ICit
Jam out with ur clam out
> For those of us
> who need a laugh now and then, this is too damn
> funny!
> Pocket
> Tazer Stun Gun, a
> great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely
> wife a pocket Tazer
> for their anniversary submitted this:
>
>
>
>
> Last weekend I saw
> something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
> sparked my interest. The
> occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a
> little something
> extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
> 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-
> sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be
> short lived, with no
> long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her
> adequate time to
> retreat to safety....??
>
>
>
> WAY
> TOO COOL! Long story
> short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded
> two AAA batteries in
> the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was
> disappointed. I learned,
> however, that if I
> pushed the button and
> pressed it against a metal surface at the same time;
> I'd get the blue arc of
> electricity darting back and forth between the
> prongs. AWESOME!!!
> Unfortunately, I have
> yet to explain to
> Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her
> microwave.
>
>
>
> Okay,
> so I was home
> alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
> couldn't be all that bad
> with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in
> my recliner, my cat
> Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I
> was reading the
> directions and thinking that I really needed to try this
> thing out on a flesh
> & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about
> zapping Gracie (for a
> fraction of a second) and
> thought better
> of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to
> give this thing to my
> wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some
> assurance that it
> would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
>
>
>
> So,
> there I sat in a
> pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses
> perched delicately on
> the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer
> in another. The
> directions said that a one-second burst would shock and
> disorient your
> assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause
> muscle spasms and a major
> loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
> purportedly make your
> assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
> Any burst longer than
> three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm
> looking at this little
> device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch
> in circumference; pretty
> cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A
> batteries) thinking to
> myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is
> almost beyond description,
> but I'll do my best.. .
>
>
>
> I'm sitting there alone,
> Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to
> say, 'don't do it
> dip####,' reasoning that a one second burst from such
> a tiny little ole thing
> couldn't hurt all
> that bad. I decided to
> give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I
> touched the prongs to my
> naked thigh, pushed the button, and .. ..
>
>
>
>
>
> HOLY MOTHER OF GOD
> . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE
> HELL!!!
>
>
>
> I'm pretty sure
> Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up
> in the recliner,
> then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over
> and over again. I
> vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
> position, with tears in my
> eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
> nowhere to be found,
> with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
> position, and tingling in
> my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never
> heard before, clinging
> to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously
> in an attempt to
> avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the
> living room
> .
>
>
>
> Note:
> If you ever feel
> compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one
> note of caution: there is no
> such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!
> You will not let go of
> that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a
> violent thrashing about
> on the floor. A three second burst would be considered
> conservative?
>
>
>
>
> IT HURT LIKE
> HELL!!!
>
>
>
> A
> minute or so later (I
> can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that
> point), I collected my
> wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the
> landscape. My bent
> reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The
> recliner was upside
> down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
> My triceps, right
> thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt
> like it had been
> shot up with
>
> Novocain, and my bottom
> lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the
> drooling. Apparently, I
> pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and
> my sense of smell was
> gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I
> believe came from my
> hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm
> offering a significant reward for
> their safe return!
>
>
>
> P.S. My wife,
> can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the
> gift, and now regularly
> threatens me with it!
> who need a laugh now and then, this is too damn
> funny!
> Tazer Stun Gun, a
> great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely
> wife a pocket Tazer
> for their anniversary submitted this:
>
>
>
>
> Last weekend I saw
> something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
> sparked my interest. The
> occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a
> little something
> extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
> 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-
> sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be
> short lived, with no
> long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her
> adequate time to
> retreat to safety....??
>
>
>
> WAY
> TOO COOL! Long story
> short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded
> two AAA batteries in
> the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was
> disappointed. I learned,
> however, that if I
> pushed the button and
> pressed it against a metal surface at the same time;
> I'd get the blue arc of
> electricity darting back and forth between the
> prongs. AWESOME!!!
> Unfortunately, I have
> yet to explain to
> Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her
> microwave.
>
>
>
> Okay,
> so I was home
> alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
> couldn't be all that bad
> with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in
> my recliner, my cat
> Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I
> was reading the
> directions and thinking that I really needed to try this
> thing out on a flesh
> & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about
> zapping Gracie (for a
> fraction of a second) and
> thought better
> of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to
> give this thing to my
> wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some
> assurance that it
> would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
>
>
>
> So,
> there I sat in a
> pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses
> perched delicately on
> the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer
> in another. The
> directions said that a one-second burst would shock and
> disorient your
> assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause
> muscle spasms and a major
> loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
> purportedly make your
> assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
> Any burst longer than
> three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm
> looking at this little
> device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch
> in circumference; pretty
> cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A
> batteries) thinking to
> myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is
> almost beyond description,
> but I'll do my best.. .
>
>
>
> I'm sitting there alone,
> Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to
> say, 'don't do it
> dip####,' reasoning that a one second burst from such
> a tiny little ole thing
> couldn't hurt all
> that bad. I decided to
> give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I
> touched the prongs to my
> naked thigh, pushed the button, and .. ..
>
>
>
>
>
> HOLY MOTHER OF GOD
> . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE
> HELL!!!
>
>
>
> I'm pretty sure
> Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up
> in the recliner,
> then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over
> and over again. I
> vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
> position, with tears in my
> eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
> nowhere to be found,
> with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
> position, and tingling in
> my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never
> heard before, clinging
> to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously
> in an attempt to
> avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the
> living room
> .
>
>
>
> Note:
> If you ever feel
> compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one
> note of caution: there is no
> such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!
> You will not let go of
> that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a
> violent thrashing about
> on the floor. A three second burst would be considered
> conservative?
>
>
>
>
> IT HURT LIKE
> HELL!!!
>
>
>
> A
> minute or so later (I
> can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that
> point), I collected my
> wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the
> landscape. My bent
> reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The
> recliner was upside
> down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
> My triceps, right
> thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt
> like it had been
> shot up with
>
> Novocain, and my bottom
> lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the
> drooling. Apparently, I
> pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and
> my sense of smell was
> gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I
> believe came from my
> hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm
> offering a significant reward for
> their safe return!
>
>
>
> P.S. My wife,
> can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the
> gift, and now regularly
> threatens me with it!