Pearly Gate Story

[Yooper]

Saint Peter is watching all of the new arrivals trying to go through the pearly gates in Heaven. The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one. “I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th-floor apartment and found the guy clinging to the rail by his fingertips. I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes. When I saw that he was still alive I found super human strength and dragged our antique cedar chest to the balcony and threw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died.” Saint Peter thanked him for his story and sent him on to the waiting room.

The second applicant said that his last day was his worst. “I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment and I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th-floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell and hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge cedar chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest.” Saint Peter couldn’t help but chuckle as he directs the man to the waiting room.

Saint Peter is still chuckling when his third customer of the day enters. He apologizes and says “I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the two fellows that arrived here just before you.” “I don’t know,” replies the man. “Picture this, I’m naked, hiding in this cedar chest…”

--- End of line (MCP)

 

[Yooper]

And now one from the other place.... Hits close to home, I might add.

A Texan, A Floridian, and an Michigander all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.

The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

The Texan asks to call Dallas and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished, the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so the Texan writes him a check.

Next the Floridian calls Miami and talks for 30 minutes. When he is finished, the devil informs him that the cost is 6 million dollars, so he writes him a check.

Finally the Michigander gets his turn he calls Lansing and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished, the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00. When the Texan hears this, he goes ballistic and asks the devil why the Michigander got to call Lansing so cheaply.

The devil smiles and replies, “Since Gretchen Whitmer took over, the state has gone to hell, so it’s a local call.”

--- End of line (MCP)