Step-parent adoption

[vraiblonde]

Whenever I start feeling sorry for myself I think about a girl I went to elementary school, and then jr. high, with.

Her dad died when we were in early 7th grade. When we all came back after summer to begin 8th grade, less than a year later, she had a new last name. When the teacher called her present, one kid said, "What'd ya do, get married?" which brought her some attention and laughter.

No, she hadn't gotten married - her mother had remarried and her brand spankin' new step-dad adopted her and her sister.

Less than a year after she lost her father.

Now this girl was a bitch - one of those prissy snitty I'm-all-that girls - but when the new last name happened I hated her a little bit less because that seemed unnecessarily callous on her mother's part.

Another gal I went to high school with had all kinds of last names because of step-parent adoption. She was one name in 10th grade, then she got another in 11th, then right after high school she went with another step-dad's name, and then went with her mother's maiden name sometime during college. It's interesting that she had her new husband adopt her young daughters when she remarried shortly after her divorce.

She was another prissy snitty I'm-all-that bitch, so there's a two-person pattern going on.

#1, prissy snitty I'm-all-that bitches probably have something going on at home that makes them that way.

#2, what is with these women who remarry and just null and void their child's father by having the new hubby adopt their children?

I can see it if the dad dies or abandons the family and there is an appropriate mourning period of adjustment, but within a year? And repeatedly? That seems like a lot for a kid to wrap their mind around.

So there's my musing for the morning....

 

[bresamil]

The postive side of me says its so the child knows they are wanted and loved.

The negative side of me says its all about the money and future inheritance.

 

[vraiblonde]

The postive side of me says its so the child knows they are wanted and loved.

The negative side of me says its all about the money and future inheritance.

I think some of it is also forced acceptance with a bit of appearances thrown in. I remember with the first girl there was an incident with the sister where the mom said something like, "Go ask your father..." and was reminded that this man was NOT her father. I mean, really, she barely knew him. But I think Mommy wanted a perfect little family and perfection is marred when family members have different last names.

I blame the Brady Bunch for this sort of thing.

 

[ZARA]

I think some of it is also forced acceptance with a bit of appearances thrown in. I remember with the first girl there was an incident with the sister where the mom said something like, "Go ask your father..." and was reminded that this man was NOT her father. I mean, really, she barely knew him. But I think Mommy wanted a perfect little family and perfection is marred when family members have different last names.

I blame the Brady Bunch for this sort of thing.

This thread makes me look bad. I had one last name. My son had another last name and the man I fell in love with and dated/lived with for 12 yrs had a different last name.

When I got divorced I was going to keep my married name so my son and I could have the same last name but my ex had a fit and actually fought me in court over that so I gave in, whatever, it's not that big of a deal to me, so I went back to my maiden name.

When Beloved and I finally got around to marriage I didn't want to change my name but he put his foot down and refused to marry me if I didn't change my name. I told him we should both hyphenate our names, he takes mine and I take his, which I always thought would be hysterical, you would too if you knew our last names...

So I finally relented and agreed to take his name but only if he agreed to wear a wedding ring, which he originally planned not doing....

Totally derailed this thread...but back on topic...it never crossed my mind to have my husband adopt my son. Even if my son's dad died I wouldn't do it.

 

[MMM_donuts]

My mother kept her name, her first married name, so that we'd always be able to find her in case we were separated. She remarried after we went into foster care but kept that same last name.

My name changed when I was adopted. Everything changed that was associated with my biological mother. I wasn't allowed to call her mom, I had to call my adopted mother "mom" even though my mother remained a part of my life. This is still something that upsets me.

When we were removed from our adoption parents, the state gave my mother an opportunity to reclaim us like she always said she would if she were given the chance. True to her word, she got me when I was 16 and my name went back to the original. I have had a few name changes and it's always fun to explain why to others.

My brother once called her "mom" after we went to live with her. Everyone froze and it was weird so we all agreed that the first name basis worked best. Sometimes I would catch some grief from people that didn't understand why a teenager would call her mother by her first name.

I had a very hard time parting with my name when I got married because it really represented a lot for me and what I have accomplished but it was also really important to my husband although we are planning not to ever have children. I compromised by keeping my maiden name by eliminating my middle name. So my full name is first name, maiden name, married name. I have no intentions of ever changing it again. Ever.

This is my personal opinion and I completely understand that others disagree with it. I hate that tradition of name changing. It has never made me feel loved, it makes me feel like someone's property.

 

[vraiblonde]

This is my personal opinion and I completely understand that others disagree with it. I hate that tradition of name changing. It has never made me feel loved, it makes me feel like someone's property.

What a story

 

[MMM_donuts]

What a story

My husband sometimes says he'd change his name like mine. He hasn't done it and I doubt he ever really will but I think it's a nice sentiment.

 

[GURPS]

I compromised by keeping my maiden name by eliminating my middle name. So my full name is first name, maiden name, married name.

before burning bras of the 1970's I thought this was the way of the world ...
- that is the way my mother is
[my wife was glad to get ride of Smith {have you ever tried ordering a pizza for delivery - in the 1980's - with a last name of Smith}]

 

[Roman]

My husband sometimes says he'd change his name like mine. He hasn't done it and I doubt he ever really will but I think it's a nice sentiment.

 

[slotpuppy]

This is my personal opinion and I completely understand that others disagree with it. I hate that tradition of name changing. It has never made me feel loved, it makes me feel like someone's property.

When the handler and I got married, I told her that I didnt care if she changed her name or not. I didnt bother me one bit if she chose to keep her name.

 

[RareBreed]

A friend of mine at work got married and had a kid. She changed her last name to her husband's name. She got divorced less than a year later but kept his name because of her daughter. Got remarried and had another kid. She hyphenated her "first" married name with her "current" married name. Got divorced again and went back to her "first" married name. I've always wondered if it was so important for her daughter to have the same last name as her, why wasn't it important for her second kid. He's the odd man out now, having his father's name which my friend dropped after the divorce.

 

[Roman]

A friend of mine at work got married and had a kid. She changed her last name to her husband's name. She got divorced less than a year later but kept his name because of her daughter. Got remarried and had another kid. She hyphenated her "first" married name with her "current" married name. Got divorced again and went back to her "first" married name. I've always wondered if it was so important for her daughter to have the same last name as her, why wasn't it important for her second kid. He's the odd man out now, having his father's name which my friend dropped after the divorce.

It sounds like your friend should stay away from the altar poor thing.

 

[BadGirl]

When I married, I kept my maiden/original name.

I figured if I ever got divorced, I would save myself a heck of a lot of leg work in getting it changed back. I always like to think ahead. That, and I am lazy.

 

[ZARA]

When I married, I kept my maiden/original name.

I figured if I ever got divorced, I would save myself a heck of a lot of leg work in getting it changed back. I always like to think ahead. That, and I am lazy.

My husband wouldn't let me hyphenate my name...one day I will show you why..LMAO

 

[somdfunguy]

I need to adopt some local grandparents

 

[Caution]

I am a step dad and never felt it necessary to formally adopt my son. Mainly simply because I always considered him mine. He is 19, still calls me dad, still comes over to visit and stay the weekend sometimes, and I either call him son or 'c'hithead. Depending if I am trying to get a laugh out of him.

A little back ground. I first met my son about 2 weeks after he was born. His mom was single and was renting a room from my mother. During the Ice storm of '94, my mother worked at Calvert Hospital and because they were so short on staff she ended up staying there for 11 days straight.

Anyway, my 'soon to be' girlfriend was staying alone, at my mothers house with her 2 week old son. So I ended up going over there and making sure there was plenty of firewood in the house and just doing whatever I could to make sure she and that boy were ok. Well I guess she kinda fell for me for doing that and we developed a relationship. BTW the boy's father was denying his responsibility and just did not want to be in the picture.

Over time the relationship developed and we ended up getting married. But I always considered him MY son and he considers me HIS dad and I just never saw any reason to adopt, mostly for the following reason.

I am an only child. The son of the only male child. Who was the son of the only male child in his line. In other words, I have no Uncles from my fathers side, or Brothers or Sisters. So I am the only male from my father's lineage alive to carry on my father's family name.

That being said, a family name is kind of important to me and comes as part of the identity you were born into this life with. I would not want to have taken that away from my son by saying here, take my name. I have nothing against those that do this. I just have a 'slightly' different view on it than I think most folks would think about.

 

[czygvtwkr]

My husband wouldn't let me hyphenate my name...one day I will show you why..LMAO

Maybe?

 

[vraiblonde]

Maybe?

Close

 

[Monello]

Or this......
Sorry ladies!

 

[ZARA]

Maybe?

Or this......
Sorry ladies!

ROFL!

Close

If they only knew.