Stage 2 Uterine Cancer

[Caution]

The Ex Wife has been diagnosed with stage 2 uterine cancer. Doc says 75% chance at recovery and recommends chemo therapy. She went today for a 2nd opinion and I believe is gonna have a few more tests done and await those results.

My only direct experience with cancer was my father passing away when I was 13 so don't have much to work with here. He went through chemo but still passed 13 months after diagnosis.

The ex has been talking to me quite a bit the last few days as she is scared and deservedly so. So I am trying to familiarize myself as best I can with all this so that when she speaks with me I have some grasp of what is going on and can just be there for her as best I can.

This probably is not something anyone might wish to talk about here but it can't hurt to ask. Someone may choose to PM me if they don't wish to discuss in the open.

I was wondering if any of the ladies on here have been through this? Did you have chemo? Was is successful? If not, what happens next?

The ex is so worried she has asked me to take my sons back until she gets through this. She does not want them to see her as she goes through chemo. I have not decided anything there as yet.

 

[officeguy]

Whatever provides the most stability for the kids. There will be times she wont be in any shape to take care of them. Provide reassurance that you wont use this to your advantage. You all have a tough road ahead.

 

[Lilypad]

I was diagnosed in August, I had a complete hysterectomy in Sept. (done w/the assist of the da Vinci robot). My cancer was stage 2(+) also. The end of this month I will have high dose internal brachytherapy radiation.
I did not have chemotherapy. I would highly recommend & encourage your Ex to get a 2nd opinion.
My recovery so far, has been relatively easy. The surgery does limit lifting and any strenuous activity.
Your Ex is the mother of your children, thank you for being so sensitive-it makes a huge difference to have someone in their corner.

 

[Caution]

Whatever provides the most stability for the kids. There will be times she wont be in any shape to take care of them. Provide reassurance that you wont use this to your advantage. You all have a tough road ahead.

Well the boys are in their late teens so it's not like they are helpless. I think they can be of some benefit to her around the house. Trouble is, they tend to skip out at times to hang with their friends and neglect to tell her where they are going causing drama around the house.

And she knows I am not after the boys, she has actually approached me about the possibility of taking them and I just said let's play that by ear.

I only live 4 miles from her. Am thinking about, once her treatments start and she gets to a point where she can not work anymore. Just let the boys get off the bus at her place, see their mom and maybe help her around the house and spend part of the evening with her, then pick them up later an let them sleep here.

That way she does not have to worry about them slipping out and running around without her knowing about it.

 

[mAlice]

Well the boys are in their late teens so it's not like they are helpless. I think they can be of some benefit to her around the house. Trouble is, they tend to skip out at times to hang with their friends and neglect to tell her where they are going causing drama around the house.

And she knows I am not after the boys, she has actually approached me about the possibility of taking them and I just said let's play that by ear.

I only live 4 miles from her. Am thinking about, once her treatments start and she gets to a point where she can not work anymore. Just let the boys get off the bus at her place, see their mom and maybe help her around the house and spend part of the evening with her, then pick them up later an let them sleep here.

That way she does not have to worry about them slipping out and running around without her knowing about it.

No to be mean, and maybe I'm reading something into this that isn't there, but it sounds to me like you're trying to find a way out of taking responsibility for the kids while your ex-wife is going through this.

My apologies if I'm wrong, but that's what it looks like.

 

[vraiblonde]

Well the boys are in their late teens so it's not like they are helpless. I think they can be of some benefit to her around the house. Trouble is, they tend to skip out at times to hang with their friends and neglect to tell her where they are going causing drama around the house.

And she knows I am not after the boys, she has actually approached me about the possibility of taking them and I just said let's play that by ear.

I only live 4 miles from her. Am thinking about, once her treatments start and she gets to a point where she can not work anymore. Just let the boys get off the bus at her place, see their mom and maybe help her around the house and spend part of the evening with her, then pick them up later an let them sleep here.

That way she does not have to worry about them slipping out and running around without her knowing about it.

What a great guy you are!

One thing you can do is talk to the boys and help them understand and accept their mother's illness. Teen boys in particular don't always express their concerns, which is not to say they need some weird encounter group but they do need to feel comfortable being sad or angry and expressing that in an appropriate manner.

Good luck to your family, this is a tough thing to go through.

 

[Caution]

I was diagnosed in August, I had a complete hysterectomy in Sept. (done w/the assist of the da Vinci robot). My cancer was stage 2(+) also. The end of this month I will have high dose internal brachytherapy radiation.
I did not have chemotherapy. I would highly recommend & encourage your Ex to get a 2nd opinion.
My recovery so far, has been relatively easy. The surgery does limit lifting and any strenuous activity.
Your Ex is the mother of your children, thank you for being so sensitive-it makes a huge difference to have someone in their corner.

Yes she already saw the 2nd Doctor and is currently awaiting the outcome for that. I am so happy your recovery is going easy. I hope hers does as well and it may very well go that way. It's just right now she is scared to death and is worrying herself to death and I have tried to get her to find something to occupy her mind with to take her mind of off things when she has time to herself.

No to be mean, and maybe I'm reading something into this that isn't there, but it sounds to me like you're trying to find a way out of taking responsibility for the kids while your ex-wife is going through this.

My apologies if I'm wrong, but that's what it looks like.

No it's not like that at all. She is just worried about the kids being there and seeing her health decline and the side effects of the chemo therapy, if she goes that route.

I am simply trying to weigh out what is going to be best for her and the boys. When I was 13 my father had chemo and I have some very lucid memories of it because my mother was a nurse and did much of his care at home. My once 240 lb 6'4" father was taken down so far that I would have to hold him while my mother had to dig up into his rectum and pull is stool out because he did not have the strength to push it out himself.

So on the one hand I do have the memories of my father being at home and us being there to give him loving care, and I actually appreciate that now that I am older. But being subjected to that at a young age is kinda hard on a kid.

 

[Caution]

What a great guy you are!

One thing you can do is talk to the boys and help them understand and accept their mother's illness. Teen boys in particular don't always express their concerns, which is not to say they need some weird encounter group but they do need to feel comfortable being sad or angry and expressing that in an appropriate manner.

Good luck to your family, this is a tough thing to go through.

Yes I have been getting the boys, one at a time and taking them out to dinner to have a quiet sit down. They are pretty good about talking to me but I can tell this issue has them a little tight lipped as they are just so unfamiliar with it.

Main point I am trying to get across to them is to just do their best right now to not cause her any stress and worry. And I try to tell them a little about what I went through with my father.

Just started talking to them this weekend about all this so the lines of communication are being laid and the main thing right now is to simply keep them open and have the boys feel they can talk about it with me anytime day or night.

 

[MarieB]

Well the boys are in their late teens so it's not like they are helpless. I think they can be of some benefit to her around the house. Trouble is, they tend to skip out at times to hang with their friends and neglect to tell her where they are going causing drama around the house.

And she knows I am not after the boys, she has actually approached me about the possibility of taking them and I just said let's play that by ear.

I only live 4 miles from her. Am thinking about, once her treatments start and she gets to a point where she can not work anymore. Just let the boys get off the bus at her place, see their mom and maybe help her around the house and spend part of the evening with her, then pick them up later an let them sleep here.

That way she does not have to worry about them slipping out and running around without her knowing about it.

You might find that the boys really step up and perhaps stop the activities that cause drama.

Sounds like a good plan. I agree with getting a second opinion. Why aren't they doing a hysterectomy?

 

[mAlice]

No it's not like that at all. She is just worried about the kids being there and seeing her health decline and the side effects of the chemo therapy, if she goes that route.

I am simply trying to weigh out what is going to be best for her and the boys. When I was 13 my father had chemo and I have some very lucid memories of it because my mother was a nurse and did much of his care at home. My once 240 lb 6'4" father was taken down so far that I would have to hold him while my mother had to dig up into his rectum and pull is stool out because he did not have the strength to push it out himself.

So on the one hand I do have the memories of my father being at home and us being there to give him loving care, and I actually appreciate that now that I am older. But being subjected to that at a young age is kinda hard on a kid.

I can't imagine what it might be like, to be that age, and watch someone you love deteriorate before your eyes. I wish you all the best.

 

[Caution]

You might find that the boys really step up and perhaps stop the activities that cause drama.

Sounds like a good plan. I agree with getting a second opinion. Why aren't they doing a hysterectomy?

There is a good chance that they will. I still may end up getting them and keeping them here, at least in the latter part of the evening. They are boys, two brothers and they can fuss and argue with each other over the most senseless things.

As far as not doing a hysterectomy, That I have not asked her as yet. I believe she told me but to be honest the phone calls have been rather emotional so far and it is difficult to digest all that is said. Once the 2nd opinion results come in and she has had a bit of time to think about everything I will go have a sit down with her when the time is right and get a better understanding of everything.

 

[MarieB]

There is a good chance that they will. I still may end up getting them and keeping them here, at least in the latter part of the evening. They are boys, two brothers and they can fuss and argue with each other over the most senseless things.

As far as not doing a hysterectomy, That I have not asked her as yet. I believe she told me but to be honest the phone calls have been rather emotional so far and it is difficult to digest all that is said. Once the 2nd opinion results come in and she has had a bit of time to think about everything I will go have a sit down with her when the time is right and get a better understanding of everything.

Yes, i understand the boy stuff completely. I have 2 myself

I'm glad she got that second opinion. I wonder if this explains why she was so bitchy with you. I think you mentioned it on the thread about her computer

 

[Caution]

Yes, i understand the boy stuff completely. I have 2 myself

I'm glad she got that second opinion. I wonder if this explains why she was so bitchy with you. I think you mentioned it on the thread about her computer

It is entirely possible as she has known about her situation for a while before telling anyone. She said she did not want to worry anyone until she knew more about everything.

 

[Caution]

I can't imagine what it might be like, to be that age, and watch someone you love deteriorate before your eyes. I wish you all the best.

Thank You.

I guess I should add another reason I am hesitant on taking the boys is because she has a live in boyfriend. She owns the house and her name is on all the bills. This guy is somewhat of a free spirit, if you will. She might be thinking he will be there for her to help around the house. But in the back of my mind I can see him looking for an excuse to bow out of the situation. Leaving her by herself to deal with everything.

So taking the boys is not a decision I take lightly. She may very well need those boys around there, even though she does not want them to see her health decline.

 

[thesilentwoman]

There is a great deal to gain from witnessing the very real issues cancer, or any other life-altering illness, brings with it: maybe your bickering boys would benefit from living a reality that includes pulling on their big-boy pants and helping out or pitching in when their mother is sick. It might make them better sons and ultimately better young men. I know it made me realize that we cannot fully control our lives, that we must roll with the punches life gives us, that we must sometimes sacrifice some of ourselves to others and that we must celebrate life and our time with each other.

 

[Caution]

There is a great deal to gain from witnessing the very real issues cancer, or any other life-altering illness, brings with it: maybe your bickering boys would benefit from living a reality that includes pulling on their big-boy pants and helping out or pitching in when their mother is sick. It might make them better sons and ultimately better young men. I know it made me realize that we cannot fully control our lives, that we must roll with the punches life gives us, that we must sometimes sacrifice some of ourselves to others and that we must celebrate life and our time with each other.

Oh I agree. Hence one of the reasons for my post was to be able to solicit thoughts I may not have considered. There are pros and cons to whether or not I do as she asks and take the boys. It nothing to make a snap decision on. Which I why I told her let's play it by ear for the time being.

 

[kwillia]

What's really scary is that the symptoms of uterine cancer are also the symptoms of women simply getting older. Seems you don't really know if you have uterine cancer unless you have an invasive procedure to take care of the "getting older" symptoms and then finding out it you have cancer.

Signs of Uterine Cancer for Early Detection | LIVESTRONG.COM

 

[Roman]

Caution, you are a good man, and I admire you for standing beside her during this very scary time. She is a lucky Woman to have you, and the boys. This is just my opinion, but I think the boys might be more comfortable staying where they are, but you & your Ex are better judges of that. Maybe ask the boys what they want to do, if you think they're old enough to make that decision. Best wishes to all of you.

 

[Caution]

Caution, you are a good man, and I admire you for standing beside her during this very scary time. She is a lucky Woman to have you, and the boys. This is just my opinion, but I think the boys might be more comfortable staying where they are, but you & your Ex are better judges of that. Maybe ask the boys what they want to do, if you think they're old enough to make that decision. Best wishes to all of you.

Thank You, but I think anyone in this situation would be doing what I am doing. Would certainly hope so anyway.

I agree about the boys staying there. But the Ex is just scared out of her wits and she is just thinking she does not wish to submit the boys to having to see her health deteriorate on a day to day basis.

As that is a valid concern. My thinking is keep them there as long as possible and cross that bridge when it has to be crossed. I just know she is going to want to discuss it again soon and I am trying to consider as many factors that come into play as I can so I can suggest to her reasons we may not want me to take the boys unless absolutely necessary.

 

[officeguy]

I only live 4 miles from her. Am thinking about, once her treatments start and she gets to a point where she can not work anymore. Just let the boys get off the bus at her place, see their mom and maybe help her around the house and spend part of the evening with her, then pick them up later an let them sleep here.

Whatever works for your family. Either way, seing their mom sick will be stressful for them and and teenagers at times don't express their stress in a direct way. Try to keep a direct line with them, your ex and your kids teachers, you dont want to hear about school issues when report cards arrive.

All the best, this wont be fun.