DAMITOL: Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.
ST. MOM'S WORT: Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
EMPTYNESTROGEN: Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
DUMEROL: When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of loud country western music and cheap beer.
FLIPITOR: Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
MENICILLIN: Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"
BUY-AGRA: Injectable stimulant to be taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
EXTRA STRENGTH BUY-ONE-AL: When combined with Buy-agra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a book by Dr. Laura.
JACKASSPIRIN: Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, or phone number.
ANTI-TALKSIDENT: A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
SEXCEDRIN: More effective than Excedrin in treating the "Not now, dear, I have a headache" syndrome.
RAGAMET: When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
PEPTOBIMBO: Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
ST. MOM'S WORT: Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
EMPTYNESTROGEN: Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
DUMEROL: When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of loud country western music and cheap beer.
FLIPITOR: Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
MENICILLIN: Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"
BUY-AGRA: Injectable stimulant to be taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
EXTRA STRENGTH BUY-ONE-AL: When combined with Buy-agra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a book by Dr. Laura.
JACKASSPIRIN: Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, or phone number.
ANTI-TALKSIDENT: A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
SEXCEDRIN: More effective than Excedrin in treating the "Not now, dear, I have a headache" syndrome.
RAGAMET: When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
PEPTOBIMBO: Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
Rose
What a scathing retort. Have you been taking lessons from dems?