P
PelyKat
Guest
PONDERISMS
**
I used to eat a lot of natural foods,
until I learned that most
people die of natural causes.
**
Gardening Rule:
When weeding, the best way to make
sure you are removing a weed
and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.
If it comes out of the ground easily,
it is a valuable plant.
**
The easiest way to find something
lost around the house is to buy
a replacement.
**
Never take life seriously;
nobody gets out alive anyway.
**
There are two kinds of pedestrians:
the quick and the dead.
**
Life is sexually transmitted.
**
Health is merely the slowest
possible rate at which one
can die.
**
The only difference between
a rut and a grave
is the depth.
**
Some people are like Slinkies.
Not really good for anything,
but you still can't help but smile
when you see one tumble down the stairs.
**
Health nuts are going to feel
stupid someday, lying in
hospitals dying of nothing.
**
Have you noticed since everyone
has a camcorder these days no one
talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
**
Whenever I feel blue,
I start breathing again.
**
All of us could
take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention
to criticism.
**
In the 60's, people took acid
to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and
people take Prozac to make it
normal.
**
How is it one careless match
can start a forest fire,
but it takes a whole box
to start a campfire?
**
Who was the first person
to look at a cow and say,
"I think I'll squeeze these
dangly thingies here, and
drink whatever comes out?:
**
Who was the first person
to say, "See that chicken
over there? I'm gonna eat
the next thing that comes
outta its butt.
**
Why is there a light in the
fridge and not in the freezer?
**
If Jimmy cracks corn
and no one cares,
why is there a song about him?
**
Why do people point to their
wrist when asking for the time,
but don't point to their crotch
when they ask where the bathroom is?
**
Why does your OB-GYN
leave the room when
you get undressed if they
are going to look up
there anyway?
**
If quizzes are quizzical,
what are tests?
**
If electricity comes
from electrons,
does morality come
from morons?
**
Do illiterate people get
the full effect
of Alphabet Soup?
**
I used to eat a lot of natural foods,
until I learned that most
people die of natural causes.
**
Gardening Rule:
When weeding, the best way to make
sure you are removing a weed
and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.
If it comes out of the ground easily,
it is a valuable plant.
**
The easiest way to find something
lost around the house is to buy
a replacement.
**
Never take life seriously;
nobody gets out alive anyway.
**
There are two kinds of pedestrians:
the quick and the dead.
**
Life is sexually transmitted.
**
Health is merely the slowest
possible rate at which one
can die.
**
The only difference between
a rut and a grave
is the depth.
**
Some people are like Slinkies.
Not really good for anything,
but you still can't help but smile
when you see one tumble down the stairs.
**
Health nuts are going to feel
stupid someday, lying in
hospitals dying of nothing.
**
Have you noticed since everyone
has a camcorder these days no one
talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
**
Whenever I feel blue,
I start breathing again.
**
All of us could
take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention
to criticism.
**
In the 60's, people took acid
to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and
people take Prozac to make it
normal.
**
How is it one careless match
can start a forest fire,
but it takes a whole box
to start a campfire?
**
Who was the first person
to look at a cow and say,
"I think I'll squeeze these
dangly thingies here, and
drink whatever comes out?:
**
Who was the first person
to say, "See that chicken
over there? I'm gonna eat
the next thing that comes
outta its butt.
**
Why is there a light in the
fridge and not in the freezer?
**
If Jimmy cracks corn
and no one cares,
why is there a song about him?
**
Why do people point to their
wrist when asking for the time,
but don't point to their crotch
when they ask where the bathroom is?
**
Why does your OB-GYN
leave the room when
you get undressed if they
are going to look up
there anyway?
**
If quizzes are quizzical,
what are tests?
**
If electricity comes
from electrons,
does morality come
from morons?
**
Do illiterate people get
the full effect
of Alphabet Soup?