That other thread made me wonder

[vraiblonde]

Many parents think of their adult offspring as "children", even if they have kids of their own. "I must care for my 40 year old child!"

I think of my kids as adults, who live adult lives and make adult decisions and are responsible for their adult selves and their own children.

Now, I don't really care what people do in their family because it's none of my business and has nothing to do with me. This is just pure curiosity : do you think of your adult offspring as children or fellow adults? And do you treat them as adults or like children?

 

[NextJen]

I think of my kids as adults. My son has really impressed me over the last 6 months as he has stepped up at home to be the 'man of the house' and watching out for his mom. My daughter and I have always had a close relationship and it's awesome to see how she has turned into a smart, practical young woman with a great future ahead of her. I'm glad that I am so close to both of them. They have, however, been put on notice that when Mom retires, no children will be moving with me wherever I end up. I will help them if they absolutely needed it, but they have been raised to not expect it.

 

[GURPS]

my daughter is always going to be my child .... that does not preclude me from treating her as an adult as she matures and takes on more responsibility

 

[Bird Dog]

My kids are my children and will always be, but I do respect their lives and treat them as adults. I let them manage their own lives and try not to give advice unless asked or I see they are about to fall off a cliff.

 

[musiclady]

My children are adults and make their own decisions. I will help, depending on the need, but they live their own lives. They can ask for help but I can't guarantee that they can get it and they know that. That being said, I will find ways for them to get what help they need, even if it isn't from me or exactly what they wanted. For example, my daughter left her husband and wanted to move back home. I set basic conditions she would need to follow if she stayed with me. She decided she'd rather not meet them and found a friend to move in with. However, I do help with other needs and I took my granddaughter in to stay with me. She's been here a year and a half now.

 

[Yooper]

Parents are biologically driven to always see their kids as children. That's why it's so tough to be tough with them when the situation demands it.

But parents should be treating their kids as adults once it becomes clear the kid wants to be treated as such and/or once it becomes clear the kid won't grow up.

But many of today's parents have bought into the "heart over head" position that once something is for the children, it should always be about/for the children (one of the Dems favorite lobbying/politicking lines, btw). But that's both wrong and harmful. And in line with that let me recommend "When Helping Hurts". Though the subject is slightly different (alleviating poverty, in this case), the logic/thought processes/dynamics are similar enough to make it worth recommending (as it was recommended to me during grad school).

FWIW, the rule in my house growing up was 18 and out (or 21 and out, if going to college). And that rule applied to my kids, as well (something they have expressed gratitude for, btw).

--- End of line (MCP)