Tonio
Asperger's Poster Child
NORTH POLE -- Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was convicted today of the multiple slayings of Santa Claus and eight tiny reindeer in the horrifying Christmas Eve accident last year.
During the trial, psychiatric experts testified to Rudolph's criminal insanity, attributing it to years of emotional abuse from all of the other reindeer, being laughed at and called names and not being included in any reindeer games.
When a deep fog on Christmas Eve prompted Mr. Claus to include Rudolph in his sleigh team, the experts said, the reindeer's mind finally snapped and he saw an opportunity for revenge
After Mr. Claus finished his Christmas rounds, Rudolph guided the sleigh back to the North Pole. Traveling at several hundred miles per hour, Rudolph steered toward the ice cliffs that ring Mr. Claus' North Pole retreat. The FAA has theorized that because of the fog, either Mr. Claus nor the other reindeer detected in the change in course.
According to the North Pole elves tracking the team's progress, Rudolph then slipped his harness and abandoned the team. Seconds later, as the elves watched in horror, Mr. Claus and the eight little reindeer were pulverized when they collided with the ice cliffs. Rudolph then landed safety at the Claus retreat, chanting maniacally, "Who's laughing now, Blitzen? Who's laughing now, Cupid?"
"For what that miserable vermin did, I hope he rots in hell forever," said Mrs. Santa Claus after the trial. "He deserves to wind up as a hunting trophy."
The judge in Rudolph's trial, The Honorable Johnny Marks, is expected to order the reindeer's commital to St. Elizabeth's.
During the trial, psychiatric experts testified to Rudolph's criminal insanity, attributing it to years of emotional abuse from all of the other reindeer, being laughed at and called names and not being included in any reindeer games.
When a deep fog on Christmas Eve prompted Mr. Claus to include Rudolph in his sleigh team, the experts said, the reindeer's mind finally snapped and he saw an opportunity for revenge
After Mr. Claus finished his Christmas rounds, Rudolph guided the sleigh back to the North Pole. Traveling at several hundred miles per hour, Rudolph steered toward the ice cliffs that ring Mr. Claus' North Pole retreat. The FAA has theorized that because of the fog, either Mr. Claus nor the other reindeer detected in the change in course.
According to the North Pole elves tracking the team's progress, Rudolph then slipped his harness and abandoned the team. Seconds later, as the elves watched in horror, Mr. Claus and the eight little reindeer were pulverized when they collided with the ice cliffs. Rudolph then landed safety at the Claus retreat, chanting maniacally, "Who's laughing now, Blitzen? Who's laughing now, Cupid?"
"For what that miserable vermin did, I hope he rots in hell forever," said Mrs. Santa Claus after the trial. "He deserves to wind up as a hunting trophy."
The judge in Rudolph's trial, The Honorable Johnny Marks, is expected to order the reindeer's commital to St. Elizabeth's.