Subject: SALARY REQUEST
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons:
1. I do physical labor.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I don't get paid overtime.
7. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
8. I work in high temperatures.
9. My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you
have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
2. You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
4. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen
visiting other locations.
5. You do not take initiative -- you need to be pressured and
stimulated in order to start working.
6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
7. You don't always observe the necessary safety regulations, such as wearing correct protective clothing.
8. You will retire well before you are 65.
9. You are unable to work double shifts.
10. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
11. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly
entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons:
1. I do physical labor.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I don't get paid overtime.
7. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
8. I work in high temperatures.
9. My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you
have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
2. You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
4. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen
visiting other locations.
5. You do not take initiative -- you need to be pressured and
stimulated in order to start working.
6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
7. You don't always observe the necessary safety regulations, such as wearing correct protective clothing.
8. You will retire well before you are 65.
9. You are unable to work double shifts.
10. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
11. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly
entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
