Not looking forward to the Year of the ####? The Toad a la Mode Cross-Cultural Astrology Interest Group presents this alternative
Snack Food Chinese Zodiac
As China erects skyscrapers in its ancient cities and ensures that all of its chubby little schoolchildren speak English, no aspect of its culture seems immune from Western influence.
Cola - Some people can fake a bubbly personality, but yours is the real thing. Don't keep your feelings all bottled up--you are prone to explosive outbursts when agitated. Your ideal career: Public relations. Marry a Fried Fruit Pie or Bubblegum, but never an Oreo.
Born in 1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008.
Twinkie - You contain hidden reserves and always spring back in the face of adversity. Others admire your sunny appearance and timeless qualities. Your ideal career: Teacher. Marry a Gummi or M&M, but never Bridge Mix.
Born in 1925, 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009.
Corn Nut - Sociable but hard-bitten, you like your life a little spicey and your talk a little salty. You can usually be found in a group of others like yourself. You inspire others to wit, hilarity, and great thirst. Your ideal career: Boxing promoter. Marry an Oreo or Ding-Dong, but never a Donut.
Born in 1926, 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010.
Fried Fruit Pie - Some may accuse you of being flaky, but they are merely jealous of your sweet nature. You don't have just one tender side--you are tender all over. Avoid high-stress jobs, as you are apt to crumble under pressure. Your ideal job: Graphic Blandisher. Marry Bridge Mix or Cola, but never a Cheese Puff.
Born in 1927, 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011.
Gummi - "Resilient" and "colorful" are the two words that best describe you. You seem simple, but your true nature is a profound mystery. Break free of your tendency to stick close to others like you--strike out on your own more. Your ideal job: Genetic counselor. Marry a Donut or Twinkie, but never Bubblegum.
Born in 1916, 1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000.
Oreo - You have a rough exterior, but inside you are a real softy. The deep affection of your friends often leaves you feeling pulled in two directions. Your ideal job: Forensic accountant. Marry a Cheese Puff or Corn Nut, but never an M&M.
Born in 1917, 1929, 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001.
Bridge Mix - You are an old standby--reliable and comforting. People don't necessarily seek you out, but you are always welcome at parties. Your one weakness is a tendency to try to be all things to all people. Your ideal job: Politician. Marry Bubblegum or a Fried Fruit Pie, but never a Ding-Dong.
Born in 1918, 1930, 1942, 1954,1966, 1978, 1990, 2002, 2014.
Donut - What others may see as an empty space, you surround with positivity. Be mindful of your difficulty with decisions and fight your inclination to go around in circles. Face adversity with a sprinkle of good cheer, and soon all your troubles will be dunked. Your ideal job: Corrections officer. Marry an M&M or a Gummi, but never a Twinkie.
Born in 1919, 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003, 2015.
Cheese Puff - Your presence lingers long after you have gone, and some people may feel overwhelmed by your vivid personality. Any gossip among your friends is sure to bear your fingerprints. Your ideal job: Taker of Souls and Destroyer of Dreams. Marry a Ding-Dong or an Oreo, but never a Corn Nut.
Born in 1920, 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004, 2016.
Bubblegum - You have an expansive personality but are easily deflated. However, everyone admires your flexibility and resiliance. Resist your tendency toward clinginess. Your ideal job: Actuary. Marry a Twinkie or Bridge Mix, but never a Fried Fruit Pie.
Born in 1921, 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005, 2017.
M&M - Bright and extroverted, you struggle between a desire to conform and an urge to stand out. But when the heat is on, your true colors are evident to all. Your ideal job: Clown or celebrity impersonator. Marry a Corn Nut or Donut, but never a Gummi.
Born in 1922, 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006, 2018.
Ding-Dong - Reliable, solid, perhaps a bit dense--you may not promise much at first glance, but those who get to know you are rewarded. Don't be afraid to come out of your shell sometimes. Your ideal job: Treasury Secretary. Marry a Fried Fruit Pie or Cheese Puff, but never an Oreo.
Born in 1923, 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007, 2019.
I'm a Fried Fruit Pie.
Snack Food Chinese Zodiac
As China erects skyscrapers in its ancient cities and ensures that all of its chubby little schoolchildren speak English, no aspect of its culture seems immune from Western influence.
Cola - Some people can fake a bubbly personality, but yours is the real thing. Don't keep your feelings all bottled up--you are prone to explosive outbursts when agitated. Your ideal career: Public relations. Marry a Fried Fruit Pie or Bubblegum, but never an Oreo.
Born in 1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008.
Twinkie - You contain hidden reserves and always spring back in the face of adversity. Others admire your sunny appearance and timeless qualities. Your ideal career: Teacher. Marry a Gummi or M&M, but never Bridge Mix.
Born in 1925, 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009.
Corn Nut - Sociable but hard-bitten, you like your life a little spicey and your talk a little salty. You can usually be found in a group of others like yourself. You inspire others to wit, hilarity, and great thirst. Your ideal career: Boxing promoter. Marry an Oreo or Ding-Dong, but never a Donut.
Born in 1926, 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010.
Fried Fruit Pie - Some may accuse you of being flaky, but they are merely jealous of your sweet nature. You don't have just one tender side--you are tender all over. Avoid high-stress jobs, as you are apt to crumble under pressure. Your ideal job: Graphic Blandisher. Marry Bridge Mix or Cola, but never a Cheese Puff.
Born in 1927, 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011.
Gummi - "Resilient" and "colorful" are the two words that best describe you. You seem simple, but your true nature is a profound mystery. Break free of your tendency to stick close to others like you--strike out on your own more. Your ideal job: Genetic counselor. Marry a Donut or Twinkie, but never Bubblegum.
Born in 1916, 1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000.
Oreo - You have a rough exterior, but inside you are a real softy. The deep affection of your friends often leaves you feeling pulled in two directions. Your ideal job: Forensic accountant. Marry a Cheese Puff or Corn Nut, but never an M&M.
Born in 1917, 1929, 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001.
Bridge Mix - You are an old standby--reliable and comforting. People don't necessarily seek you out, but you are always welcome at parties. Your one weakness is a tendency to try to be all things to all people. Your ideal job: Politician. Marry Bubblegum or a Fried Fruit Pie, but never a Ding-Dong.
Born in 1918, 1930, 1942, 1954,1966, 1978, 1990, 2002, 2014.
Donut - What others may see as an empty space, you surround with positivity. Be mindful of your difficulty with decisions and fight your inclination to go around in circles. Face adversity with a sprinkle of good cheer, and soon all your troubles will be dunked. Your ideal job: Corrections officer. Marry an M&M or a Gummi, but never a Twinkie.
Born in 1919, 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003, 2015.
Cheese Puff - Your presence lingers long after you have gone, and some people may feel overwhelmed by your vivid personality. Any gossip among your friends is sure to bear your fingerprints. Your ideal job: Taker of Souls and Destroyer of Dreams. Marry a Ding-Dong or an Oreo, but never a Corn Nut.
Born in 1920, 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004, 2016.
Bubblegum - You have an expansive personality but are easily deflated. However, everyone admires your flexibility and resiliance. Resist your tendency toward clinginess. Your ideal job: Actuary. Marry a Twinkie or Bridge Mix, but never a Fried Fruit Pie.
Born in 1921, 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005, 2017.
M&M - Bright and extroverted, you struggle between a desire to conform and an urge to stand out. But when the heat is on, your true colors are evident to all. Your ideal job: Clown or celebrity impersonator. Marry a Corn Nut or Donut, but never a Gummi.
Born in 1922, 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006, 2018.
Ding-Dong - Reliable, solid, perhaps a bit dense--you may not promise much at first glance, but those who get to know you are rewarded. Don't be afraid to come out of your shell sometimes. Your ideal job: Treasury Secretary. Marry a Fried Fruit Pie or Cheese Puff, but never an Oreo.
Born in 1923, 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007, 2019.
I'm a Fried Fruit Pie.
I don't wanna be a ding-dong.....
And I absolutely HATE Twinkies. 
Dont hate.
And is shaped very similar to an M & M.