BS Gal
Voted Nicest in 08
Actual letter to Maxi-Pad Proctor & Gamble - This is priceless! This is a
letter written to one of the top executives at Proctor & Gamble.
Dear Mr.Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years and I
appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or
Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or
salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach
in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your
revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how
crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe
and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
"the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is
starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently
surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and
I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly
with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers'
monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the
bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood
swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize
it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer
fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George
Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was
written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the
reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so
painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an
Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:
"Have a Happy Period"
Are you fu******** kidding me? Did anything mentioned above sound the
least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, there will never be anything
"happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and
Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to
the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end
your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man!
If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it
make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down
the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just picking on
us?
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX
letter written to one of the top executives at Proctor & Gamble.
Dear Mr.Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years and I
appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or
Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or
salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach
in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your
revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how
crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe
and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
"the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is
starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently
surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and
I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly
with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers'
monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the
bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood
swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize
it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer
fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George
Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was
written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the
reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so
painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an
Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:
"Have a Happy Period"
Are you fu******** kidding me? Did anything mentioned above sound the
least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, there will never be anything
"happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and
Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to
the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end
your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man!
If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it
make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down
the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just picking on
us?
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX
:funnybecauseit'strue:
