President elect Obama has arranged for his first meeting with foreign leaders from other countries to demonstrate his foreign policy expertise. It's scheduled to run for five minutes.
~~~
Q. What will America's national bird be when Obama takes office?
A. His middle finger.
~~~
Q. What will the difference be between President Obama and Karl Marx?
A. Nobody knows.
~~~
Q. Why won't President Obama have a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner?
A. Vice President Biden will be out of town.
~~~
Between now and his inauguration as President on January 20th, Obama intends to clean out his Senate office. That is, if he can remember where it is.
~~~
Q. Why is the Secret Service installing lighting rods at the White House?
A. To protect President Obama as he takes his Oath of Office.
~~~
Q. How will President Obama oppose Russia's invasion of Georgia?
A. He'll send troops to Atlanta.
~~~
President Obama once spent days looking for his new jacket. Finally, he decided that he'd head back over to Trinity United on Sunday, and sit in the back. During the service, he would sneak out and grab a jacket from the rack near the front door.
On Sunday, he actually went to the so-called church and sat in the back. The "sermon" was about the top ten reasons to hate white people.
He sat through the demonic shouting and instead of sneaking out, he waited until the shouting was over and went to talk to the "minister."
"Reverend Wright, I came here today to steal a jacket to replace the one I lost. But after hearing your shouting about the top ten reasons to hate white people, I changed my mind."
Reverend Wright said, "Bless you my son. Was it when I started to preach, 'Thou shalt hate Hillary Clinton and other white women,' that changed your heart?"
Obama responded, "No. It was the point about homosexual white men who sniff cocaine and ride around in limousines. When you started to preach about that, I instantly remembered where I left my jacket."
~~~
Q. Why did Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because Jimmy doesn’t want to be the worst President in history.
~~~
Q. Why did Senator Ted Kennedy vote for Barack Obama?
A. Brain tumor.
~~~
Q. Why won’t Obama laugh at himself?
A. Because it would be racist.
~~~
Q. Why won’t Obama release his real birth certificate?
A. The ink isn’t dry yet.
~~~
What do SIMBA and OBAMA have in common?
One is an African lion and the other is a lying African.
~~~
Word was received that the White House and Obama are on good terms now.
Vice President Cheney just invited Obama on a hunting trip.
~~~
Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, “What would you like to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the Obama. “How about What Changes I Should Make To America?” and he smiles.
“OK,” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”
Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don’t know ####?”
~~~
According to recent news reports, Bill Clinton has now become an adviser to Barack Obama. Bill Clinton is giving advice to Barack Obama. Do you know who is really upset about this? Michelle Obama.
~~~
The sad fact is that if John McCain was elected President he might not last another four more years. A sadder fact is that since Barack Obama was elected President then America might not last another four more years.
~~~
Q. What do Obama and Osama have in common?
A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.
~~~
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break'? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said, 'Obama in '08 .' I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.
~~~
Q. What’s black and blue and dead all over?
A. Anyone who tells an Obama joke.
~~~
Q. What will America's national bird be when Obama takes office?
A. His middle finger.
~~~
Q. What will the difference be between President Obama and Karl Marx?
A. Nobody knows.
~~~
Q. Why won't President Obama have a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner?
A. Vice President Biden will be out of town.
~~~
Between now and his inauguration as President on January 20th, Obama intends to clean out his Senate office. That is, if he can remember where it is.
~~~
Q. Why is the Secret Service installing lighting rods at the White House?
A. To protect President Obama as he takes his Oath of Office.
~~~
Q. How will President Obama oppose Russia's invasion of Georgia?
A. He'll send troops to Atlanta.
~~~
President Obama once spent days looking for his new jacket. Finally, he decided that he'd head back over to Trinity United on Sunday, and sit in the back. During the service, he would sneak out and grab a jacket from the rack near the front door.
On Sunday, he actually went to the so-called church and sat in the back. The "sermon" was about the top ten reasons to hate white people.
He sat through the demonic shouting and instead of sneaking out, he waited until the shouting was over and went to talk to the "minister."
"Reverend Wright, I came here today to steal a jacket to replace the one I lost. But after hearing your shouting about the top ten reasons to hate white people, I changed my mind."
Reverend Wright said, "Bless you my son. Was it when I started to preach, 'Thou shalt hate Hillary Clinton and other white women,' that changed your heart?"
Obama responded, "No. It was the point about homosexual white men who sniff cocaine and ride around in limousines. When you started to preach about that, I instantly remembered where I left my jacket."
~~~
Q. Why did Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because Jimmy doesn’t want to be the worst President in history.
~~~
Q. Why did Senator Ted Kennedy vote for Barack Obama?
A. Brain tumor.
~~~
Q. Why won’t Obama laugh at himself?
A. Because it would be racist.
~~~
Q. Why won’t Obama release his real birth certificate?
A. The ink isn’t dry yet.
~~~
What do SIMBA and OBAMA have in common?
One is an African lion and the other is a lying African.
~~~
Word was received that the White House and Obama are on good terms now.
Vice President Cheney just invited Obama on a hunting trip.
~~~
Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, “What would you like to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the Obama. “How about What Changes I Should Make To America?” and he smiles.
“OK,” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”
Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don’t know ####?”
~~~
According to recent news reports, Bill Clinton has now become an adviser to Barack Obama. Bill Clinton is giving advice to Barack Obama. Do you know who is really upset about this? Michelle Obama.
~~~
The sad fact is that if John McCain was elected President he might not last another four more years. A sadder fact is that since Barack Obama was elected President then America might not last another four more years.
~~~
Q. What do Obama and Osama have in common?
A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.
~~~
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break'? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said, 'Obama in '08 .' I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.
~~~
Q. What’s black and blue and dead all over?
A. Anyone who tells an Obama joke.
