It’s happened again! Yesterday, the Canadian Broadcast Company ran an all-too-familiar story headlined, “Montreal Mayor Valerie Plante collapses during press conference.” On live TV, we might add.
Paging Tiffany Dover!
For a good 15 minutes, perky Mayor Valerie Plante was waxing rhapsodic on Canadian television about homelessness and all her other eco-friendly, 100%-diverse, virtuous nonsense, when all of a sudden, she abruptly and uncharacteristically shut up for a second. In total silence, she looked around in panic, slowly opening and closing her mouth like a dying goldfish until she abruptly gasped, “oh no. I feel unwell" (in French), then — in front of rows of cameras and a room packed full of stunned reporters, nobody moving or saying a thing — she slowly sagged and then dramatically sank to the floor, ending up seated and slumped over.
An emergency medical team quickly treated the Mayor, who did not go to the hospital. They want us to know that. Instead, Mayor Plante plans to plant herself in front of a few Netflix binge sessions, taking it easy for a few days to recover from her condition, which her office optimistically labeled as “overwork” leading to a sudden and unexpected “dizzy spell.”
That is, Mayor Plante is a victim only of accomplishment. She’s been giving so much of herself to the citizens of Montreal that she’s started forgetting to take care of her own body. Or words to that effect.
They did not specify why the Mayor is so overworked lately, or even why hard work makes Mayor Plante dizzy. I can’t imagine a man saying that; is dizziness after hard work a female thing? Oh well, the reason for her overwork is probably totally unimportant, or it’s President Trump’s fault. Something like that. The important thing is: she’s okay.
Or, if she’s not okay, her next move will be to check herself in for a few restful months at the John F. Fetterman Institute For Politicians Who Are Totally Fine, Just Believe Us.
It is kind of weird they picked a dizzy spell. Mayor Plante always seems dizzy. And, in case you were wondering, yes, she is fully vaccinated, which is her own private business, how dare you even ask at a time like this, well, except that she had about twenty captive reporters there snapping pictures whenever the Mayor privately got her shots:
That’s not all! Here’s another one. She seems to really like the flexed-bicep pose. A strong woman.
And, just look how happy she is! You can’t buy that kind of happiness. It only comes from a needle.
She’s a big fan of the jabs. Back in the day, Mayor Plante also coerced every city employee in Montreal; get the shots or get packing:
CLIP: Dizzy Mayor Plante plants herself on the press room floor (0:29).
And, just for “additional context:” CLIP: One minute of on-camera collapses ‘sponsored by Pfizer’ (1:00).
Don’t go starting rumors that people collapsing on live TV is any kind of sign of anything. Misinformation kills. So, repeat this to yourself until you believe it: everything’s totally normal. Or you can just skip that part if, like me, it’s too late now and you are already a lost cause. Whee! Give me more misinformation!
☕️ PRIVACY PLEASE ☙ Wednesday, December 6, 2023 ☙ C&C NEWS 🦠
Montreal Mayor's mysterious, live, on-screen collapse; New Zealand's data crackdown; Slovakia gives WHO the bird; Biden flubs green energy program (again); the pandemic exodus continues; and more.
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