite word, I'm the Mommy, that's why. If you want to ask me why the sky is blue or why the grass is green, fine, but don't ask me why I say 'no.'"
him: "Why is the sun yellow?"

I wish kid number 2 hadn't learned to talk yet. He's 2 1/2. Boy is he a brat! As I was trying to type this the boys got into an argument about a toy, since the 4 yr old had it first and the 2 yr old doesn't know how to share, neither one was giving up. I finally had to take it and put it out of reach. Let the temper tantrum ensue! I typed most of this one handed b/c he was pulling on the other and screaming, "my toy" I ignored him and he finally gave up. He wore himself out though, he's on the floor in the fetal position with his blanket and stuffed animal.

Any ideas on dealing with the brat?? Ignoring MIGHT make the tantrums stop sooner, I'm not sure, but it doesn't stop the frequency of them. I've unplugged the TVs for the week because that sometimes causes tantrums when the show he wants to watch isn't on when he wants to watch it. Videotapes don't always help that b/c he knows what we have and sometimes after 5 minutes he wants to watch something else. He also doesn't want to leave the house if he's watching TV. He refuses to wear pants. If we have to go out and I put them on him he pitches a royal fit and I have to put them on, put the shoes on and get him strapped into the car seat, all w/o letting his hands go or else he'll undo what I've done.

 

[Pookie]

Originally posted by cariblue
My personal experience was to ignore it. Anytime my kids displayed unwanted behavior, I ignored them...unless it was dangerous. When my youngest was having her temper tantrums, she would throw herself to the floor, bang her head on the floor, kick and scream. At first I freaked out! I thought she was going to give herself brain damage. I reached a point where I would just walk out of the room, lock myself in the bathroom and turn the water on, so I couldn't hear her. After a few minutes she would stop, then knock on the bathroom door and say "Mommy, I'll be good".

And sometimes you have to make them responsible for their actions, even very young. That was the only way I could potty train my youngest. After a few days of cleaning up the "mess", she decided she wanted to use the potty. I think you're past that stage, but it's a good example.

cari, i'm going through the EXACT same thing right now with my daughter who's not even 2 yet! whenever she gets pissed, she'll slap herself in the head, bite her fingers (so hard she leaves scabs on them), and lastly...she throws herself on the ground and flails like a half dead chicken. when she acts like that it drives me absolutely INSANE, especially when she does this in front of the sitter, considering she never acts that way for her!

anyway, how long do you have to ignore them before they start acting like normal human beings? these tantrums are really driving me crazy and it seems that even ignoring doesn't help anymore....what should I do?

 

[carolinagirl]

My littlest one is all these things and more. My "pay back" so my mom says. She is frustrating and hilarious at the same time!! My oldest was a breeze, she just went with the flow, knew her limits and knew by the tone of my voice when she better get back in line. The youngest is a TERROR. She does the question asking thing over and over, she throws trantrums, claims she is angry at me and not longer my friend, refuses to allow her dad and I to dress her. Case in point, the hubby had to work a double last night. He comes home and tries to dress her, she decides she doesn't like the shirt that he picked, pitches a tantrum and decides on a multi-colored striped shirt that in NO WAY matches her pants. He gives up and puts it on her. I' say "you look like a clown", she says "okay." Go figure. I am a strict mom and was raised and still believe that parents run the house. My favorite line is "I'm the mommy, that's why!" But with her, I find myself doing alot more compromising than I ever thought I would. I just chalk it up to one of GOD's little jokes He is playing on me. I will say this about her, she is very intelligent and I think she is just bored at times and that is why she pulls these little stunts. To shake up the routine sometimes.

 

[vraiblonde]

I never knew what to do with little kids - wasn't much of a "Mommy" Mommy. When they'd start acting like jerks I'd stand there and look at them like a social scientist observing some Ubangi tribe member. I'd be like, "Doesn't that embarrass you?"

My daughter tried the ol' "you're not my friend anymore" and I'd say, "Good, because I'd never want a mean friend like you anyway." Or she'd say, "I'll be your best friend?" and I'd reply, "I already have a best friend. What else ya got?"

They'd throw themselves on the floor, knocking themselves silly in the process, then start crying because it hurt. I'd say, "Well, THAT wasn't very smart."

I tended to talk to them like they were nutcase adults because I didn't know any other way to communicate with them.

I was never concerned about strange clothing - my kids still go around in what I consider "costume".

 

[carolinagirl]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
I never knew what to do with little kids - wasn't much of a "Mommy" Mommy. When they'd start acting like jerks I'd stand there and look at them like a social scientist observing some Ubangi tribe member. I'd be like, "Doesn't that embarrass you?"

My daughter tried the ol' "you're not my friend anymore" and I'd say, "Good, because I'd never want a mean friend like you anyway." Or she'd say, "I'll be your best friend?" and I'd reply, "I already have a best friend. What else ya got?"

They'd throw themselves on the floor, knocking themselves silly in the process, then start crying because it hurt. I'd say, "Well, THAT wasn't very smart."

I tended to talk to them like they were nutcase adults because I didn't know any other way to communicate with them.

I was never concerned about strange clothing - my kids still go around in what I consider "costume".

Funny, I'll have to use a couple of those lines. (If ya don't mind.) I am beginning to see that matching shoes and clothes just don't matter.

 

[vraiblonde]

Thinking back, it's a wonder my kids aren't on the shrink couch - maybe they will be when they can afford it.

"I'm not talking to you when you act like this."

That was always my response to toddler whining - "Sorry, I don't speak "whine". Come back when you can communicate in English."

Or you could cry - I found out that trick by accident. Gets 'em every time.

 

[sleuth]

In the early rush of morning,
Trying to get the kids to school:
One's hanging on my shirt-tail,
Another's locked up in her room.
And I'm yelling up the stairs:
"Stop worrying 'bout your hair, you look fine."

Then they're fightin' in the backseat,
And I'm playing referee.
Now someone's gotta go,
The moment that we leave.
And everybody's late,
I swear that I can't wait till they grow up.

Then they do, and that's how it is.
It's just quiet in the mornin',
Can't believe how much you miss,
All they do and all they did.
You want all the dreams they dreamed of to come true:
Then they do.

Now the youngest is starting college,
She'll be leavin' in the Fall.
And Brianna's latest boyfriend,
Called to ask if we could talk.
And I got the impression,
That he's about to pop the question any day.

I look over at their pictures,
Sittin' in their frames.
I see them as babies:
I guess that'll never change.
You pray all their lives,
That someday they will find happiness.

Then they do, and that's how it is.
It's just quiet in the mornin',
Can't believe how much you miss,
All they do and all they did.
You want all the dreams they dreamed of to come true:
Then they do.

No more Monday PTA's,
No carpools, or soccer games.
Your work is done.
Now you've got time that's all your own.
You've been waitin' for so long,
For those days to come.

Then they do, and that's how it is.
It's just quiet in the mornin',
Can't believe how much you miss,
All they do and all they did.
You want all the dreams they dreamed of to come true:
Then they do.