Rather Scary

[Otter]

(clickie)

 

[itsbob]

http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4110

Prefer this one..

 

[Railroad]

You guys are somethin' else!

 

[Tonio]

The Post had a collection of Dan's bizarre election-time homilies. Personally, I think they make him sound like a senile old man.

• "You can pour water on the fire, call in the dogs, the hunt is over, Terry Sanford has won the North Carolina Senate race."

• In the Southwest, "fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, and Republicans have to win in Arizona."

• The election is so exciting it could "make the wax pop out of your ears if you love politics."

• Texas is "the big enchilada or, if not an enchilada, then a huge taco."

• On the Democrats' challenge, "It was always a big rock up a high hill. The rock just got bigger and the hill just got higher."

• Election night was "the long kiss goodnight for Bob Dole."

• In reference to a poll showing Colin Powell would have beaten Clinton: "Woulda, coulda, shoulda. If a frog didn't have long hind legs, he wouldn't have squat to jump with."

• "This race is tight like a too-small bathing suit on a too-long ride home from the beach."

• "We've lived by the crystal ball and learned to eat so much broken glass tonight that we're in critical condition."

• "We don't know what to do. We don't know whether to wind a watch or bark at the moon."

 

[willie]

The Post had a collection of Dan's bizarre election-time homilies. Personally, I think they make him sound like a senile old man.

I thought they were hilarious. Since I avoid his broadcasts, I didn't know the lying sack of crap had a sense of humor.

 

[Tonio]

I thought they were hilarious. Since I avoid his broadcasts, I didn't know the lying sack of crap had a sense of humor.

I thought he was trying to be down-home folksy, not funny. But he was funny because his attempts at folksiness were cartoonish. Sor tof the same reason people laughed at Ross Perot, except that Perot wasn't putting on an act.

 

[Tonio]

Here's a transcript of Darrell Hammond's impression of Rather:

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/01/01ddanrather.phtml

CBS News now comfirming that I.. have.. anthrax. Now, as you can imagine, this comes as a major disappointment to me personally. And, I don't mind telling you that I'm madder than a rained-on rooster about it...

CBS News is now projecting that over at NBC News, Tim Russert.. has.. anthrax. He may not know it yet, and he may be feeling as strong as an acre of garlic...

Back at NBC, CBS is now projecting that Katie Couric does not.. have.. anthrax. I repeat: does not have anthrax. Now, this will come as a bitter disappointment to many conservatives who had high hopes the perky liberal "Today Show" host would contract the disease, at least in its geltaneous form. But tonight, they're going home empty-handed, while over at Couric-ville they're dancing in the streets...

CBS News has now another projection to make, and, believe me, it is a bombshell. Carl, come back into the living room, Mabel, get a pad and pencil 'cause you're gonna want to write this down...

This has been a night of surprises, and here's one more. Carl, go down to the basement. Mabel, get in here, take your clothes off, and put these shoes on. Also the hat. Now, put one leg up on that chair, arch your back and listen to this, ‘cause it’s a humdinger...