Circle of Guess
A local preacher was paying a visit to one of his church members on a Friday night, and heard a loud party as he approached the house. He knocked on the door and the owner answered. Behind him, he saw a circle of naked men, with blindfolded women moving from man to man, fondling each man's package, and guessing who it was. The preacher, seeing this, said "I'm sorry. I don't think I'd fit in here right now."
"Nonsense," the man replied. "Your name's been called three times already."
Have You Been Drinking?
A man is out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday evening. Before too long, the cops pull him over.
The policeman walks up to the man and asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"
"Why? Was I weaving all over the road?"
"No," replied, the policeman, "you were driving splendidly. It was the ugly fat chick in the passenger seat that gave you away."
Alligator Warning
The Florida State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishers, and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for alligators while in Brevard, Broward, Hillsborough, Pinellas, Orange, Osceola, Polk, Palm Beach and Sarasota Counties.
They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the alligators unexpectedly. They also advise the carrying of pepper spray in case of an encounter with an alligator.
It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of alligator activity. People should recognize the difference between small young alligator and large adult alligator droppings. Young alligator droppings are smaller and contain fish bones and possibly bird feathers. Adult alligator' droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray.
Old Codger Gets A Mirror
After living in the country farmlands of New York all his life, an old codger decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."
He bought the "picture," but on the way home, he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.
Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly ##### he's runnin' around with."
A local preacher was paying a visit to one of his church members on a Friday night, and heard a loud party as he approached the house. He knocked on the door and the owner answered. Behind him, he saw a circle of naked men, with blindfolded women moving from man to man, fondling each man's package, and guessing who it was. The preacher, seeing this, said "I'm sorry. I don't think I'd fit in here right now."
"Nonsense," the man replied. "Your name's been called three times already."
Have You Been Drinking?
A man is out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday evening. Before too long, the cops pull him over.
The policeman walks up to the man and asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"
"Why? Was I weaving all over the road?"
"No," replied, the policeman, "you were driving splendidly. It was the ugly fat chick in the passenger seat that gave you away."
Alligator Warning
The Florida State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishers, and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for alligators while in Brevard, Broward, Hillsborough, Pinellas, Orange, Osceola, Polk, Palm Beach and Sarasota Counties.
They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the alligators unexpectedly. They also advise the carrying of pepper spray in case of an encounter with an alligator.
It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of alligator activity. People should recognize the difference between small young alligator and large adult alligator droppings. Young alligator droppings are smaller and contain fish bones and possibly bird feathers. Adult alligator' droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray.
Old Codger Gets A Mirror
After living in the country farmlands of New York all his life, an old codger decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."
He bought the "picture," but on the way home, he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.
Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly ##### he's runnin' around with."