sabatoged!

sleuth

Livin' Like Thanksgivin'
So I'm out with a group of about 10 people, one of which is a girl I've been dating for about 3 weeks or so.

Even though I'm 10 minutes late, I arrive at the restaurant first, followed by a friend of the girl I'm dating that I don't know. We're chatting... making small talk, when she starts to ask how I know both of the above-mentioned people. Eventually, she asks if myself and that girl are 'dating', to which I replied something to the effect of... "I'd like to think so... but I'm not sure what she's calling it; you'd have to ask her, I guess." It was left pretty much at that.

About half-way through the dinner, the girl I'm dating and the girl I chatted with take one of those famous women's bathroom breaks, where they discuss men and all their faults and assets whilst powdering their noses or whatever. I figure I'm safe. I didn't say anything too debatable.

As the evening ends, I'm getting ready to leave when the girl I'm dating wants to walk me to my car. She 'needs to talk to me.' On the way out, she said that her friend told her I said that "she was my girlfriend" and she was a bit upset about that. Whoa. Hello? That's a helluva a lot different than what I said. How did I get from "you'll have to ask her" to "she's my girlfriend" ?

Although I denied it and told her my exact words, and she seemed to accept it, there was a noticable tension at the end of the evening. We're still on for a date on Wednesday, but I have a feeling that she feels some sort of trust was breached, all because her friend twisted my words around beyond all recognition.

Sabotaged by a stranger. Not fair.
 
J

justhangn

Guest
:wah: :wah: NOT QUOTING EVERYTHING HERE


Originally posted by sleuth14
Although I denied it and told her my exact words, and she seemed to accept it, there was a noticable tension at the end of the evening. We're still on for a date on Wednesday, but I have a feeling that she feels some sort of trust was breached, all because her friend twisted my words around beyond all recognition.

Sabotaged by a stranger. Not fair.

I would say that she trusts the friend more than she trusts your explanation.

Did you discuss your relationship before this time?

What’s the perspective girlfriend issue with your being boyfriend/girlfriend anyway?
 

sleuth

Livin' Like Thanksgivin'
Re: Re: sabatoged!

Originally posted by justhangn


I would say that she trusts the friend more than she trusts your explanation.

Did you discuss your relationship before this time?

What’s the perspective girlfriend issue with your being boyfriend/girlfriend anyway?


We delved into it a little, but we never defined it. Anyway, the issue has to do with the fact that she's afraid of commitment. Very much afraid, and I was in the process of slowly working through that.
 

sleuth

Livin' Like Thanksgivin'
Originally posted by BchBns
I'd pull the "friend" and "girlfriend" together, and have the "friend" tell your "girlfriend" exactly what you said so there is no confusion. Putting her "friend" on the spot will let your "girlfriend" know how much value to put in her "friend's" information from now on. :bubble: and it'll score you some points, cause she'll feel like she owes you for doubting you, too :really:

I think that would be asking for a confrontation, and indicate hostility towards her friend. Anyway, it's not likely to happen anyway, as I barely know her friend and I don't think they're that close anyway. Chances are I may not see the friend again for a long while.
 
J

justhangn

Guest
Re: Re: Re: sabatoged!

Originally posted by sleuth14



We delved into it a little, but we never defined it. Anyway, the issue has to do with the fact that she's afraid of commitment. Very much afraid, and I was in the process of slowly working through that.

Gotcha! I don't know your ages, but for the most part, you have nothing but time. Pushing someone to commitment usually produces bad consequences. If you show her that you are a stable and trust worthy person, the rest should be natural.

IMHO
 

Sierra39

Hairball Magnet
It's the Telephone Game!

Remember that stupid game from elementary school where you whisper something in someone's ear and it goes around the circle and by the time it gets back to the "sender" it's something completely weird and different?

Same concept, shorter circle... :biggrin:

You sound like a really nice guy, and I see several problems on the horizon:

1) If the girl is SO commitment-phobic that the mere mention of the word "girlfriend" is causing this much of an issue, then your description of "slowly working through that" is a gross understatement...

2) If she's not THAT close with the friend, why is she not trusting your version of the story? It sounds like she has some serious trust issues with men IN GENERAL...and you're going to have to "work through" THAT, too...

3) commitment-wanter + commitment-phobe = PAINFUL STRUGGLE (and I speak from recent experience!)

Hope it works out for you – keep us posted!
 

Sharon

* * * * * * * * *
Staff member
PREMO Member
Sleuth

Eventually, she asks if myself and that girl are 'dating',
Next time just answer with, "Why do you want to know?" ...and leave it at that.

It sounds like a lose-lose situation.
 

Sierra39

Hairball Magnet
YEAH!

You're right, Sharon – why is it her business? Sounds like she might've been trying to hit on Sleuth, then was disappointed that her friend was "dating" him, so she stirred up some trouble! :biggrin:

PS – I just LOVE your new avatar! (And those puppies STILL want to come live with you so they can hang out in your hot tub!)
 

Sharon

* * * * * * * * *
Staff member
PREMO Member
Originally posted by Sierra39


PS – I just LOVE your new avatar! (And those puppies STILL want to come live with you so they can hang out in your hot tub!)
I wish they could! :cheers:
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Go, Sierra! Ms. Common Sense strikes again!

Sleuth, I'd send the friend flowers thanking her for helping you dodge a bullet.
 
K

Kain99

Guest
All those Fish!!

Sleuth with all of those fish in the sea why aren't you swimming away as fast as you can? It sounds to me like this young lady is way to into games...

All of us have been hurt - Get over it already!

Don't get suckered by those Big wounded eyes it's just another game!

The Grinch....... :razz2:
 
K

Kizzy

Guest
As the evening ends, I'm getting ready to leave when the girl I'm dating wants to walk me to my car. She 'needs to talk to me.' On the way out, she said that her friend told her I said that "she was my girlfriend" and she was a bit upset about that.

I am sorry but BFD if that upset her. I would think Well, I am not GOOD ENOUGH to be your boyfriend? OR, What your ashamed that somebody MIGHT think that I am your boyfried?
But even after you told her that should have been the end of it.

I don't get the point of her being so upset, BFD.

There are far less complicated women out there.
 

sleuth

Livin' Like Thanksgivin'
Re: All those Fish!!

Originally posted by Kain99
Sleuth with all of those fish in the sea why aren't you swimming away as fast as you can? It sounds to me like this young lady is way to into games...

All of us have been hurt - Get over it already!

Don't get suckered by those Big wounded eyes it's just another game!

The Grinch....... :razz2:


Fish? The only fish I seem to find are Rockfish and Croakers...
...There's not many 20something available females down here in SoMD. Keyword "available". Seems most of them move here with their boyfriends/fiances/husbands. If there is... I just don't know where to find them.
 
Top