George Carlin-istic humor*
>
> >> ** * 1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several
> times, does he become disoriented?
> >> 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
> Holland called Holes? *
> >> *3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
> >> 4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
> >> 5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
> >> 6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
> >> 7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put
> your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?
> >> 8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
> >> 9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
> bread to begin with?
> >> 10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
> >> 11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a
> person who drives a race car not called a racist? 12. Why are a wise man
> and a wise guy opposites?
> >> 13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
> >> 14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
> >> 15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English
> language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
> >> 16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it
> follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys
> deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners
> depressed?
> >> 17. If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
> >> 18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
> >> 19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
> >> 20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole
> lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me. They're cramming for
> their final exam.
> >> 21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
> spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
> >> 22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
> What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their
> pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while
> they deliver the mail?
> >> 23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly
> are the others here for?
> >> 24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
> >> 25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
> >> 26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
> zigzag?
> >> 27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next
> door went nuts.
> >> 28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
> >> 29. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
> >> 30. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those
> little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
> >> 31.Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a
> peeing section
> >> in a swimming pool?
> >> 32. OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and
> the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make
> the Tennessee Titans?
> >> 33. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...Does that mean that
> one enjoys it?
> >> 34. There are three religious truths: *Jews do not recognize Jesus
> as the Messiah. *Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of
> the Christian faith. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor
> store or at Hooters.*
>
> >> ** * 1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several
> times, does he become disoriented?
> >> 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
> Holland called Holes? *
> >> *3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
> >> 4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
> >> 5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
> >> 6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
> >> 7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put
> your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?
> >> 8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
> >> 9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
> bread to begin with?
> >> 10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
> >> 11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a
> person who drives a race car not called a racist? 12. Why are a wise man
> and a wise guy opposites?
> >> 13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
> >> 14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
> >> 15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English
> language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
> >> 16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it
> follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys
> deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners
> depressed?
> >> 17. If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
> >> 18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
> >> 19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
> >> 20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole
> lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me. They're cramming for
> their final exam.
> >> 21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
> spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
> >> 22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
> What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their
> pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while
> they deliver the mail?
> >> 23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly
> are the others here for?
> >> 24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
> >> 25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
> >> 26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
> zigzag?
> >> 27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next
> door went nuts.
> >> 28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
> >> 29. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
> >> 30. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those
> little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
> >> 31.Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a
> peeing section
> >> in a swimming pool?
> >> 32. OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and
> the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make
> the Tennessee Titans?
> >> 33. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...Does that mean that
> one enjoys it?
> >> 34. There are three religious truths: *Jews do not recognize Jesus
> as the Messiah. *Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of
> the Christian faith. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor
> store or at Hooters.*