Potty Training Woes

[prettyinpink23]

Ok, here's the deal... My son is a ripe 3 and a half. Up until last November he was in daycare where he was being encouraged to go potty, and was being reinforced at home. We tried pulls ups, but that just succeeded in having him be more adamant about not getting on the potty. So nix that idea. I was staying at home with him about Mid- Novemeber, and started potty training with more fervor, and had success about Mid- December!! Not only was he going on the potty, but he was asking to use the potty, and would even go by himself. And it wasn't a deal for him to go #1 or #2, he was comfortable. All of this was accomplished with postive reinforcement, guided pottying and a routine.

At some point it fell apart. Went right down the toilet, or didn't as the issue may be. He stopped asking, stopped going on his own, and was prone to accidents. We treated the accidents with mild talks about how big boys go on the potty, and a session of potty sitting to remind him of where he was supposed to be going. We kept up with the encouragement, and the routine. Alas to no avail. He is back in diapers now, and I don't want to try pull ups again, not only are they costly but they didn't make a difference in the first place. Atleast not the difference that we wanted.

I'm at a loss as to where to start with him again. I've begun the whole process over but he balks so hard at the idea of pottying that it's gotten to the point of sobbing and bawling if I even so much as suggest the bathroom and his name in the same sentence.

In the time frame that he was potty trained there were no major life changes, nothing we can think of that would have set him back this way.

Anyone have any suggestions? We've tried pull-ups, underwear, cheerios and all the encouragement and positive reinforcement that we can think of. Is there something we missed, or am I doomed to have a son in diapers for his 4 year birthday party in September?? His pediatrician is not concerned, she says that it happens and that it's something we'll have to work through with him but she didn't have any real suggestions. I thought I'd be better off asking the expert panel of parents here at SOMD.com's forums.

 

[FromTexas]

Ok, here's the deal... My son is a ripe 3 and a half. Up until last November he was in daycare where he was being encouraged to go potty, and was being reinforced at home. We tried pulls ups, but that just succeeded in having him be more adamant about not getting on the potty. So nix that idea. I was staying at home with him about Mid- Novemeber, and started potty training with more fervor, and had success about Mid- December!! Not only was he going on the potty, but he was asking to use the potty, and would even go by himself. And it wasn't a deal for him to go #1 or #2, he was comfortable. All of this was accomplished with postive reinforcement, guided pottying and a routine.

At some point it fell apart. Went right down the toilet, or didn't as the issue may be. He stopped asking, stopped going on his own, and was prone to accidents. We treated the accidents with mild talks about how big boys go on the potty, and a session of potty sitting to remind him of where he was supposed to be going. We kept up with the encouragement, and the routine. Alas to no avail. He is back in diapers now, and I don't want to try pull ups again, not only are they costly but they didn't make a difference in the first place. Atleast not the difference that we wanted.

I'm at a loss as to where to start with him again. I've begun the whole process over but he balks so hard at the idea of pottying that it's gotten to the point of sobbing and bawling if I even so much as suggest the bathroom and his name in the same sentence.

In the time frame that he was potty trained there were no major life changes, nothing we can think of that would have set him back this way.

Anyone have any suggestions? We've tried pull-ups, underwear, cheerios and all the encouragement and positive reinforcement that we can think of. Is there something we missed, or am I doomed to have a son in diapers for his 4 year birthday party in September?? His pediatrician is not concerned, she says that it happens and that it's something we'll have to work through with him but she didn't have any real suggestions. I thought I'd be better off asking the expert panel of parents here at SOMD.com's forums.

Don't use diapers. Put him in underwear. Yes, you have to deal with more, but it takes away the issue of him backsliding. As long as the diaper is there, he feels thats a choice.

It might seem a bit harsh, but when he has an accident don't rush to get him cleaned up first. Have the child help clean up the area then get them cleaned up, even if the child only barely wipes the area with a paper towel. Diapers are meant to stay a bit comfortable even when dirty, underwear isn't. The discomfort factor and having to accept being part of the clean-up will diminish the desire to avoid the potty.

Also, don't ever yell about it or get a stern voice when it happens. Potty training is a control issue most times, and if you demonstrate authoritarian rule over it, it will likely just result in the child fighting for more control (i.e. controlling where he is going to go potty).

Then, if that doesn't work, refer to my solution in the "I am not going to school thread".

 

[vraiblonde]

Don't use diapers. Put him in underwear. Yes, you have to deal with more, but it takes away the issue of him backsliding. As long as the diaper is there, he feels thats a choice.

My son was a young potty trainer, by today's standards. He still wore a night diaper when he was 2 1/2, but then he'd get up in the morning and take it off and smear it all over the place. The last time he did it, he got it on the stuffed monkey that was his lovie, so I threw it away. He cried and cried and I just told him, "You killed Ralphie. He's gone now." And that was the end of the poop smearing. He's been completely potty trained ever since, except for that one time in Korea last year.

 

[pineapple]

Ok, here's the deal... My son is a ripe 3 and a half. Up until last November he was in daycare where he was being encouraged to go potty, and was being reinforced at home. We tried pulls ups, but that just succeeded in having him be more adamant about not getting on the potty. So nix that idea. I was staying at home with him about Mid- Novemeber, and started potty training with more fervor, and had success about Mid- December!! Not only was he going on the potty, but he was asking to use the potty, and would even go by himself. And it wasn't a deal for him to go #1 or #2, he was comfortable. All of this was accomplished with postive reinforcement, guided pottying and a routine.

At some point it fell apart. Went right down the toilet, or didn't as the issue may be. He stopped asking, stopped going on his own, and was prone to accidents. We treated the accidents with mild talks about how big boys go on the potty, and a session of potty sitting to remind him of where he was supposed to be going. We kept up with the encouragement, and the routine. Alas to no avail. He is back in diapers now, and I don't want to try pull ups again, not only are they costly but they didn't make a difference in the first place. Atleast not the difference that we wanted.

I'm at a loss as to where to start with him again. I've begun the whole process over but he balks so hard at the idea of pottying that it's gotten to the point of sobbing and bawling if I even so much as suggest the bathroom and his name in the same sentence.

In the time frame that he was potty trained there were no major life changes, nothing we can think of that would have set him back this way.

Anyone have any suggestions? We've tried pull-ups, underwear, cheerios and all the encouragement and positive reinforcement that we can think of. Is there something we missed, or am I doomed to have a son in diapers for his 4 year birthday party in September?? His pediatrician is not concerned, she says that it happens and that it's something we'll have to work through with him but she didn't have any real suggestions. I thought I'd be better off asking the expert panel of parents here at SOMD.com's forums.

When my brother was little my mom would put a clear jar of his favorite candy in the bathroom,and he could only have some IF he used the potty.

 

[hereforgood]

We treated the accidents with mild talks about how big boys go on the potty, and a session of potty sitting to remind him of where he was supposed to be going.

maybe sessions of potty sitting pissed him off.

 

[Bustem' Down]

I've heard of putting a Fruit Loop in the toliet to give him something to aim at. Us guys love having something to shoot for.

 

[Calvert newbie]

My daughter fought me on potty training she refused to go she had to have her pull ups.then i read a story in a parents mag and they made a prize box
just a box with little gifts in it <crayons,stickers,change,dollar store toys> it worked like a charm for me wasnt long she she forgot about getting a prize

 

[Kizzy]

My 1st son was a PITA to potty train, but I stand firmly in the underwear opinion. I think that pull ups are just expensive diapers, and they don’t aid in potty training at all. My 2nd son was a breeze. One day, we put underwear on and never once has he had an accident. He wasn’t even 2 when he was completely potty trained. My oldest is 9 and I finally think he is potty trained. Seriously, my oldest was a bed wetter until he was 7, and he had numerous potty accidents during the day until he was 4-5 years old.

 

[snuzzy]

The idea is to make not going to the potty as undesireable as possible, to instill the self-motivation to train (takes the power-struggle out of it). Try the old-fasioned training underwear (did this with my son when he was 3 and still not fully trained, and advised several parents to try this when I was in the daycare "field", not sure if you can still find them...), they're thickly padded and you can put plastic pants over top to prevent a mess around your home when mistakes happen, but the padding allows your son to feel the mess (uncomfortable) and the thickness of the underwear with the uncomfortable (and noisy) plastic over top will make him eager to "graduate"! Good luck!

 

[Tigerlily]

I agree that pull ups are the same as diapers. When my daughter was 3 I took her each week to pick out a new package of underwear of her choice $4.00 per week. I never will forget the look on my boss's husbands face when my baby girl said " I'm going shopping for nunderwear." when he asked what we were doing that day. In a matter of a few weeks she was completely trained.

My son who is just a year younger was much more difficult and honestly my daycare provider is the one to be credited with getting him trained. He had no desire at all to get out of diapers. She was firm with him and we worked together and in a month or so he was trained. I remember feeling so bad because he would cry and cry. To this day he is five and a half he sits o take care of all his business. He will not stand. I guess that will come in due time kind of like a male dog that has to learn to lift his leg.

Dont stress about it too much and at this point with all the upheaval at home it is probably best not to force the issue. With you and the father having split it is likely that your son will regress a bit over the next few weeks.

 

[Kain99]

Make potty trining fun! Make a big huge deal out of it when he goes in the potty! Lot's of praise! Another great idea is to have him watch Daddy. He's naturally going to want to be just like him.

 

[FromTexas]

Make potty trining fun! Make a big huge deal out of it when he goes in the potty! Lot's of praise! Another great idea is to have him watch Daddy. He's naturally going to want to be just like him.

You are assuming there is a daddy... that is not a safe assumption in SMD.

 

[prettyinpink23]

Thanks for all of the advice. I think I still would be able to find the plastic covers that someone mentioned, and then we could go about putting him in underwear and having him understand just what a mess it makes, and how difficult it is to clean it up... and then the other side of it, where he goes potty and it's great, and everyone is happy, and he gets his favorite candy or a prize for doing so.

He's been watching everyone, men and women in our respective families, go to the bathroom since he was able to understand that they were doing something that he doesn't. Alas, it doesn't seem to motivate him any. That may have also had something to do with the fact that his Dad wasn't instrumental in helping me. It was something I was to take care of. Maybe that's a contributor to the issue.

I know somethings are going to back slide with the upheaval, and I'm sure this will probably be one of them. Not that it can backslide too much at this point. I just hope it will all work out.

Again, thanks for the advice, I do believe we shall start tomorrow.

 

[Nickel]

I know everyone's said it, but really, the best thing is to just put them in underwear, and don't turn back. If he pees in his pants, don't jump to change his clothes. Do the dishes or something first. He'll remember what it felt like to be wet, and try his hardest not to do it again. But don't yell at him for peeing in his pants, just explain that it was an accident. :shrug:

 

[nawty1]

All great advice! I am for the underwear too! You have a double whammy with the move. When my oldest was 3 he was 95% potty trained, then we moved from New Jersey back to Maryland and had to start from scratch, so with the changes going on with your family right now you might need alot of patience. I did the character underwear so he looked forward to wearing them and that helped. The best part was trying to explain why the undies had a hole in the front of them . It will also help once you get back to work. With him being in a daycare, around other kids, he will see all them going to the potty and want to join the club!

 

[mAlice]

It took me a week to potty train my daughter. Make him clean it up. All of it. By the time he's through crying and pitching a fit over cleaning up the nasty mess he should be tired enough to take a nap and you can go in after him while he's sleeping and clean up the mess that he actually made. As long as he thinks he's cleaning it, that's all that matters.