Redneck 12 Days of Christmas

[Railroad]

PART 1 of 2

I wrote this a few years back. Pulled it out of the archives:

On th’ first day o’ Christmas the Missus gave to me
A gun rack fer th’ ole truck


On th’ second day o’ Christmas the Missus gave to me
Two fog lights an’ a gun rack fer th’ ole truck


On th’ third day o’ Christmas th’ Missus gave to me
Three cans o’ paint, two fog lights, an’ a gun rack fer th’ ole truck


On th’ fourth day o’ Christmas th’ Missus gave to me
Four pairs o’ pliers, three cans o’ paint, two fog lights, an’ a gun rack fer th’ ole truck


On th’ fifth day o’ Christmas th’ Missus gave to me
FIVE CANS O’ BEER!
Four pairs o’ pliers, three cans o’ paint, two fog lights, an’ a gun rack fer th’ ole truck


On th’ sixth day o’ Christmas th’ Missus gave to me
Six pickled eggs
FIVE CANS O’ BEER!
Four pairs o’ pliers, three cans o’ paint, two fog lights, an’ a gun rack fer th’ ole truck


On th’ seventh day o’ Christmas th’ Missus gave to me
Seven rolls o’ Duct Tape, six pickled eggs,
FIVE CANS O’ BEER!
Four pairs o’ pliers, three cans o’ paint, two fog lights, an’ a gun rack fer th’ ole truck


On th’ eighth day o’ Christmas th’ missus gave to me
Eight NASCAR Photos, seven rolls o’ duct tape, six pickled eggs,
FIVE CANS O’ BEER!
Four pairs o’ pliers, three cans o’ paint, two fog lights, an’ a gun rack fer th’ ole truck


On th’ ninth day o’ Christmas, th’ Missus gave to me
Nine cans o’ car wax, eight NASCAR Photos, seven rolls o’ duct tape, six pickled eggs,
FIVE CANS O’ BEER!
Four pairs o’ pliers, three cans o’ paint, two fog lights, an’ a gun rack fer th’ ole truck


On th’ tenth day o’ Christmas, th’ Missus gave to me
Ten bags o’ jerky, nine cans o’ car wax, eight NASCAR Photos, seven rolls o’ duct tape, six pickled eggs,
FIVE CANS O’ BEER!
Four pairs o’ pliers, three cans o’ paint, two fog lights, an’ a gun rack fer th’ ole truck


On th’ ‘leventh day o’ Christmas, th’ Missus gave to me
‘Leven Johnny Cash tapes, ten bags o’ jerky, nine cans o’ car wax, eight NASCAR Photos, seven rolls o’ duct tape, six pickled eggs,
FIVE CANS O’ BEER!
Four pairs o’ pliers, three cans o’ paint, two fog lights, an’ a gun rack fer th’ ole truck


On th’ twelfth day o’ Christmas, th’ Missus gave to me
Twelve hacksaw blades, ‘leven Johnny Cash tapes, ten bags o’ jerky, nine cans o’ car wax, eight NASCAR Photos, seven rolls o’ duct tape, six pickled eggs,
FIVE CANS O’ BEER!
Four pairs o’ pliers, three cans o’ paint, two fog lights, an’ a gun rack fer th’ ole truck

 

[Railroad]

PART 2 of 2

On th’ first day o’ Christmas, th’ Mister gave ta me
A blue plastic toilet-bowl brush


On th’ second day o’ Christmas, th’ Mister gave ta me
Two dust rags an’ a blue plastic toilet bowl brush


On th’ third day o’ Christmas, th’ Mister gave ta me
Three powder puffs, two dust rags, an’ a blue plastic toilet bowl brush


On th’ fourth day o’ Christmas, th’ Mister gave ta me
Four pounds o’ lard, three powder puffs, two dust rags, an’ a blue plastic toilet bowl brush


On th’ fifth day o’ Christmas, th’ Mister gave ta me
FIVE CANS O’ BEER!
Four pounds o’ lard, three powder puffs, two dust rags, an’ a blue plastic toilet bowl brush


On th’ sixth day o’ Christmas, th’ Mister gave ta me
Six hair clips,
FIVE CANS O’ BEER!
Four pounds o’ lard, three powder puffs, two dust rags, an’ a blue plastic toilet bowl brush


On th’ seventh day o’ Christmas, th’ Mister gave ta me
Seven beer store coupons, six hair clips,
FIVE CANS O’ BEER!
Four pounds o’ lard, three powder puffs, two dust rags, an’ a blue plastic toilet bowl brush


On th’ eighth day o’ Christmas, th’ Mister Gave ta me
Eight Lotto tickets, seven beer store coupons, six hair clips,
FIVE CANS O’ BEER!
Four pounds o’ lard, three powder puffs, two dust rags, an’ a blue plastic toilet bowl brush


On th’ ninth day o’ Christmas, th’ Mister gave ta me
Nine cans o’ Comet, eight Lotto tickets, seven beer store coupons, six hair clips,
FIVE CANS O’ BEER!
Four pounds o’ lard, three powder puffs, two dust rags, an’ a blue plastic toilet bowl brush


On th’ tenth day o’ Christmas, th’ Mister gave ta me
Ten pounds o’ topsoil, nine cans o’ Comet, eight lotto tickets, seven beer store coupons, six hair clips,
FIVE CANS O’ BEER!
Four pounds o’ lard, three powder puffs, two dust rags, an’ a blue plastic toilet bowl brush


On th’ ‘leventh day o’ Christmas, th’ Mister gave ta me,
‘Leven fishin’ worms, ten pounds o’ topsoil, nine cans o’ Comet, eight lotto tickets, seven beer store coupons, six hair clips,
FIVE CANS O’ BEER!
Four pounds o’ lard, three powder puffs, two dust rags, an’ a blue plastic toilet bowl brush


On th’ twelfth day o’ Christmas, th’ Mister gave ta me,
Twelve cans o’ beans, leven fishin’ worms, ten pounds o’ topsoil, nine cans o’ Comet, eight lotto tickets, seven beer store coupons, six hair clips,
FIVE CANS O’ BEER!
Four pounds o’ lard, three powder puffs, two dust rags, an’ a blue plastic toilet bowl brush