Pentagon Leaker Kicking Himself For Not Just Leaving Classified Documents Strewn Around His Garage

[Kyle]

DIGHTON, MA — Military police have arrested Jack Teixeira for allegedly leaking classified documents that contained information on the war in Ukraine. Teixeira, an Air National Guardsman, is currently kicking himself for not just leaving documents strewn around an unlocked garage as the President did.

"Ugh! I'm so stupid! Why didn't I just print them out and leave them in a garage, or a vacation home, or the trunk of a Corvette?" said the distraught Teixeira while being hauled away. "What on earth was I thinking?"

Pentagon Leaker Kicking Himself For Not Just Leaving Classified Documents Strewn Around His Garage

DIGHTON, MA — Military police have arrested Jack Teixeira for allegedly leaking classified documents that contained information on the war in Ukraine. Teixeira, an Air National Guardsman, is currently kicking himself for not just leaving documents strewn around an unlocked garage as the...

babylonbee.com

 

[CPUSA]

He should plead not guilty, then make the claim that he got them at a garage sale in Delaware from a good ol black Jewish guy from Scranton...

 

[Tech]

He should plead not guilty, then make the claim that he got them at a garage sale in Delaware from a good ol black Jewish guy from Scranton...

Raised Puerto Rican

 

[Monello]

Or he could have run for 1 of the New York senate seats. They seem to have immunity from prosecution for mishandling classified info.

 

[stgislander]

Or he could have run for 1 of the New York senate seats. They seem to have immunity from prosecution for mishandling classified info.

Right now, somewhere south of Park Hall, a head is exploding. To appear at any moment claiming HRC was cleared of all wrongdoing.