kwillia
n/a
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.
Beauty Parlor: A place where women curl up and dye.
Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Burglarize: What a crook sees with.
Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people.
Chickens: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
Eclipse: what an English barber does for a living.
Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
Eyedropper: a clumsy ophthalmologist.
Generica: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Gossip: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
Handkerchief: Cold Storage.
Heroes: what a guy in a boat does.
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a**hole.
Inflation: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Irritainment: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O. J. trials were a prime example.
Left Bank: what the robber did after his bag was full of loot.
Misty: How golfers create divots.
Mosquito: An insect that makes you like flies better.
Mouse Potato: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
Onosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
Paradox: two physicians.
Parasites: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Percussive Maintenance: The fine art of whacking the s*** out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
Perfect Pitch: what it is when you throw a banjo in a dumpster and it didn't hit the sides.
Pharmacist: a helper on the farm.
Polarize: what penguins see with.
Primate: removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
Raisin: Grape with a sunburn.
Relief: what trees do in the spring.
Rubberneck: what you do to relax your wife.
Salmon Day: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
Seamstress: describes 250 pounds in a size six.
Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
Secret: Something you tell to one person at a time.
Selfish: what the owner of a seafood store does.
SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.
Subdued: like, a guy, like, who works on one of those, like, submarines, man.
Sudafed: bringing litigation against a government official.
Swipeout: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.
Wrinkles: Something other people have. You have character lines.
Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed.
Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.
Beauty Parlor: A place where women curl up and dye.
Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Burglarize: What a crook sees with.
Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people.
Chickens: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
Eclipse: what an English barber does for a living.
Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
Eyedropper: a clumsy ophthalmologist.
Generica: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Gossip: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
Handkerchief: Cold Storage.
Heroes: what a guy in a boat does.
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a**hole.
Inflation: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Irritainment: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O. J. trials were a prime example.
Left Bank: what the robber did after his bag was full of loot.
Misty: How golfers create divots.
Mosquito: An insect that makes you like flies better.
Mouse Potato: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
Onosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
Paradox: two physicians.
Parasites: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Percussive Maintenance: The fine art of whacking the s*** out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
Perfect Pitch: what it is when you throw a banjo in a dumpster and it didn't hit the sides.
Pharmacist: a helper on the farm.
Polarize: what penguins see with.
Primate: removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
Raisin: Grape with a sunburn.
Relief: what trees do in the spring.
Rubberneck: what you do to relax your wife.
Salmon Day: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
Seamstress: describes 250 pounds in a size six.
Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
Secret: Something you tell to one person at a time.
Selfish: what the owner of a seafood store does.
SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.
Subdued: like, a guy, like, who works on one of those, like, submarines, man.
Sudafed: bringing litigation against a government official.
Swipeout: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.
Wrinkles: Something other people have. You have character lines.
Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed.