Showering

withrespect

withrespect

:wr:
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly p...hysique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get ...in the shower. Use wash cloth , long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone......
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorb
ent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.
 
M

MadDogMarine

New Member
withrespect said:
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly p...hysique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get ...in the shower. Use wash cloth , long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone......
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorb
ent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.
Click to expand...


One good turn(joke) deserves another:
A few rules for women when living with a man.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us...
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down...
3 . Don't cut your hair. Ever...
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!..
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear....
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it......
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks...
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat...
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period...
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be...
11. Shopping is not sport....
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really....
13. You have enough clothes.....
14. You have too many shoes.....
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it....
16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too....
17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work....
18. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar....
19. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes....
20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?....
21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.....
22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.....
23. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.....
24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25. Check your oil....
26. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do....
27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived....
28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together....
29. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days....
30. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys....
31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.........
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?...
33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out....
34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done not both....
35. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials....
36. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
37. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at....
38. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
39. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines....
40. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.....
41. Anyone can buy condoms.....

And for the real staunch feminists among us, see the attached
"Why Beer Is Better Than A Woman"

I believe in equal rights to include joke posting!
Let the FIRESTORM begin! while I go "pop" a beer.
 

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