Baja28
Obama destroyed America
I was in bed with a blind girl last night. She said my penis was the biggest she'd ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg!"
My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend... yet.
Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until the doctor stuck his finger up my butt. Do you think I should change dentists?
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back!" He says, "What did you expect? You're in a wheel chair!"
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature.
She said she'd like to come back as a cow.
I said, "You're obviously not listening!"
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst, so I went to the thrift shop and got back all her clothes.
At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day; I lost by one point. The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa!
One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells. "Mexicans" wasn't the right answer either.
A new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but they've banned me from it after I asked to look at some of the new bomber jackets.
You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles, but at least they drive slowly past schools.
A buddy of mine was just telling me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother's got a mustache."
I just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook. My post said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I knew, four thousand Muslims friended me!
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular-people porn, you sick bastard!"
The Red Cross just knocked at our door and asked if we could help with the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches as far as the driveway.
My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend... yet.
Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until the doctor stuck his finger up my butt. Do you think I should change dentists?
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back!" He says, "What did you expect? You're in a wheel chair!"
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature.
She said she'd like to come back as a cow.
I said, "You're obviously not listening!"
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst, so I went to the thrift shop and got back all her clothes.
At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day; I lost by one point. The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa!
One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells. "Mexicans" wasn't the right answer either.
A new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but they've banned me from it after I asked to look at some of the new bomber jackets.
You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles, but at least they drive slowly past schools.
A buddy of mine was just telling me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother's got a mustache."
I just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook. My post said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I knew, four thousand Muslims friended me!
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular-people porn, you sick bastard!"
The Red Cross just knocked at our door and asked if we could help with the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches as far as the driveway.
, cause I literally laughed loud enough at 2-3 of them that a co-worker had to come by and ask what was so funny 
