Premarital Sex :o

[AnonymousPenguin]

Just hoping to see arguments for and against premarital sex.  I realize that spiritual beliefs may closely be tied to views of this subject as most moral values tend to be...

Some questions to ponder:
1) Is it right or wrong?
2) Why?
3) Why is it so common in today's society?
4) What are the advantages and disadvantages of waiting until marriage?
5) Should there be a limit to the number of partners?

...I know it's a personal and touchy subject....

Looking forward to your opinions/beliefs/values...

 

[vraiblonde]

I think that you shouldn't put it out there for just any ol' swingin' Pete.  There is absolutely nothing to be gained by engaging in sex with strangers or to get what you want or to validate yourself as a woman.

I tell my kids what a sleaze I was and what it got me (nothing) in hopes that they won't make the same mistake.  It may sound like I'm going the "do as I say, not as I do" route, but I prefer to think of it as wisdom from the "been there, done that" crowd.

Casual sex doesn't even remotely resemble sex with a loving partner.  Same mechanics but the result is so different.  So I might not go as far as to say save it for marriage, but I would definitely tell people to save it for a serious relationship, not just some guy you pick up in a bar.

Not to mention unwanted pregnancy or STDs.

 

[Otter]

AP, why did you ask this under the "Religion" category?? Something to do with a religous experience? so confused.....

 

[SxyPrincess]

Personally, I don't feel there is anything wrong with pre-marital sex.  If you feel that you are ready for the emotional and physical aspects, then why not.  I'm not saying that girls or guys should go sleeping around as much as possible, but a little experimentation is not going to hurt.  

I believe teens have to be very well educated on the pros, if any and cons of pre-marital sex.  I don't feel that a teen should engage in sexual encounters just to feel "wanted."  If you someone you care about, and want to share yourself with that person, that is your choice.  

What about the large percentage of marriages ending in divorce because the couples are not sexually compatible???  

We try on clothes before we decide to buy them, why not try out partners???  

 

[Sharon]

Who wants to buy the cow if the milk is free?
(Sorry--I couldn't help myself, somebody had to say it.)

 

[Teddy Bear]

Do you really know anyone who got divorced because of sexual incompatability?  I believe any dissatisfaction with a sexual partner can be fixed, if both partners care enough about pleasing each other.  Our bodies were designed to enjoy sex.  OK, so our parents laid guilt trips on us about enjoying sex, and sometimes it takes a long time to learn how to enjoy the wonderfully natural act; but barring a physical barrier, we are all compatable.  

What I am trying to say is if you love your partner with your heart, you can learn to love with your physical body that is pleasurable to both.

 

[vraiblonde]

Princess, I suppose if you think of a person the same way you think of your clothes, you've got a point.  I don't think that way.

I think too much emphasis is put on sex in relationships, anyway.  I love my girlfriends to death but I don't have sex with them.  One of my best friends is a guy and I've never had sex with him, either.  People who know us find it amazing that we never got horizontal with each other - as if sex is the be-all, end-all of a male-female relationship.

I'm curious what you think the "pros" of pre-marital sex are?

 

[Christy]

Vrai, wow, once again you beat me to the punch!

This is such a tough issue (especially when you have a daughter).  With teenage girls it's such an emotional issue.  Physically they are more than ready, with all the raging hormones, but mentally, it can be a disaster for them.  They don't have enough experience to know when a guy is a creep or not and wind up devastated.  

Then you've got the STD's and the pregnancy issue.  It makes so much more sense to wait, but I think we all know that is much easier said than done.  

I've got a niece who is running around like crazy, and it's making me nuts.  I'm desperately trying to get through to her, because she's such a beautiful girl, yet she has such a low opinion of herself.  It's not really "self esteem", she knows she looks good (part of the problem) but that is the only thing she feels good about (the outside apearance).  She somehow feels that she has no value, and that the things these guys do to her is okay.  She's given a guy a BJ, because he told her if she didn't he wouldn't give her a ride home, she's been slapped around etc..  It's insane (and this is from teenage boys, and apparently it is acceptable in the youth culture to "smack your girl around&quot.  She fills me in on all this stuff on messenger.  I've asked her over and over when is she going to stop allowing these boys to use her, and her body as a toilet.  Because that is exactly what they are doing.

You would think this behaviour would be from a girl from an abusive family, but her family is the complete opposite.  Her parents have been happily married for over 20 years and have been the perfect parents (truly).  Her mother stayed home and dedicated her entire life to raising them and being there for them (she's got 2 older brother's who are perfectly normal). I've watched her grow from a baby to a teenager, and I swear, she lost her mind overnight.

I know I'm going off on a tangent here somewhat, but maybe one of you might give me some ideas to get through to her that I've not already tried.  Any suggestions?

As for when you are older, and your hormones have leveled off, and the mind can once again semi-reason with the body, I think pre-marital sex is okay if it's something both you and your partner choose to do.

 

[SxyPrincess]

Blonde,

I have many of guys friends also, and I don't go around sleeping with them.  All I'm saying is, if you are in a relationship with someone, and care about them and truly feel comfortable with them...why not have sex?  Sex is not something we should be ashamed of.  More or less, everyone of us will do it sometime or another.  

And yes, I can name a few persons whose marriages have struggled because of their sexual differences.  So, don't say it doesn't happen.

 

[Christy]

Steve and I have had to work through our sexual differences.  Once I put my foot down and made him stop trying to wear my panties we've gotten along great!  (kidding Steve!  Oh, I am so dead!)

 

[SxyPrincess]

Here are a few pros:

 Exercise
 Burns calories
 Realism of sexual compatibility
 Orgasms
 Marry when they are virgins, only to find sex so      amazingly pleasurable they "cannot help" but get into a string of extramarital coital behaviour.

 

[AnonymousPenguin]

Quote: from Otter on 8:49 am on Nov. 8, 2001[br]AP, why did you ask this under the "Religion" category?? Something to do with a religous experience? so confused.....

Otter,
I thought that choices such as this are often closely related to spiritual beliefs.  I understand that this is the "Religion" forum.  Under the forum heading, the word "spirituality" is reffered to...  I contemplated posting this post under the "Dating and Marriage" forum instead of the "Religion" forum.   The act has to do more with dating and marriage.  However, I feel the choice/decision is tied to spiritual/religious beliefs.  In addition, I was hoping to hear some religous/spiritual perspectives in relation to this subject....  So, I felt the "Religion" forum would best suit it...

(Edited by AnonymousPenguin at 10:21 pm on Nov. 8, 2001)

 

[Hessian]

Funny how everyone seems to say "Do it ...just be selective...Have fun, just be 'safe'...There's nothing wrong with it unless you do it too much."

Does this seem weird to anyone?
Christ told the woman about to be stoned..."Go, and sin no more" Repeated references in the NT by several writers to "Flee immorality" or "fornication"...the problem is we don't hit the nail on the head at the right time: NO>>>ITS NOT ABOUT more SEX EDUCATION! Its about getting kids to recognize the first signs of temptation and walk away-NOT test yourself to see how much you can take before you give in.
Can guys have the fortitude to walk past a xxx bookrack and not pause?...can they NOT click on the button on the site that says "enter"?,...can they have enough respect for a girl to say "I'm not going any farther.?" THIS is VERY tough stuff! And the lack of morality today demonstrated by TV, Movies, Adults, Public schools etc...makes it all the tougher. Everyone is telling them..."Do it but just be careful" Yeah, like that same advice works if your doing coke.

Do IT, and you begin carrying around baggage, and disappointments all the rest of your life.(Not to mention the fear of catching something that will ruin you!)
Veritas!

 

[Otter]

Quote: from AnonymousPenguin on 10:15 pm on Nov. 8, 2001[br]Otter,
I thought that choices such as this are often closely related to spiritual beliefs.  I understand that this is the "Religion" forum.  Under the forum heading, the word "spirituality" is reffered to...  I contemplated posting this post under the "Dating and Marriage" forum instead of the "Religion" forum.   The act has to do more with dating and marriage.  However, I feel the choice/decision is tied to spiritual/religious beliefs.  In addition, I was hoping to hear some religous/spiritual perspectives in relation to this subject....  So, I felt the "Religion" forum would best suit it...

K, AP..I see your point..thx

 

[andwhat]

Hessien, here's an interesting note for you since you brought up the bible card in this topic (as well you should have in this discusion), pre marital sex was not considered a sin untill the apostle Paul decided it was around 90AD. Paul never met Christ and only ever met one apostle. He was not present for any of christs direct teachings and in fact found himself in a major argument with some of the apostles, namely James over his teachings. But thats another time and another argument b/c I know by now how strongly you feel about this one so I'm not going to even bother shouting into the wind.
As for the other argumetn about pre marital sex, yes there are lots of people who are sexually incompatible and yes it can ruin a marriage. i also know people who waited untill they were married and after they did it, they did everything in sight and it also ruined the marriage. On this one I think it has to be up to the individual. some people are ready for the emotions of sex before they are married, some are not. Hell some are never ready for it. I will admit that sex is something more than clothing but the point is would you buy a house without ever stepping foot in it and then be stuck with the house the rest of your life whetehr you like it or not? At least with pre marital sex, you know that thats one thing that you don't have to worry about ruining the marriage, b/c lord knows there is enough other stuff out there trying to destroy marriages already. so if you're ready and you just feel the urge, then cheers.

 

[SxyPrincess]

     
           

 

[andwhat]

sxy, you rock. Marry me? jk.

 

[SxyPrincess]

and,

Kaz has already lswept me off my feet (and onto the bed)!!!!!!

 

[Christy]

Sxy, Oh my!  Is that a confession I'm hearing?! You and Kaz mattress dancing.    It sure is a good thing you are in the religion forum making that declaration!  

 

[SxyPrincess]

OOPS!!!!  My lips are SEALED!!!!!!!!!