Please help me convince a friend...

nachomama

All Up In Your Grill
Hello there! :howdy:

Please help me convince a friend she needs to dump her scumbag boyfriend.

She's been dating this guy for about 4 years or so. He was unemployed for about half of this time. He finally got a halfway decent job working nights. During the time he was unemployed and working a minimum wage job, she was the sole supporter of their household. He didn't pay any household bills (they were living together).

Anyway, he got a decent job and started paying utilities. She was still carrying the rest of the bills (mortgage, food, cars, etc.). He always said he could never give her any extra cash but he always found money to do what he wanted to do. A couple times the electric was about to get turned off and the satellite was actually turned off. She had to pay to get them up to date. A couple months ago she had decided she had had enough and kicked him out. He got his own place and is finally paying his own bills. She is still talking to him, and still giving him money, hoping they can reconcile. In my mind, he's a POS but she's my best friend and she loves him so I gotta tell her my feelings but support her at the same time.

Anyway, last week was Mother's Day. He took his mom, her and her mom to dinner. He told her that he had a $900 boat bill to pay to get his boat fixed so he was going to need her help with dinner. She paid for her and her mom; he paid for him and his mom.

The other night, he got off work early. Instead of coming to see her, he decided to go to a local bar and hang out with some of his female "friends". She insists there's nothing going on there, but he has a night off from his job and instead of going to see her, he goes out to a bar.

She has bailed this guy out so many fricken times that it blows my mind. I'm trying to tell her that on top of everything else - sticking her with all the bills, doing what he wanted while she works two jobs to pay the bills, he buys what he wants when he wants, and instead of paying her money back that he's "borrowed" from her, he gets his boat fixed and then tells her she needs to pay for her own Mother's Day meal. The bar story was enough to make me lose it. I wanted to call this ahole up and tell him to go eff himself.

What say you? Should she dump this jerk or keep on taking his crap in hopes he will "get it" one day?

Help me to convince her that she's got to get rid of the crap. He's only holding her back and I need for her to see what other people think - without going too into detail about their personal life (which is a literal soap opera). I would post this on facebook but a lot of my friends would know exactly who I'm talking about. :lol:
 
Hi there stranger :howdy:


Of course she should dump him but unfortunately there's really nothing you can do or say that will make her. I mean, he's already doing and basically saying it himself and she's still taking his crap. It's sad really. Maybe you can try to find her an actual decent man to distract her from that POS :shrug:
 

nachomama

All Up In Your Grill
Hi there stranger :howdy:


Of course she should dump him but unfortunately there's really nothing you can do or say that will make her. I mean, he's already doing and basically saying it himself and she's still taking his crap. It's sad really. Maybe you can try to find her an actual decent man to distract her from that POS :shrug:

:lol: Believe me I've tried!
 

slotpuppy

Ass-hole
Hi there stranger :howdy:


Of course she should dump him but unfortunately there's really nothing you can do or say that will make her. I mean, he's already doing and basically saying it himself and she's still taking his crap. It's sad really. Maybe you can try to find her an actual decent man to distract her from that POS :shrug:

:yeahthat: You can only kick her in the ass so many times.
 

Chasey_Lane

Salt Life
You can't convince someone to end a relationship. Instead, let them be and don't ask or get involved in the drama. :peace:
 
:lol: Believe me I've tried!

Then all you can really do it sit back and let her continue to get dicked around. I know it's hard to do, one of my friends is in the same boat. Ugh, I just don't get it! :banghead:

Maybe she can't do any better.

Oh dayumm

You can't convince someone to end a relationship. Instead, let them be and don't ask or get involved in the drama. :peace:

Yup, it could end up destroying your friendship.
 

nachomama

All Up In Your Grill
Maybe she can't do any better.

OMG she can! She's got a lot going for her! She's pretty, she's got a great job, her own place, her own car, takes care of herself, he was breaking her financially and he's verbally abusive to her. He's a drunk, he's an overall POS. I really think her self esteem is so low that she doesn't think she can do better OR she thinks she can "save" him. :shrug:

I don't get it. He can't stand me and I can't stand him. She really has no one else she can confide in but me, but the more she tells me the more I despise him. I'm sure he has no idea she's told me half of what she's told me. She'll say she's had enough but he somehow swindles himself back into the picture. I guarantee if she could get him to marry her she would do it tomorrow. At least she hasn't let him move back in yet. YET.

I don't know. Maybe it's the sex. :lol:
 

Foxhound

Finishing last
If she loves him the way he is, then that's her choice. If she thinks he's going to change, that's a mistake. If he loves her enough to change, he would already be changing.

Don't believe he can't change, we all do. Change is part of life. But don't expect him to change the way you want him to.

Next thing worry about your own life and let your friend be in charge of her own. Give her your 2 cents, and move on. She will do with your advice what she sees fit. Don't be a nanny. If you don't like him, don't hang around when he's there.

Besides, maybe he cooks a mean Italian sausage!
 

Radiant1

Soul Probe
She is choosing, for whatever reason, to allow this to happen. I don't think anything you say will make a difference, nacho; however, if she had a decent man pay her some attention then she might just actually see for herself that she can do better. It's likely she's afraid of being alone. You may want to be careful how far you push it or she will find herself, real or imagined, in a position to choose between him and you.

Besides, maybe he cooks a mean Italian sausage!

Or has one. :jet:
 
If electric is about to be turned off and she is still paying for a satellite bill, she doesn't understand priorities. If she didn't bail this idiot out, it wouldn't be an issue.

If she hasn't figured it out by now, she probably never will and trying to convince her other wise will just reenforce her wanting to stay with him.
 

Hank

my war
OMG she can! She's got a lot going for her! She's pretty, she's got a great job, her own place, her own car, takes care of herself

Send her Hank's way! :dye:


Does she have a titanium leg?
Zombie back tattoo?
Does she rock Southern Maryland and the World?
 

SG_Player1974

New Member
OMG she can! She's got a lot going for her! She's pretty, she's got a great job, her own place, her own car, takes care of herself...

I find that in most instances... these types of people have NO problems "finding others that are interested."

Either you are not mentioning something OR your friend has some kind of head issue.

Takes care of herself... HOW?
 

BadGirl

I am so very blessed
Do NOT let her talk to you about him, Nacho. If she confides in you, she is unleashing her burden onto you, thereby relinquishing that responsibility from herself. If you tell her, point blank, that you never want to hear his name again, or hear about whatever he might be doing right now, that will mean that she will need to carry that burden alone. When that burden becomes too much for her, *that* is when she will have "had enough" and walk away from him. This probably doesn't make much sense, but it sounds really good in my head.
 
C

czygvtwkr

Guest
Some people just seem to want to be treated this way.

With the male/female imbalance that there is in southern Maryland she has nobody to blame but herself for not being with a decent guy.
 

nachomama

All Up In Your Grill
If electric is about to be turned off and she is still paying for a satellite bill, she doesn't understand priorities. If she didn't bail this idiot out, it wouldn't be an issue.

If she hasn't figured it out by now, she probably never will and trying to convince her other wise will just reenforce her wanting to stay with him.

These instances have happened at different times over a period of about 18 months.

Send her Hank's way! :dye:

Dayum! I should have already thought of that! :love:

I find that in most instances... these types of people have NO problems "finding others that are interested."

Either you are not mentioning something OR your friend has some kind of head issue.

Takes care of herself... HOW?

She pays her own bills, she's got a great personality, I'd do her :shrug: loves to have fun but won't sacrifice her job, responsibilities etc for it. I just wish she would dump this dirtbag. She's so much better off without him.

Do NOT let her talk to you about him, Nacho. If she confides in you, she is unleashing her burden onto you, thereby relinquishing that responsibility from herself. If you tell her, point blank, that you never want to hear his name again, or hear about whatever he might be doing right now, that will mean that she will need to carry that burden alone. When that burden becomes too much for her, *that* is when she will have "had enough" and walk away from him. This probably doesn't make much sense, but it sounds really good in my head.

Great idea BG! Tough love - I like it!
 
Top