Daddy_O
Big Wheelin'
this was an e-mail a friend of mine forewarded to me, greatest one I havereceived yet.
I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send
> >me your chain email letters over the past two years. Thank you for
> >making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your
> >concern..........
> > I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet
> >stains.
> >
> > I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make
> >these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their
> >cans.
> >
> > I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick
> >from the rat feces and urine.
> >
> > I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes
> >cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could
> >be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
> >
> > I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell
> >like a water buffalo on a hot day.
> >
> > I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me
> >with a perfume sample and rob me.
> >
> > I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are
> >actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
> >
> > I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't
> >support our American troops.
> >
> > I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial
> >a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls
> >to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
> >
> > I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they
> >contain will turn me gay.
> >
> > I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
> >mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
> >
> > I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my
> >kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
> >
> > I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I
> >receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
> >
> > I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now
> >have their recipe.
> >
> > I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
> >looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
> >Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
> >forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
> >minutes. (Jeeze, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)
> >
> > I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who
> >is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
> >
> > I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
> >receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
> >participating in their special e-mail program. Yes, I want to thank all
> >of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will now return the
> >favor.
> >
> > If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next
> >60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 pm
> >this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your
> >armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a
> >friend of a friend of a friend
>
I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send
> >me your chain email letters over the past two years. Thank you for
> >making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your
> >concern..........
> > I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet
> >stains.
> >
> > I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make
> >these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their
> >cans.
> >
> > I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick
> >from the rat feces and urine.
> >
> > I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes
> >cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could
> >be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
> >
> > I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell
> >like a water buffalo on a hot day.
> >
> > I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me
> >with a perfume sample and rob me.
> >
> > I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are
> >actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
> >
> > I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't
> >support our American troops.
> >
> > I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial
> >a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls
> >to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
> >
> > I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they
> >contain will turn me gay.
> >
> > I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
> >mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
> >
> > I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my
> >kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
> >
> > I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I
> >receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
> >
> > I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now
> >have their recipe.
> >
> > I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
> >looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
> >Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
> >forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
> >minutes. (Jeeze, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)
> >
> > I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who
> >is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
> >
> > I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
> >receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
> >participating in their special e-mail program. Yes, I want to thank all
> >of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will now return the
> >favor.
> >
> > If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next
> >60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 pm
> >this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your
> >armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a
> >friend of a friend of a friend
>
