To do or Not to do...

K

kris31280

Guest
My son's daycare created cards and gifts for the fathers for father's day.

That's well and good... but my son doesn't really have a father... not one worth mentioning anyway.

He has a man who was engaged to his mother at the time of his conception, but the engagement didn't last and the man has seen him for about 10 minutes total in his entire almost 3 years.

So what do I do with the card/gift?

Do I:
  1. Try to change the "daddy" on them to "Grandpa" and give them to grandpa?
  2. Throw them away?
  3. Put them with the rest of his kiddie art projects to look at someday down the road?
  4. Send them to the address I believe his father lives at?
 
jetmonkey

jetmonkey

New Member
kris31280 said:
My son's daycare created cards and gifts for the fathers for father's day.

That's well and good... but my son doesn't really have a father... not one worth mentioning anyway.

He has a man who was engaged to his mother at the time of his conception, but the engagement didn't last and the man has seen him for about 10 minutes total in his entire almost 3 years.

So what do I do with the card/gift?

Do I:
  1. Try to change the "daddy" on them to "Grandpa" and give them to grandpa?
  2. Throw them away?
  3. Put them with the rest of his kiddie art projects to look at someday down the road?
  4. Send them to the address I believe his father lives at?
Click to expand...
Was this your soul mate?
 
K

kris31280

Guest
jetmonkey said:
Was this your soul mate?
Click to expand...
... no. He was just this guy I fell in love with and ignored all the red flags as to why he shouldn't have been the guy I fell in love with.

Can't regret him, though... I got the best part of that relationship giving me hugs and kisses every night.
 
kwillia

kwillia

n/a
No need to make a huge deal out of it, Kris. Hang the thing on the fridge like you would any other piece of art work and be done with it. The little dude has to learn that day to day life goes on even if his father isn't in the pic.
 
Radiant1

Radiant1

Soul Probe
I realize your son is young yet but has he ever asked about his dad, and if so, what have you told him? If not, you're going to have to face that sooner or later anyway.

I would go with option #3, or as Kwillia said, hang it on the fridge like any other piece of artwork.
 
K

kris31280

Guest
Radiant1 said:
I realize your son is young yet but has he ever asked about his dad, and if so, what have you told him? If not, you're going to have to face that sooner or later anyway.

I would go with option #3, or as Kwillia said, hang it on the fridge like any other piece of artwork.
Click to expand...
I've been thinking about what I was going to tell him for the last 3 years... since the day Kevin and I went kaput.

Rowan went through one phase where he kept trying to call my dad "Daddy", and he would correct him and go "No... Grandpa." My intial reaction was to say "You don't have one." Instead I'd say "He's not here."

I would expect within the next 6 months I'll need an answer to the question. There's gotta be a happy medium between telling him the truth of the situation without making his dad sound like the total ass he is. It's not Rowan's fault mommy and daddy aren't together, and so I've made it a point to never bash Kevin in Rowan's presence. Who knows, Kevin may some day decide to stop being a douche and actually want a relationship with his son.
 
P

poster

New Member
At 3yrs old, I'm guessing, the child won't remember.
Keep it out of sight/out of mind for a little while then throw it away.

I'm surprised your daycare didn't catch this?
I'm assuming they know there's no father, so why not have him make a card with an alternate title?
 
Toxick

Toxick

Splat
kris31280 said:
So what do I do with the card/gift?

Do I:
  1. Try to change the "daddy" on them to "Grandpa" and give them to grandpa?
  2. Throw them away?
Click to expand...


Combination of these two.

Toss the ones addressed to the sperm donor, and then get him to make a new card for gramp.
 
Toxick

Toxick

Splat
vraiblonde said:
I wouldn't think so - he'd probably like a handmade card better than a store bought one.
Click to expand...


This is very true.

All the cards the kids have "bought" me over the years are stuck in a drawer somewhere, if I still have them at all.



All the stuff they've made for me is hanging up or on display in the cube I'm sitting in right now.
 
K

kris31280

Guest
Thanks for all the feedback (thus far). Last year my son was watched by my best friend/stay at home mom so I didn't run in to these snafus. (they needed the money, I needed to know my child was being watched by someone who loved him as much as I did.)

The angry bitter part of me wanted to send the card to him, hoping to make him feel like a jackass so he'd quit skipping out on the child support. It's probably the most selfish route because it does nothing but make me feel a little better and it just perpetuates the anger.

I'll have to unwrap the gift to see if the frame says "Daddy" specific anything. I know it's a popsicle stick picture frame with his picture in it.

And I can always have him make a new card for Grandpa.
 
SShewbert

SShewbert

What love is all about
kris31280 said:
I've been thinking about what I was going to tell him for the last 3 years... since the day Kevin and I went kaput.

Rowan went through one phase where he kept trying to call my dad "Daddy", and he would correct him and go "No... Grandpa." My intial reaction was to say "You don't have one." Instead I'd say "He's not here."

I would expect within the next 6 months I'll need an answer to the question. There's gotta be a happy medium between telling him the truth of the situation without making his dad sound like the total ass he is. It's not Rowan's fault mommy and daddy aren't together, and so I've made it a point to never bash Kevin in Rowan's presence. Who knows, Kevin may some day decide to stop being a douche and actually want a relationship with his son.
Click to expand...



My dad left before I was born. I never heard from him for 14 years if my life. The whole time though my mom would take pics of me and send to him. She even let me write a letter. When I was about 13 she decided to send another pic. She asked me if I wanted to write a letter to him. I remember I wrote on the back of the picture how old I was at the time and things like that but no letter. I figured there was no point because I had never heard back from him before. This time he actually wrote back to me. A couple years after that he finally told the rest of his kids about me which I now keep in contact with them. I finally met him in person when I was 18 I believe. It was just after I had my first kid. Then I seen him once after that. I have talked to him on the phone a couple times to.

I dont recall what my mom used to tell me. I dont remember ever asking either. I just kinda knew he wasnt there and I guess not really worried. My mom never lied to me she told me he left. Maybe she just always did that and thats why I knew and never asked. She told me her side of the story and told me one day he could tell me his. Funny as it is growing up I always wanted to know his side. Now that I know him I dont care. People make mistakes. I look at it that at least now hes trying to make an effort to know me. He could have just always ignored me and never let me know the rest of my family but he didnt.

I hope everything works out for you and your son. Sounds like you are a great mom. I am sure there will never be a problem. Whatever you decide to do will be fine. He may be missing a father but it is the daddys loss not his, he has a great enough mom to make up for that.
 
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