BS Gal
Voted Nicest in 08
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at cocktail
>parties. Now and then -- just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one
>thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social
>thinker. I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself --
>but I knew it wasn't true.
>
>Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was
>thinking all the time.
>
>That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I had
>turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She
>spent that night at her mother's.
>
>I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment
>don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at
>lunchtime so I could read Locke and Kristol. I would return to the
>office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
>
>One day the boss called me in to his office. He said, "Listen, I
>like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become
>a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have
>to find another job."
>
>This gave me a lot to think about.
>
>I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I
>confessed, "I've been thinking ..."
>
>"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
>
>"But honey, surely it's not that serious."
>
>"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as
>college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so
>if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"
>
>"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded in
>tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the
>emotional drama. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped
>out the door.
>
>I headed for the library, in the mood for some Vazsonyi. I roared
>into the parking lot with Fox News on the radio and ran up to the
>big glass doors... They didn't open. The library was closed.
>
>To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.
>
>As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering
>for Paglia, a poster caught my eye.
>
>"Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.
>
>You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard
>Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a
>recovering thinker.
>
>I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a
>non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share
>experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.
>
>I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.
>
>Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
>
>I believe the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.
>
>Today, I registered to vote as a Democrat.
>parties. Now and then -- just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one
>thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social
>thinker. I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself --
>but I knew it wasn't true.
>
>Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was
>thinking all the time.
>
>That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I had
>turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She
>spent that night at her mother's.
>
>I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment
>don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at
>lunchtime so I could read Locke and Kristol. I would return to the
>office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
>
>One day the boss called me in to his office. He said, "Listen, I
>like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become
>a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have
>to find another job."
>
>This gave me a lot to think about.
>
>I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I
>confessed, "I've been thinking ..."
>
>"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
>
>"But honey, surely it's not that serious."
>
>"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as
>college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so
>if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"
>
>"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded in
>tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the
>emotional drama. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped
>out the door.
>
>I headed for the library, in the mood for some Vazsonyi. I roared
>into the parking lot with Fox News on the radio and ran up to the
>big glass doors... They didn't open. The library was closed.
>
>To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.
>
>As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering
>for Paglia, a poster caught my eye.
>
>"Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.
>
>You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard
>Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a
>recovering thinker.
>
>I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a
>non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share
>experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.
>
>I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.
>
>Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
>
>I believe the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.
>
>Today, I registered to vote as a Democrat.
