Oh, what fresh HELL am I living in?!!?

Allow me to tell you about my GLORIOUS morning. And, I’m using glorious as a synonym for REALLY REALLY ****ed up. :mad:

Well, what got the ball rolling was the fact that my stupid phone died in the middle of the night so I woke up an hour late. :jameo:


I fell asleep on the couch last night so my husband wasn’t aware that I was still SLEEPING. He thought I got up early to make breakfast or something. No. :mad: He comes downstairs alllllll spiffy and ready to start the day. He taps me on the shoulder and in his bright-eyed-and-bushy-tailed voice says, “Are you dead?”

:eyebrow: I look at him and realize he is getting ready to leave and then realize I HAVE TO BE AT WORK IN 15 MINUTES. :jameo:


Yeah, that’s not happening. :ohwell:

I give him the hairy eyeball for not waking me up and haul ass upstairs to get ready as quickly as possible.

I fall down the stairs (and now when I walk, my foot makes this weird grinding noise.) :cds:

I pick myself up off the deck and try the stairs again. SUCCESS – I have made it to the top. :diva:



I shower without incident



I put on makeup and blow-dry my hair without incident. Have enough time to charge my phone a little.




I start putting pantyhose and snag them on my engagement ring while putting them on the second leg :cds:

I grab another pair…. Almost have them fully on, I snag them on my fingernail.

I grab a third pair…. There is already a ****ing run in them from the last time they were worn. :cds:




(I am now sweating from all of the energy it takes to put on pantyhose not to mention the anxiety I am having about being in a rush …x3)




I grab the 4th pair…. OMG they’re SOOOO tight I can barely get them on :jameo: ...but I manage to… but the waist keeps ROLLING DOWN BECAUSE THE’YRE SO TIGHT… I burn 300 calories trying to get them off:jameo: In my struggle, I see the tag…. THESE ARE MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER’S PANTYHOSE (Size A) :cds:



I’m now starting to cry and ruin the makeup I so eloquently put on.


Finally, I get a pair of pantyhose on that fit, have no runs in them, and aren’t the color “SUNTAN.” What a clusterfuck that was. :mad:


I get my damn dress and my red patent leather peep toes on and I am out the door.



This is where the day turns completely sour.


I left my windows open all last night.


I open the car door, and TO MY HORROR, there is A DEAD BAT on the passenger seat. :cds:



Panic sets in and I call my husband, “DEAD BAT!!! DEAD BAT!!! OMG COME HOME.” :jameo:

Husband: “um… I’m not a deadbeat just because I didn’t get you up this morning… relax, darling.”

WR: “Shut the **** up and come get this DEAD BAT out of the rental car!!!” :jameo:

He is silent for about 10 seconds before saying, “I’m sure it’s not a dead bat… It’s probably one of Wyatt’s little creature toys that look real. I can’t come home, I’m meeting with the Admiral in 10 minutes”


WR: :mad: “GOD DAMMIT IT’S A DEAD BAT. The Admiral can WAIT!!”



He hangs up the phone.



I’m hysterical at this point and genuinely consider calling in sick and calling the rental car company to come get their vehicle because it’s got DEAD BAT germs (Probably Rabies) all over it.



But I really have to get to work. I run inside, grab a tea pitcher, Lysol, and the longest spatula I can find.


I said a little prayer for the dead bat as I scooped him up (gagging) and put him in the tea pitcher, put the lid on, and sterilized my car with a half-can of Lysol.



I drive to work without incident.



I get to work and tell my boss what happened to me. He thought I was joking…



I started crying having been traumatized ….



WHY IS MY LIFE SO STRESSFUL!?!? God put that Bat there to mock me. :cds:
 

luvmygdaughters

Well-Known Member
When my daughters were 7 and 8, we lived in a apartment on the top floor. No balcony, no sliding doors. Came home from work one night, after picking the kids up from the sitters. We walk into the living room, turned on the lights and there was this paper looking thing laying on the rug in the living room. The kids had been doing school projects using construction paper, I thought they had left a piece on the floor. I told the youngest daughter to pick it up and throw it away. As she bent down to pick it up, she screamed. The damn thing started flapping its wings and took off. I hurried the girls into their bedroom and shut the door so it couldnt get in. I ran in the kitchen, got my broom and started trying to knock it out. No luck, I got a newspaper rolled it up and was trying hit it, again no luck. The kids were screaming "mommy leave it alone and hide or it will bite you and you will turn into a vampire" I went into the bedroom with the girls and called my sister and brother in law. They came over and we searched all over the apartment but couldnt find the damn bat. The next morning when I leaving for work, there was a dead bat on the sidewalk. Not sure if it was the same one or not, but never had another one while we lived there. To this day, I still cant figure out how he got in.
 
what is this thing called a "tan" of which you speak? some of us go straight from "pasty and gross" to "lobster red and in pain"
:lol: oh... well... :huggy: I get really dark :dance:

When my daughters were 7 and 8, we lived in a apartment on the top floor. No balcony, no sliding doors. Came home from work one night, after picking the kids up from the sitters. We walk into the living room, turned on the lights and there was this paper looking thing laying on the rug in the living room. The kids had been doing school projects using construction paper, I thought they had left a piece on the floor. I told the youngest daughter to pick it up and throw it away. As she bent down to pick it up, she screamed. The damn thing started flapping its wings and took off. I hurried the girls into their bedroom and shut the door so it couldnt get in. I ran in the kitchen, got my broom and started trying to knock it out. No luck, I got a newspaper rolled it up and was trying hit it, again no luck. The kids were screaming "mommy leave it alone and hide or it will bite you and you will turn into a vampire" I went into the bedroom with the girls and called my sister and brother in law. They came over and we searched all over the apartment but couldnt find the damn bat. The next morning when I leaving for work, there was a dead bat on the sidewalk. Not sure if it was the same one or not, but never had another one while we lived there. To this day, I still cant figure out how he got in.
:huggy:
 

lucky_bee

eyes up here, buddy.
Our deck off the kitchen is on the 2nd floor (townhouse) with no stairs to get to the ground but to go back thru the house. Anyways, sometimes I leave the deck door open and the cat and dog like to go hang out on the deck and judge my neighbors. Sometimes my stepson does this too when he gets home from school 🤷

One day I came home and he's babbling about how the cat found a bird. There was no bird on the deck so I didn't think twice about his story. The next morning I get up at 6am to go down to the first floor and workout. I'm on the carpet, stretching and whatnot and I see a couple white feathers around. Hmm...ok. Half way thru the dvd and I have to pee. I almost never use the half bath connected to our den down there, I also almost never workout but that's another story. I flip the light on in the half-bath and there's feathers and blood EVERYWHERE and a ****ing dead bird behind the toilet.

I come screaming up the house, waking everyone up. My stepson sleepily comes out of his room rubbing his eyes, and dead serious, says "so THAT'S where the bird went!"

:shocking: wut.

Not once in his story did he mention my cat actually HAD the bird and the bird ACTUALLY made it into the house but never made it's way back out. He conveniently left those deets out. My guess is the bird probably slammed into the side of our house and fell onto the porch and was a little stunned. My cat was lucky enough to capitalize on the moment because, he would never otherwise, catch a live bird. Perhaps he thought to bring it all the way thru the house to his favorite hide-out spot (yes, the den bathroom) where the bird probably started to come back to it and there was clearly a struggle in the den and inside the bathroom. The cat clearly won and I never use that bathroom anymore.
 

wittykitty

Member
I drive to work without incident.



WR, every time I have a morning like this, I accept the inevitable result that I am simply going to be late, and that the universe is saving me from something even worse on the drive into work.
Thank you for entertaining us all with your batshit catastrophe!
 

luvmygdaughters

Well-Known Member
Our deck off the kitchen is on the 2nd floor (townhouse) with no stairs to get to the ground but to go back thru the house. Anyways, sometimes I leave the deck door open and the cat and dog like to go hang out on the deck and judge my neighbors. Sometimes my stepson does this too when he gets home from school 🤷

One day I came home and he's babbling about how the cat found a bird. There was no bird on the deck so I didn't think twice about his story. The next morning I get up at 6am to go down to the first floor and workout. I'm on the carpet, stretching and whatnot and I see a couple white feathers around. Hmm...ok. Half way thru the dvd and I have to pee. I almost never use the half bath connected to our den down there, I also almost never workout but that's another story. I flip the light on in the half-bath and there's feathers and blood EVERYWHERE and a ****ing dead bird behind the toilet.

I come screaming up the house, waking everyone up. My stepson sleepily comes out of his room rubbing his eyes, and dead serious, says "so THAT'S where the bird went!"

:shocking: wut.

Not once in his story did he mention my cat actually HAD the bird and the bird ACTUALLY made it into the house but never made it's way back out. He conveniently left those deets out. My guess is the bird probably slammed into the side of our house and fell onto the porch and was a little stunned. My cat was lucky enough to capitalize on the moment because, he would never otherwise, catch a live bird. Perhaps he thought to bring it all the way thru the house to his favorite hide-out spot (yes, the den bathroom) where the bird probably started to come back to it and there was clearly a struggle in the den and inside the bathroom. The cat clearly won and I never use that bathroom anymore.
:lmao:
 

Monello

Awww, jeez
PREMO Member
Meeting with the admiral...
The XO wants ....
The CO says ....
The Chief is threatening to ....

Glad I'm a member of the DD214 club at this point in my life. Some parts were more fun than others.
 

PeaceBay

New Member
Once slept w a live bat!
Seriously freaked out, got "bat specialist" in, found bat under bed pillow.
After that & ridding my attic of bats (properly), I got used to them.
Even brought one to elementary school for a day visit. Released in bushes later.

To Remove flying bat
Use a spray bottle w plain water. Sit calmly & spray bat as it flies around. Eventually it will will fall down from water weight. Find it, pick up & place in bushes.

This works with all flying things. Physics.
 
Top