John Kerry walks into a bar and orders a...ummm...Courvoisier. Anyway, the bartender pours him a snifter and says, "Say, pal, why the long face?"
Stop me if you've heard this...
- Thread starter vraiblonde
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Groan. Almost as bad as mine.SamSpade said:
We play this game on car trips where we pick a topic (fruits, cowboys, etc) and have a joke-go-round using the same joke, with different subjects. Example:
The topic is fruits.
Two peaches walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey! We don't serve peaches in here!" The peaches say, "Why not?" And the bartender says, "Because you're the pits!"
Some grapes walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey! We don't serve grapes in here!" And the grapes say, "But there's a bunch of us!"
A banana walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey! We don't serve bananas in here!" The banana says, "Why not?" And the bartender says, "Because you're unapeeling."
That's all - just sharing one of our little family stupidities. 
Rather mundane cognac but better than Hennessy unless you get at least the VSOP Fine Champagne.Tonio said:
The revered F.D.R. was notorious for drinking absinthe martinis every night. Absinthe was illegal at the time and still is.Tonio said:What alcohol SHOULD a leader drink? Glen Grant? Moet? Corona? Old Crow? Boone's Farm?
I liked it!vraiblonde said:Two peaches walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey! We don't serve peaches in here!" The peaches say, "Why not?" And the bartender says, "Because you're the pits!"
Some grapes walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey! We don't serve grapes in here!" And the grapes say, "But there's a bunch of us!"
A banana walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey! We don't serve bananas in here!" The banana says, "Why not?" And the bartender says, "Because you're unapeeling."
kwillia
n/a
DEAR ABBY
I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas who has recently been diagnosed as
a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth and one of my
sisters, who lives in Pflugerville, is married to a transvestite
My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling
marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who
are prostitutes in Dallas. I have two brothers, one is currently serving
a non-parole life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in
1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual
misconduct with his three children.
I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in
Longview, She is a part time "working girl".
All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancé' and look
forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally
open and honest with her.
Should I tell her about my cousin who supports John Kerry for President?
Signed,
Worried About My Reputation
I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas who has recently been diagnosed as
a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth and one of my
sisters, who lives in Pflugerville, is married to a transvestite
My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling
marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who
are prostitutes in Dallas. I have two brothers, one is currently serving
a non-parole life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in
1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual
misconduct with his three children.
I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in
Longview, She is a part time "working girl".
All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancé' and look
forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally
open and honest with her.
Should I tell her about my cousin who supports John Kerry for President?
Signed,
Worried About My Reputation
Danzig
Well-Known Member
A blind man, unknowingly enters a bar full of ladies.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.
Before the drink even comes, he says loudly, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?"
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you need to know five things. Number 1, the bartender is a blonde girl. Number 2, the bouncer is a blonde gal. Number 3, I'm a 6 foot, 200 pound, blonde woman with a black belt in karate. Number 4, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter. Number 5, the lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler."
After telling the blind man this, she says, "Now think about it seriously. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second then shakes his head and declares, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.
Before the drink even comes, he says loudly, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?"
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you need to know five things. Number 1, the bartender is a blonde girl. Number 2, the bouncer is a blonde gal. Number 3, I'm a 6 foot, 200 pound, blonde woman with a black belt in karate. Number 4, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter. Number 5, the lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler."
After telling the blind man this, she says, "Now think about it seriously. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second then shakes his head and declares, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
With a family like that, they are all probably working on the Kerry campaign.
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