Overdose victim's obituary: compassionate or enabling?

Monello

Awww, jeez
PREMO Member
This story is all too common today. A young person gets hooked on dope and ODs. The family is aware of the struggle and does all it can for the addict. And sometimes the addiction wins.

This grieving family posts an obituary. Then in the end they say for people not to stereotype addicts while stereotyping people who have to deal with addicts and their aftermath.

I'm sure compassion goes a long way in helping someone overcome addiction. I realize that a lot of people who are close to addicts make excuses for them and prevent them from facing the realization of how they are destroying themselves and those around them. To the enablers I say enough is enough. Let the user pay the price and suffer the consequences. Some times this is the compassionate choice. Too much carrot is just as bad as too much stick.

I'd be curious on other's take on this obituary. TIA

[FONT=&quot]Our beloved Madelyn Ellen Linsenmeir died on Sunday, October 7. While her death was unexpected, Madelyn suffered from drug addiction, and for years we feared her addiction would claim her life.

[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]It is impossible to capture a person in an obituary, and especially someone whose adult life was largely defined by drug addiction. To some, Maddie was just a junkie — when they saw her addiction, they stopped seeing [/FONT]her. And what a loss for them.

[FONT=&quot]Maddie loved her family and the world. But more than anyone else, she loved her son, Ayden, who was born in 2014. She transformed her life to mother him.
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]After having Ayden, Maddie tried harder and more relentlessly to stay sober than we have ever seen anyone try at anything. But she relapsed and ultimately lost custody of her son, a loss that was unbearable.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]During the past two years especially, her disease brought her to places of incredible darkness, and this darkness compounded on itself, as each unspeakable thing that happened to her and each horrible thing she did in the name of her disease exponentially increased her pain and shame.
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]If you are reading this with judgment, educate yourself about this disease, because that is what it is. It is not a choice or a weakness. And chances are very good that someone you know is struggling with it, and that person needs and deserves your empathy and support.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]If you work in one of the many institutions through which addicts often pass — rehabs, hospitals, jails, courts — and treat them with the compassion and respect they deserve, thank you. If instead you see a junkie or thief or liar in front of you rather than a human being in need of help, consider a new profession.[/FONT]
the full obit
 

black dog

Free America
PREMO Member
I still have an issue with the disease definition of addiction.
Its a Disease because then it pays. And it pays big now days..

Another drug addict dead and off The Government Plantation. Hopefully her child is in a good place and has a chance at a normal life.
 
Its a Disease because then it pays. And it pays big now days..
:yeahthat: :gossip: is a director of billing for a rehab clinic and weekly deposits often times exceed the 100k mark. There is no way in hell those making money hand over fist off these addicts want "the war on drugs" to be won in any way shape or form.
 

black dog

Free America
PREMO Member
:yeahthat: :gossip: is a director of billing for a rehab clinic and weekly deposits often times exceed the 100k mark. There is no way in hell those making money hand over fist off these addicts want "the war on drugs" to be won in any way shape or form.
Its perverse what is being made off those with drug and alcohol addictions and mental health issues that the taxpayer is being billed for.
I'm ####ing sick to death of paying for others to get by in life on the taxpayers nut.
 

Monello

Awww, jeez
PREMO Member
Its a Disease because then it pays. And it pays big now days..
I never considered that angle. I think you are on to something.

Years ago I had some bone chips in my elbow. I went to an ortho guy. He gave me an elbow pad. I hardly ever used it. Then I saw the bill. My insurance was charge $60 for something I could have bought in a sporting goods store similar to Dicks for around $10. And the $10 pad was better quality.
 

Hannibal

Member
I never considered that angle. I think you are on to something.

Years ago I had some bone chips in my elbow. I went to an ortho guy. He gave me an elbow pad. I hardly ever used it. Then I saw the bill. My insurance was charge $60 for something I could have bought in a sporting goods store similar to Dicks for around $10. And the $10 pad was better quality.
As with virtually any condition - the $$$ is in the treatment vs. the cure. I am nearly convinced that cancer could be largely cured if the treatment wasn't so damn lucrative for those in charge of it. An easy example is Type 1 / juvenile diabetes. They've been work on a cure for decades (and do have breakthroughs often) but when insulin costs the end user up to $500/vial vs. what costs less than a $1 to make ...... do the math. It's a product that a lot of people need to survive. Easy income.

I think I just read a story about SC (maybe) presenting legislature about price gouging on insulin. Keep in mind, you can buy insulin in Canada for $20/vial - some over the counter. People in the US, who need it to live, have to obtain constantly updated prescriptions and then pay close to $500 for it.

Money is in the treatment .....
 

luvmygdaughters

Well-Known Member
PREMO Member
While I am sorry for that family's loss, I dont agree with the "disease" thing. I've had people tell me "you just dont know how hard it is to quit using", they're right, I dont know. You know why I dont know? Because I chose not to use drugs. I know some are prescribed pain killers and have a hard time when they can not obtain a prescription for it, however, I honestly think those types of people have that personality trait. Addition to drugs, in most cases, can be simply avoided by doing one thing, and I quote Nancy Reagan "Just say No"!
 

Monello

Awww, jeez
PREMO Member
I honestly think those types of people have that personality trait. Addition to drugs, in most cases, can be simply avoided by doing one thing, and I quote Nancy Reagan "Just say No"!
This is sort of why I started this thread. I admit I don't understand addiction. If I have an addiction it's to either food, travel or fishing. But they don't seem to cause me any issues. My initial thought is to just not get involved in that stuff. It's not like the heroin waited in a dark alley and then sprang upon the victim at random. The other part makes me feel somehow that I lack some empathy for not feeling sorry for something bad that happened to someone of their own doing.
 
What good is "just say no" if Chinese Fentanyl is secreted into ordinary food and drink of unsuspecting consumers who are not addicts? 2 grains can kill. Anyone could become a victim. Prove me wrong... please!
 

gary_webb

Damned glad to meet you
I'd be curious on other's take on this obituary. TIA
My take on the obituary, not addiction

The obit is subjective and based on memory of who/what she was, instead of objective and based on evidence of who/what she came to be.

I can't condemn anyone for that. When you're gone, memories are all that's left. I would accentuate the positive myself.
 

Monello

Awww, jeez
PREMO Member
What good is "just say no" if Chinese Fentanyl is secreted into ordinary food and drink of unsuspecting consumers who are not addicts? 2 grains can kill. Anyone could become a victim. Prove me wrong... please!
The article said the OD victim was an addict pretty much her entire adult life. Someone getting poisoned by eating laced food wouldn't be considered an addict. I'd call them unlucky victim.

Apples & oranges.
 

Monello

Awww, jeez
PREMO Member
My take on the obituary, not addiction

The obit is subjective and based on memory of who/what she was, instead of objective and based on evidence of who/what she came to be.

I can't condemn anyone for that. When you're gone, memories are all that's left. I would accentuate the positive myself.
I took the last part of the obit as a poke at people in the system who have to deal with drug addicts on a daily basis. Especially the enforcement people. They get told stories, lied to on a daily basis by these people. I imagine after a while they become jaded and treat druggies as a lowest common denominator. But the parent has a lifetime with the dead person and remembers all their sweet and innocent moments, while the other groups never saw that person in any light other than their worst.
 

gary_webb

Damned glad to meet you
I took the last part of the obit as a poke at people in the system who have to deal with drug addicts on a daily basis. Especially the enforcement people. They get told stories, lied to on a daily basis by these people. I imagine after a while they become jaded and treat druggies as a lowest common denominator. But the parent has a lifetime with the dead person and remembers all their sweet and innocent moments, while the other groups never saw that person in any light other than their worst.
That is exactly what I was trying to convey, subjective vs. objective.

They, the family, see the addict as what their memory allows vs. seeing them as what they have become, without conflicting memories, or conflicting emotions.
 
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glhs837

Power with Control
What good is "just say no" if Chinese Fentanyl is secreted into ordinary food and drink of unsuspecting consumers who are not addicts? 2 grains can kill. Anyone could become a victim. Prove me wrong... please!


Yeeah, that's murder, not overdose. How many cases like that are there a year? I cant recall any, but I might have missed them.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Our beloved Madelyn Ellen Linsenmeir died on Sunday, October 7. While her death was unexpected, Madelyn suffered from drug addiction, and for years we feared her addiction would claim her life.

It is impossible to capture a person in an obituary, and especially someone whose adult life was largely defined by drug addiction. To some, Maddie was just a junkie — when they saw her addiction, they stopped seeing her. And what a loss for them.

Maddie loved her family and the world. But more than anyone else, she loved her son, Ayden, who was born in 2014. She transformed her life to mother him.
After having Ayden, Maddie tried harder and more relentlessly to stay sober than we have ever seen anyone try at anything. But she relapsed and ultimately lost custody of her son, a loss that was unbearable.
During the past two years especially, her disease brought her to places of incredible darkness, and this darkness compounded on itself, as each unspeakable thing that happened to her and each horrible thing she did in the name of her disease exponentially increased her pain and shame.
If you are reading this with judgment, educate yourself about this disease, because that is what it is. It is not a choice or a weakness. And chances are very good that someone you know is struggling with it, and that person needs and deserves your empathy and support.
If you work in one of the many institutions through which addicts often pass — rehabs, hospitals, jails, courts — and treat them with the compassion and respect they deserve, thank you. If instead you see a junkie or thief or liar in front of you rather than a human being in need of help, consider a new profession.
A couple of things:

So was her death unexpected, or was she a drug addict and you always feared it would claim her life? Because it can't be both.

Did she love her son Ayden and transform her life for him, or did she continue to use drugs to the point that she lost custody of him, and therefore loved being high more than she loved her son?

That said, I'm going to go with "enabling". "Mah boah a goot boah, he dint do nuffin!" Like that. I think the family feels some guilt and shame, and are being defensive and in denial. They want to blame people who disassociated from Maddie when they learned of her addiction problems, but you can't hardly blame anyone for not wanting to place themselves in that orbit, especially since the family flat out admits that she was a train wreck. "Oh, but she was so funny....when she wasn't breaking into your house and stealing your stuff to support her drug habit."

Addiction IS a choice. You make it when you pick up that first needle or rock or pipe.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
They, the family, see the addict as what their memory allows vs. seeing them as what they have become, without conflicting memories, or conflicting emotions.
Agree, but they could have just done a simple obit. Instead, they went off on a defensive virtual-signaling finger-pointing rant.
 

MiddleGround

Well-Known Member
I still have an issue with the disease definition of addiction.
I do not. What I do have an issue with is the fact that people seem to always compare it to the disease of Cancer.

A more accurate and proportional comparison is to a venerial disease. Sure... it is a disease alright BUT, unlike Cancer... THEY CHOSE TO TAKE THE RISK TO GET THAT DISEASE!!
 
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