Rude comments from teachers/administrators?

[Cowgirl]

For those of you with split families, have you ever had your kids' teachers or administrators make rude comments about your custody situation? The kids are at their mom's half the time, and with us half the time. Instead of every other week, we do two days on, two days off, then every other weekend. It sounds hectic, but it's really not. The kids are also young (6 and 3.5) so they (D and their mom) felt it was better for them instead of them having to go for a whole week without mom/dad.

Well, kids' mom was registering girlie for pre-k, and she was answering the question about the income. The guidance counselor didn't know if he should use mom's, dad's, or combined. He called someone else on the phone, and explained the situation. When he described custody, the woman on the phone said, "Those poor children." His response? He said, "Tell me about it." WTF? We've MET with him for a parent/teacher conference before. It's not like we're strangers. We met for a conference with boy's kindergarten teacher, and he had 2 parents and BOTH steps there with him. Hell, that's more than most kids have show up to conferences.

I'm just so sick of the comments. Is it stressful? I'm sure it's slightly stressful at times, but this is all the kids have known. We try to do everything we can to make it easy on them.

Has anyone else had experiences like this? It's so frustrating. Sure, in a perfect world all mommies and daddies and kids would be together, but it's not a perfect world. I don't feel it's fair for teachers and administrators to make comments about custody situations. Is it better for kids to only see daddy every other weekend? Or only see mommy every other weekend?

 

[Otter]

For those of you with split families, have you ever had your kids' teachers or administrators make rude comments about your custody situation? The kids are at their mom's half the time, and with us half the time. Instead of every other week, we do two days on, two days off, then every other weekend. It sounds hectic, but it's really not. The kids are also young (6 and 3.5) so they (D and their mom) felt it was better for them instead of them having to go for a whole week without mom/dad.

Well, kids' mom was registering girlie for pre-k, and she was answering the question about the income. The guidance counselor didn't know if he should use mom's, dad's, or combined. He called someone else on the phone, and explained the situation. When he described custody, the woman on the phone said, "Those poor children." His response? He said, "Tell me about it." WTF? We've MET with him for a parent/teacher conference before. It's not like we're strangers. We met for a conference with boy's kindergarten teacher, and he had 2 parents and BOTH steps there with him. Hell, that's more than most kids have show up to conferences.

I'm just so sick of the comments. Is it stressful? I'm sure it's slightly stressful at times, but this is all the kids have known. We try to do everything we can to make it easy on them.

Has anyone else had experiences like this? It's so frustrating. Sure, in a perfect world all mommies and daddies and kids would be together, but it's not a perfect world. I don't feel it's fair for teachers and administrators to make comments about custody situations. Is it better for kids to only see daddy every other weekend? Or only see mommy every other weekend?

Ignore it, remember, there's stupid people everywhere

 

[Chasey_Lane]

#### 'em!

I wouldn't worry about the comments. The kids are taken care of and the visitation works for you. It is nobody's business but yours.

As for income: if mom was registering, I'd have listed hers only.

 

[Cowgirl]

Ignore it,

It's hard to. I'd love to call up the counselor and tell him how rude it was, but it's not my place.

 

[vraiblonde]

Don't listen to that crap. My friend and her ex had a similar situation with their daughter, and it all worked out fine and their now 17 year old is a complete joy.

Just shrug off the dumb comments. Or light the busybody up, if you're in a mood.

 

[Cowgirl]

Or light the busybody up, if you're in a mood.

I wish I'd been there!

 

[bohman]

We met for a conference with boy's kindergarten teacher, and he had 2 parents and BOTH steps there with him. Hell, that's more than most kids have show up to conferences.

Because of this...

Ignore it, remember, there's stupid people everywhere

You can just do this - ignore it.

 

[Dymphna]

I had a child in my day care that was looking forward to a life similiar to your stepkids.

What always amazed me about that family was how well Mom & Dad & BF & miscellaneous other relatives I saw all got along. It was down right unnatural. But I applauded them for it everyday because it was clear that the overriding motivation was love for that child and doing what was best for him.

The Mom in that case had some concerns early on that she expressed to me about how when the boy was a Dad's things were done differently and she was concerned that they were sending mixed messages. I pointed out that the same could be said of sending a child to daycare. The rules in my house are different from the rules at home. The rules at grandma's house when we go to visit are different than the rules at home. As long as everyone agrees on the major things, who cares that Dad lets them eat in the living room and grandma won't let them run toy cars on her hardwood floors. Kids can adapt.

Heck, my kids live with both Mom and Dad in the same house and they know that if Mom's not home and Dad's is, some things are going to be different...

Too many split custody situations have the parents disagreeing on major stuff. School administrators are used to that. Parents and step-parents that get along are the anomoly. Take pride in that and ignore the idiots who assume otherwise.

 

[Cowgirl]

Too many split custody situations have the parents disagreeing on major stuff. School administrators are used to that. Parents and step-parents that get along are the anomoly. Take pride in that and ignore the idiots who assume otherwise.

Thanks, Dymphna. I think what they don't realize is that the kids do have a routine, even if they're staying at a different parent's house. They go to the same daycare, ride the same bus, go to the same school, etc. Their mom and dad talk fairly regularly about stuff.

I'm over it now that I vented. I just didn't know if we should get used to this, or if it is just this school.

 

[pebbles]

Thanks, Dymphna. I think what they don't realize is that the kids do have a routine, even if they're staying at a different parent's house. They go to the same daycare, ride the same bus, go to the same school, etc. Their mom and dad talk fairly regularly about stuff.

I'm over it now that I vented. I just didn't know if we should get used to this, or if it is just this school.

I'm curious as to which school?

My boyfriend now has full custody of his daughter, will be 2 years in July. However before then it was a week with us, a week with mom. We switched on Mondays at daycare because it was better that way. Child was in school then & we just explained our situation & haven't had any problems since.

Still have to explain every year to the new teacher what our situation is. We aren't married but do have another child together & live as a family. His daughter calls me mommy but knows the difference. I've also been in her life for over 5 years (since she was 2). I am the one that's always there so it's what works for you. Ignore the ignorant people who don't get it!

 

[Cowgirl]

I'm curious as to which school?

It's one on the Eastern Shore.

 

[kelb]

For those of you with split families, have you ever had your kids' teachers or administrators make rude comments about your custody situation? The kids are at their mom's half the time, and with us half the time. Instead of every other week, we do two days on, two days off, then every other weekend. It sounds hectic, but it's really not. The kids are also young (6 and 3.5) so they (D and their mom) felt it was better for them instead of them having to go for a whole week without mom/dad.

Well, kids' mom was registering girlie for pre-k, and she was answering the question about the income. The guidance counselor didn't know if he should use mom's, dad's, or combined. He called someone else on the phone, and explained the situation. When he described custody, the woman on the phone said, "Those poor children." His response? He said, "Tell me about it." WTF? We've MET with him for a parent/teacher conference before. It's not like we're strangers. We met for a conference with boy's kindergarten teacher, and he had 2 parents and BOTH steps there with him. Hell, that's more than most kids have show up to conferences.

I'm just so sick of the comments. Is it stressful? I'm sure it's slightly stressful at times, but this is all the kids have known. We try to do everything we can to make it easy on them.

Has anyone else had experiences like this? It's so frustrating. Sure, in a perfect world all mommies and daddies and kids would be together, but it's not a perfect world. I don't feel it's fair for teachers and administrators to make comments about custody situations. Is it better for kids to only see daddy every other weekend? Or only see mommy every other weekend?

I guess the parents could have stayed together and been miserable and made the kids miserable. Maybe that would have been better

Screw them.

 

[poster]

For those of you with split families, have you ever had your kids' teachers or administrators make rude comments about your custody situation? The kids are at their mom's half the time, and with us half the time. Instead of every other week, we do two days on, two days off, then every other weekend. It sounds hectic, but it's really not. The kids are also young (6 and 3.5) so they (D and their mom) felt it was better for them instead of them having to go for a whole week without mom/dad.

Well, kids' mom was registering girlie for pre-k, and she was answering the question about the income. The guidance counselor didn't know if he should use mom's, dad's, or combined. He called someone else on the phone, and explained the situation. When he described custody, the woman on the phone said, "Those poor children." His response? He said, "Tell me about it." WTF? We've MET with him for a parent/teacher conference before. It's not like we're strangers. We met for a conference with boy's kindergarten teacher, and he had 2 parents and BOTH steps there with him. Hell, that's more than most kids have show up to conferences.

I'm just so sick of the comments. Is it stressful? I'm sure it's slightly stressful at times, but this is all the kids have known. We try to do everything we can to make it easy on them.

Has anyone else had experiences like this? It's so frustrating. Sure, in a perfect world all mommies and daddies and kids would be together, but it's not a perfect world. I don't feel it's fair for teachers and administrators to make comments about custody situations. Is it better for kids to only see daddy every other weekend? Or only see mommy every other weekend?

Great the Mom was able to be tactfull and not react.

I on the other hand would have clearly said something to the effect of, "by the way, I could hear both sides of that conversation and until you walk in my f'n shoes, don't pass judgement on my family's decisions as to what's best for our children."

A counselor (especially) should know that family dynamics is different for all. If the child is happy and supported then who is he (or anyone else) to judge the method.

Children Likely To Be Better Adjusted In Joint vs Sole Custody Arrangements
"Children in joint custody arrangements had less behavior and emotional problems, had higher self-esteem, better family relations and school performance than children in sole custody arrangements. And these children were as well-adjusted as intact family children on the same measures, said Bauserman, "probably because joint custody provides the child with an opportunity to have ongoing contact with both parents." "